Why do I want to Live?

    June 10, 2024

    June 10, 2024 A part of my healing process is asking myself daily, “Why do I want to live?” It wasn’t enough to recite normal answers…my kids, my family, blah, blah blah. Yes. I really felt that way sometimes. Truth was, a lot of my relationships felt tiring. Most of my world centered around serving people. I felt trapped in an unending cycle of fatigue and temporary happiness. As I submitted to a favorite verse in The Lord’s Prayer, “thy…

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  • Where is God?

    I am not the same person who was diagnosed eight months ago. When being told you have Stage IV cancer, it’s not something you process in one day. You notice everything. You…

    June 6, 2024
  • And so it is.

    Our divorce was finalized a year ago on May 1, 2023. Exactly one year prior, David “coincidentally” wrote me a letter on 5/1/22 that forever changed our lives. We had been struggling with connection…

    May 1, 2024
  • I love you, Dominic.

    March 16, 2024 “You need to fight, Maria,” said my girlfriend tearfully as she took tea bags and snacks out of her purse. I told her I was ok, but she insisted on visiting…

    March 16, 2024
  • Finding my Joy.

    A couple weeks after the cancer diagnosis, I was on a plane to Costa Rica for an Ayahuasca journey I scheduled months beforehand. Originally, I booked this trip to support a friend and felt…

    February 8, 2024
  • I have Cancer.

    Last Friday I woke up at 4am to a gnawing pain in my lower abdomen. I’ve underwent a lot of tummy pain recently and just had a colonoscopy for low iron and internal bleeding.…

    November 15, 2023
  • A New Chapter.

    I remember sitting across from my mother and her friend at lunch exactly seven years ago in a state of bliss. Despite what had erupted the past year in my marriage, I had a…

    May 11, 2023
  • My Love Story.

    February 15, 2023 In the last several years practicing meditation, I learned how to still my mind. In that silence, I started to observe patterns in me and around me. I noticed repetitive words.…

    February 15, 2023
  • Surrendering to my path.

    In all my years posting online, you’ve never seen me post about a birthday celebration Most of my life I’ve always been pensive, melancholy and seeking solitude on my birthday. The question “Why am…

    November 28, 2022
  • My Mirror’s Reflection…

    Late May, after a deep and emotional conversation – I noticed the skin around my lips become uncomfortably dry. As I prepped for my stepdaughter’s birthday, I would press a napkin against my lips…

    August 17, 2022