October 8, 2013
Today I cried.
I cried because I missed my husband. I missed the young couple we once were. I missed the moment we first met, I missed the long drives we once took, I missed sharing a bed with him – just he and I – without a child in-between.
I see him often in-between tasks, during dinner and before bedtime. We plan date nights once a month and interact via text throughout the day. Despite these weak efforts to stay connected, in the monotony of our busy lives, I felt like we lost our passion for each other. Some days I would look in the mirror and wonder if he really saw me – because in becoming an abrupt mother of three boys, I often wonder if I could see me anymore.
Fall season always reminds me of when I first met my husband.
Many years ago I decided to network with other nonprofits on MySpace and found an intriguing comment from a handsome man. So I clicked on his profile, went directly to his blogs and was immediately impressed by his profound poetry. I didn’t check if he was single or look through his photos. I simply subscribed to his blogs without giving it much more thought.
As a writer and blogger, it was natural for me to connect with people online and resonate deeply with their thoughts. At the time I had no idea his inspiration came from a history paved with success, divorce, failure, love, injury, pain, depression and hope.
A couple weeks later I received several comments on my blogs. It took me some time to realize it was the ‘poet’ I subscribed to weeks beforehand. After several emails, we began conversing for long durations on the phone. A month or so after, we finally met.
Before getting off the plane to meet him I felt mildly uncomfortable in my skin. Despite my efforts to lose weight, I was still 20lbs overweight from years of disordered eating. I quit my corporate job months beforehand and returned home to live with my parents. I just founded a nonprofit and lacked a steady income. He was a former Marine and divorced father with a traumatic brain injury. When we joined, both our lives were experiencing a transitional stage of humility and perseverance.
When we first gazed at each other, I was in disbelief that this was the man I shared so many endless nights talking about life, love, happiness and hopes with. He wasn’t the man I typically dated – obviously – as I never dated anyone with such a colorful past. Despite some of his initial ‘baggage’, I instinctively knew that we were both meeting each other during a moment in time. Things change. We will change. And we never know what the future held for either of us. I will not always have my beauty, we will not always have our youth – and as David has already experienced, we may not always have time – especially when you only have 5% chance of surviving after a car bomb in Iraq.
So I miss that time.
I miss that moment. The moment we first caught eyes, first held hands, first touched lips…I miss the moments that eventually created the ripple effect of lasting change and revolution in two very different people, with two different life histories.
In our years together we have both transformed. Despite our united journey in raising a family and sustaining a marriage, we often forget that we are still on our personal, individual life journey – trying to find who we are and what makes life’s hustle more meaningful. It’s not for him to define my life for me –or vice versa – it’s for us to help each other, support each other, forgive each other…
Today I cried. I cried because I want to begin prioritizing the first commitment that birthed the multitude of commitments I now experience daily. I want our marriage, the way we envisioned it… a marriage permeating in passion purpose and promise, a hopeful life that we know, without each other, would not be possible.
The first step in wanting change is to feel and desire it in your heart. I deeply missed my husband yesterday and today I am going to start displaying it, saying it and praying for it.
I love you David.
One of our engagement photos in Sacramento. Image by Eye Connoisseur.
This was beautiful. I too have cried over similar situations. But your love for eachother still shines through no matter what happens in life! Commitment is a BEAUTIFUL thing. XO
You said the right word, “commitment” – it’s difficult but it is beautiful
I can totally relate to this. I often feel the same way since my husband and I both work full time, have 2 active boys, and on top of that he works swing shifts so we are often on different schedules. I too miss the way we were 10 years ago when we first met. Need to work on getting back to those times!
yep – on the same page. Let’s get to work!~
Beautiful! I am newly married and had only been with my husband less than 2 yrs prior to our wedding day. I’m aware that although things are whimsical and beautiful now, that many years down the road things will change, we will change, and our marriage will have to adapt. But the first step in all that is the desire and willingness to keep making it work. Thanks for the great post!
I understand where you are coming from as we discovered we were pregnant a little less than a year after dating. It was a commitment right away but I knew he was the one and I would stay committed to him…
I love your story, your a beautiful women, I wish I had the energy you have to look the way you do. I am also a Mother of 3, daughters, my girls are bigger now 18,14 and 10. I love the story you posted today because I also miss my husband and the times we used to have together, before all the craziness that we have been thru. The great thing that you and your husband have is that, you guys still make time for each other. Where we don’t anymore. it’s been too many years to count. I wish you all the best with your beautiful family. God bless
You can get more energy and you can make time now (with your husband). You just have to desire it! I know it’s tough but it is possible…
This brought tears to my eyes. I too have three children and can relate. Thank you for sharing this.
Thanks Brandi. 3 kids rock
I can relate to this blog so much! My husband and I have been married 6 years and we have three children (the oldest just turned 4 and youngest 1) and one on the way. We do date nights weekly, however, the last few weeks we haven’t due to the pregnancy sickness (it is not morning sickness when it is all day long). Some days I miss those days when it was just the two of us. I wouldn’t change my life for anything. But I do know exactly where you were coming from. I was just thinking about this as I went to bed last night. When I read your blog this morning I was amazed at how closely I felt the same way! I will begin praying for your marriage as well 🙂
Ohh girl !I cried too, definitely, I’m just like you, it’s amazing, I’m shocked, sometimes one believes to be the only person who feels this way, I am grateful to read this and see that we are not alone in this, so I guess thinking about it now we are not the only different.
Have discovered you on facebook was great!
I apologize for my terrible English, I hope you can understand me.
God bless you
Thanks Andrea. I appreciate your comment and happy you found me!
You’re a gifted writer with the soul of a poet Maria, you captivate your readers with the heart of truth in your pen. I have found such a man at long last myself after kissing many toads for 42 years. I recognize the gift we have been given and totally understand these moments you miss, I am living my moments now. Thank you for sharing this.
Thank you Vida.
Your words are so deep! You speak for so many people when you talk about missing that connection with your love. We see that a lot in our office. My husband and I have a marriage counseling practice. But not everyone who comes to us is falling apart…although so many people do come to us when their relationship is falling apart and we’ve helped them stop their divorce, remarry each other after they’ve divorced and are having second thoughts about their separation, and we have helped hundreds of people recover after infidelity.
We see people who don’t want their marriage to end up like the status quo and so they are determined to be proactive. It is so lovely to see couples come in worried and hurting and then a few weeks later they are just overflowing with passion for each other again. I love seeing people in love! If you would like more info you can check us out at http://www.MarriageSolutionsTulsa.com aka http://www.familyandlifesolutions.com. There is a bunch of free info on there. Congrats on your love together!!!
Thank you for what you do.
Thank you for putting it down in words. You are a gifted writer. Thank you for sharing 🙂
Thanks Cherelle. It took a lot of practice and years to be able to be an expressive writer.
My 10th anniversary is coming up and thanks for sharing something we can relate to. This was beautifully stated.
10 years is such a milestone. David and I rarely buy gifts or celebrate big on anniversaries, but I think we will start making a bigger effort this year.
That was so beautifully said, Maria. Fall time holds a special spot in my heart too, as it is the time when my s/o and I met—we just celebrated our 3rd year (dating) anniversary. Although he and I are not married yet, we act very much as a married couple. Just recently, I realized that we have drifted apart, and with every might that we have left, we are trying hard to rekindle what we once had. Slowly, we are falling in love again. You’re right, the first step is to feel and desire it. Yes, I want it.
Great – so we will both be sad and happy at this time of year, every year! LOL
what a great read! thank you for this…so heartwarming!
This year, my husband & I celebrated our 20th Anniversary. We went to watch Fast Six as it was the first day out in theaters on our Anniversary day. Our 18 year old daughter, as well as a couple of nephews tagged along. Yes, I did say “18 years old daughter”. Aside from her growing up so fast, and with her being our only child, we focused our life on giving the best childhood that we could. Lots of sacrifices, lots of work trying to fulfill our dreams as a family. We had our ups & downs, near break-ups, loving moments & screaming fights that our whole neighborhood could probably hear. But it was amazing to see us reach that 20th year milestone still intact. And now that our daughter has graduated high school, she’s till far from standing on her own; so our next 5 years is probably going to be dedicated to helping our daughter accomplish her dreams of becoming whatever it is she wants to become. And for us as a couple, rekindling our love is not as frenzied as our first few years, but it’s genuine and nurturing. I believe we’ll make it to our Silver Anniversary. And I believe you both will, too, someday. Aloha!
Wow! I cannot wait to reach 20 years! AND beyond! I see elderly people with children in their sixties often! Thank you for your encouragement.
Make time for your diety, and you will. My wife and I (and God) made it to 25 this year…
Beautiful read. It’s so refreshing to hear of a couple in the spot light so to speak WANTING to deepen their commitment to each other. Far too often our society promotes and even idolizes unfaithfullness. You are a role model too us all. Blessings to you both!
It’s not easy and we have struggled, but we are striving (and thriving!)
Such a beautiful expression of love. When one half is not near the other half sometimes cries. Your words are a blessing. Thank you!
Wow, beautiful Maria…I have been married almost 21 years and can relate to what you wrote. It takes a lot of hard work and forgiveness that is for sure….but it is a commitment I plan to keep.
Hi Maria, lovely piece, I admire your write up and this really tear me up. You are a woman who is not only beautiful outside but also beautiful inside. with God through prayers and love you will get to that point where you were when you met your husband. The love is still there and you have all it takes to keep it going.
thanks for your write up, i am particularly inspired by the one on falling in love with a stranger. i really related to that. Still hoping and waiting for my stranger to find me and i know he will very soon. Thank you so much for been whom you are and never let negative words pull you down. They should give you the strength that you are doing a beautiful thing.
Love to your family
Maria — I was very touched by your story and I almost cried after reading it….. You and your husband are lucky and blessed to have each other and your beautiful family. Anytime you need reassurance of that, look at that wonderful engagement photo you have posted. That is definitely enough to make a true romantic like me get misty-eyed.
I think it is awful that you are getting terrible comments from people like that…I thought it was extremely tasteful and the boyshorts are in it is jusst that most people couldn’t look as good as you….keep on keeping on gril you look wonderful with so much light and life in your eyes and what an accomplishment to have that body of yours with three kids…don’t listen to their negative comments…you see so much trash on facebook and on the television.. I do think it is just plain old jealousy and anal rententive qualities ….lead on
Maria, I know exactly how you feel. Sometimes I wish I could somehow divorce my husband after 20 yrs of marriage and make him court me again. How can we do this? I need that passion!
And having ‘divorced’ him, are you sure he’d *want* to court you (or anyone else) again? I love my wife of 23+ years but if it were all to end tmo, I won’t be doing it again. For any reason.
The way we do it; is by getting away somewhere new together. We want to redo our first road trip when we get some time, just the two of us. I know Maria and I love to dance but in the last few years, I have not been motivated. So, my plan is to take her dancing soon 🙂
You might have to be the first one to start the passion in order for him to get on the same train.
I know you can do it!
Make your love for your spouse SELFLESS. As if you’re working out for a competition. Don’t worry about the pain it took to get there, just do it. In time, your significant other will do the same, and then, WOW. I know, after both of us made our love for each other sacrificial, everything fell into place. And I mean everything. Since that moment eight years ago, we’re like young lovers in almost every way, except we know each other so much better…
Beautiful and touching. God bless you and your family.
Just saw an article on yahoo and found you by chance. You are an amazing woman. From reading your above story, and your short bios on the front page . You live life by the chance and by the moment, yet you do take the time to relect. Great story to share. Wish you and your family the best. You are one of the many inspiring people walking on this planet. And today, I found you by chance. Thanks for sharing great stories.
I’ve enjoyed reading your blogs. Thank you so much for sharing. Kindly disregard any negative comments other’s have posted. Most people are not dedicated enough to put in hard work to look the way they want to (myself included). It takes a lot of commitment, and you are right, it is all about ones mentality. Just remember that regardless of what we do in life, we will never make everyone happy, and it’s okay because it is not our purpose in life to keep everyone happy. That would be impossible. May the Lord continue to bless you and your beautiful family. Such a beautiful story. Thank you again for sharing.
Great & inspiring story. Being so honest about your eating disorder and seeing you now. Wow. Right? Who can have a pity party and not go out there and change their lives? I stumbled across you on the web with something trending about people hating on you because of the photo with your kids. I think its great. I think its wonderful. People have to quit being so negative! I wish you the best.
I was surfing Yahoo! and found your website. I don’t typically care for blogs and I’m glad I read through your excerpts. You’ve really inspired me (mom of just one and hoping for a second). You’re a very talented writer and I wish you and your family the best.
Yahoo featured you today. You have been getting flack from some…
Bottom line: You have your act together. Those who don’t become haters, filled with jealousy. Perhaps one day each of them will have evolved to where you have already been for a while.
Maybe they will learn from you; maybe they won’t. Whatever happens, don’t divert your energy to them; it will be wasted.
Keep doing what you are doing.
Keep being who you are.
I saw an article about you on Yahoo! and my Husband also showed me your picture and the first thing out of my mouth (seriously) was “Wow! You go girl!” and he also told me what all the uproar was about. I think what you’re doing is absolutely amazing! Keeping healthy, fit, and in excellent shape for your family is incredibly awesome! I think it’s sad that people would react so negatively but your reply was spot on, classy, and tactful. I admire what you’re doing (staying active and not buried in your iPhone or whatever, and interacting with your kids). I also read through a couple of your blogs and you sound amazingly busy (how in the world does any mother have time to watch tv) so really, it’s not at all surprising that you look the way you do. You put in the effort and this is the result. I say “WAY TO GO MAMA!” You look incredibly amazing and HOT and yeah, all I have to say is just “good for you!” I’m also a fellow mama of two and although I’m not as “buff” as you (just skinny from not getting a chance to eat as often as I’d like) I have to say, seeing you is definitely an inspiration to want to get active and healthy for myself so I can play along with my kids. Disregard all the haters. You’re doing the right thing and I think you’ve definitely earned the honor of sharing (and being proud of) your success! It’s got to take a lot of commitment and determination to do what you’re doing and all I can say is THANK YOU for showing that it is possible to accomplish what you’ve done! Especially after having THREE kids! Goodness woman! You ARE amazing!
Hang in there, 🙂 marriage have its ups and downs. You’re determined and smart. You have the body you deserve to have, you made no excuses, its the same with your relationship with your husband. Take care
What a cry baby! Geez, get a life, woman!!!
What a lovely, moving reflection on your marriage. It definitely resonated.
I stumbled on your blog after reading the yahoo article. Just wanted to thank you for showing us what can be accomplished with hard work- all the nay-sayers seem to conveniently forget all that you do to get to where you are.
Wow, I have to admit that I really reasonate with you Maria. Good to see there still are nice and passionate girls out there.
Great story! I too, met my wife online in 2009. It seemed like the most imperfect time for us to connect, I was uprooting my life and moving 4 hours away to start a new job. I had forgotten about the site that I had posted my profile on 1 year prior, until I received her message, ‘You seem like a great father!’ I always attached pics of of my daughters so women could know up front, that we come as a package deal. Once I read her message, it instantly intrigued me. Her profile had no pic, and I didn’t care, we exchange numbers, and texted for the next two months, sharing stories of our lives, and our wonderful children. We finally spoke on the phone 2 months after her first message, and met in person one week later. The initial nervousness of meeting someone new was not there, for we had already fallen in love through our messages, seeing the TRUE beauty of one another! It was challenging, me working 4 hours from her, but I came home every weekend, and picked up my daughters, and we ALL spent great family time together. Taking trips to the beach, Yosemite, and other fun family things were always on the agenda. We were engaged 5 months later, and married in December 2012. Our five combined daughters get along wonderfully, and have already graduated high school, moving on with their lives. I recently got a job in Kuwait, and she is now living with me, shadowing me as I am typing this, lol. We are soulmates, best friends, and have wonderful lifetime of memories ahead.
Re-connect with your soulmate Maria, he is there waiting. Whether it be a text from the other room (which me and my wife do sometimes just for laughs) or long walks which provide for great talks. I hope your fire gets re-kindled, because we all deserve to live happy 🙂 No more tears,
Glenn & Roxcee
This is a great story and it really hits home for me. I have been on the night shift for 11 1/2 years, still waiting to get enough seniority to go to days. Luckily, I have a very understanding wife. Though we have unconventional ways, we have always made it through the good times as well as the bad. We make it work, but we could sure use more date nights! 🙂
nice job on yahoo!
Wow, Maria, are you now super famous or what?! I stumbled upon your name on Yahoo today and all I can say is all that uproar regarding your photo is totally unnecessary. I’m a mom of two and I still struggle to get back to my old weight since my first child but I don’t think your photo mocks moms like me at all. If anything, you are an inspiration. Your bashers and haters are actually those that are most guilty of making excuses. In retrospect, a woman as gorgeous and beautiful as you can really get a lot of jealous onlookers, you know. I admire your hard work in keeping yourself fit and youthful. Never forget how many people were inspired and awed by you. It totally trumps the number of people who are against you. So, now, go and get your man back. 🙂
So I do my morning routing when I get to work than once I settle down I go on Yahoo.com. I see this news feed about “Maria Kang” uproar about “Hot Mom” on Facebook. I’m thinking to myself “oh what now”, so of course me being me, I clicked on it to read it. I saw THE PICTURE lol, said to myself, “Hold up, I seen this chick before, INSTAGRAM!” lol. (Oh which I’m following you know – TO BE INSPIRED)
You’re awesome! You are 32 and have 3 kids. If I could do it all over shoooo I would have too. I’m 28 and have a 5 year old daughter. I’m contemplating if I want to have another baby as I speak lol. There are things in life both my boyfriend and I want to achieve first. I just don’t want to wait too long to have another kid. You are lucky to have your kids to grow up together. EVEN if you decide to have another one lol 😉 So look at it this way by the time you are 45 and up, you and your husband can have the time of ya’ll life! You guys can party like you were 21 again!
The coolest comment I got from younger group of girls, “I’m the really fast girl” I play Co-ed adult league soccer. It made me feel real good ESPECIALLY I’m 28! But to my knowledge the young girls doesn’t really know my age. Although I do think I’m a lot faster now than I was years ago maybe even highschool. Lol.
So I read the article, and I thought it was awesome how you explained everything about the controversy. In America, there’s no medium. People either love you and want you to succeed or hate you and hope that you fail. But everyone has their own opinions about things, all we can do is live our life and continue to be a good person. I think everyone in this world has issues lol, we are not perfect but only God knows who is good and right.
I came across your website/blog because you trending in Yahoo.com . I read your post on Oct 8, 2013 and much of what you said I can relate. How to bring back to romance in marriage, we are very much struggling. I am wishing you the best and hope that many of us passionate people will find passion of love once again. Maybe someday.
“I just hope that the person who feels completely overwhelmed can see they can control their own destiny. To know that there’s no excuse for not making time for yourself.”
These are the words that resonate with me as I read the article on Yahoo. I also read your blog from last week and I understand how you are feeling. God Bless.
What a beautiful story. I am older now, in my 50’s, and, up until a year ago, I could not have understood what you were talking about. Three years back, I met a woman that unknowingly transformed my life into a giver and an appreciation for the things that provide nourishment for the heart. One year ago she was gone. I also missed her when we were together, as I miss her now and I believe, always. Thank you the gift of sharing the bitter sweet moment of “missing”.
Steve, such kind sweet words. “She” is never really gone. Her memory will live on and be with you forever. #blessings
I feel ya! It’s this world. The 9-5 daily grind. It never seems to end. Every day is the same. It’s like the movie “Groundhog Day”. We wish we could runaway to the mountains together with no worries and no need of money. This world has created a institute of slavery. I for one, want out! The simple life is long forgotten.
I’m not a mother, I’m not married and I’m not in a relationship. I’m a young woman who is very, well just a bit, obsessed with fitness. i have a dream of having sons when I’m married, and to be a good example to them and to be able to play with them. This is very inspiring. Thank you. Be blessed.
I’m a newbie to your site. I was inspired to check it out after seeing the picture of you and your boys floating around Facebook. I was inspired by your picture and the hard work I know it took to get there. In regards to this post, if you don’t mind, I would like to offer you a little advice 🙂 Just a few things about myself…I am an almost 39yr old stay-at-home/home-schooling mom to 10 and almost 8yr old girls. My husband is a law enforcement officer, an officer in the Coast Guard Reserves, and a volunteer EMT. Now for my (I hope gentle and well intentioned) advice:
My husband and I recently celebrated 17yrs of marriage. As you so accurately say…things change, people change. And boy have we, and they! We have experienced nearly 5yrs of life in Europe when he was active duty military, we have both earned 4yr degrees online, we have adjusted to life on one income, we have adjust to life with children. He has had different jobs that took us different places with so many life experiences. We have had our share of trials, our share of “is-it-worth-it” moments. But we also have countless wonderful memories I look back on with great fondness. But what I try not to do, and I would encourage you to do as well, is to not spend my time “missing” any of it. What I have figured out after nearly 2 decades of marriage is that TODAY is going to be the day I miss someday. TODAY is going to be that day I could go back and relive again and again. So I have learned that rather than lamenting days gone by, I try to focus on today realizing that I better enjoy right now since I won’t be able to come back and do it over again later. If you feel you can’t enjoy today because there’s too much to it, perhaps it’s time to take a little off your plate. Focus on today and make it the day you’re going to miss. Do that every day. Then the day you’re living becomes the one you want to focus on and enjoy.
I write this with the best of intentions. I don’t mean to say you’re doing a bad job, or you’re a bad mom or wife. I don’t know you and can’t make such a judgement. On the contrary, I would assume you’re doing a good job with those things. And having made the mistake in the past myself, I would just encourage you spend this day making it one you’ll look back on fondly, rather than missing today because you miss days gone by.
All the best,
Thank for sharing. Beautiful & inspirational what you did here, I got misty eyes!!. If more couples thought the same way you do, the divorce rate would be so much lower. If it’s broken, fix it, don’t throw it away.
I am a 54 year old male, and I do all I can to spend quality time with my wonderful and beautiful wife! When I think of her throughout my day my stress level goes away; it doesn’t get any better than that!
Why to cry ? You have inspired so many mothers to achieve a figure like you.
As a mom of 3 (6, 4 and an infant) and a business owner, I can relate. Life is full and busy already just doing all the things one is supposed to do.
To top it all off, I decided that my life was also mine to live – so in addition to everything else, I resumed music lessons (I used to be a singer in college) and running (I try to run a half marathon every couple of months). Renewing the romance that was the beginning of my marriage is pretty far down the list.
But then again – its a 2 way street; I miss my husband, and am sure he misses me too. Just wish that for once, he takes the lead to do something about it. Otherwise, it’s on my to-do list – I’ll get to it SOMEDAY !!
I’m Joy- I’m 25, I work in the music industry, just started my own website, and have a passion for health & fitness. First off, you are an amazing role model and I look forward to learning from you!
I just found out about your page and I’m loving your writing, your hot bod, and all your wisdom! I just started dating someone that I’ve finally felt connected to and that I could have an evolutionary relationship with and it scares me to death! But I’m trying to take it step by step and enjoy the moments that you’ve mentioned above. Thanks for sharing your stories and for being strong and awesome! I look forward to reading more and following along.
Like many others, just stumbled across your page from a related article about the photo of your fit self with your children. Just wanted to pass on positive words, good on you! Anyone that takes offense to it clearly has issues about themselves they need to address to not feel threatened by someone that stays fit with a full schedule.
Anyway, you ain’t that perfect. You have small body but super big boobs (that will eventually looks like papaya as it sag), which makes you look super imbalance. Oh…and your mouth, they are super huge! Like alligator or even worse! Overall, you look alien. YUCKS!
To “whatever” : My goodness, can we say jealous? There’s nothing wrong with keeping yourself healthy. The benefit of being healthy is that you can also have a nice body. There are some people who just don’t understand that fitness is used for a lot of different things, for example, it helps with depression. Working out or keeping fit keeps some of us sane and happy. Plus it doesn’t take very long. There’s nothing wrong with it. However, there are those such as yourself who cannot commit might envy those who can.
It’s no wonder your name is Whatever…. You have a meaningless life. Stop hatting! Spend time to re-acquaint yourself with God and pray that he helps you become the beautiful person you can be.
“Whatever” your comments are not appropriate in the least. I just found this website and this was the first thing I read. It made a 67 year old get misty eyed. I admire Maria’s courage in marrying a wounded Vet, and can tell she loves him dearly. It is you that should change your attitude on life not Maria.
You certainly seem to enjoy doing your moronic, yet futile, best to insult the host. One who hides behind the moniker “Whatever”, survey says, is likely a fat, lazy, indolent piece of human waste.
I suggest you flush yourself down the nearest toilet bowl and seek there the meaning of your life.
Good for you, stay strong!
There is no excuse for me to Not take better care of myself. There is only one of me, and I have to take time for me. Thanks for the push. No complaints here.
Welcome to marriage with kids! Those romantic days are long gone and will not be back. Men love the initial sex but not so much the long term commitment/marriage stuff. They get bored and soon are more interested in their jobs than their wives. You are lucky you have those kids. They are what is keeping him around.
What a lovely sentiment about your husband and your marriage. I originally came to your website after reading about the controversy of your posted picture with your 3 boys. My daughter has 2 sons and posts pictures of herself and them on face book frequently. The walls of her house are covered with pictures of them. Your boys are handsome. You are lovely. I wish unpleasant comments were filtered. My Mama used to say, “If you can’t say something nice, say nothing.” I like my Mother’s training. Your positive energy flows from your writing. It makes me happy to read your blog.
I know how you feel Maria. I think we all go through a version of this when we have children with the one we love.. It’s almost like at times we feel jealousy towards our children, whom seem to take most of our significant others time, and our time from them. Maria, I want to give you some hope . Our children are with us for only a blink of an eye. We have three children Mathias, Joey, (boy and girl fraternal twins) , and Nathan. The twins are almost 22 and Nathan is almost 19. They are all out of the house already, and my wife and I are experiencing things together like when we first met. I am 46 and my wife is 44 and we are now able to buy fun toys, go out to eat together, a,k the time, and our love for each other has never been stronger.. This is all going to play out beautifully Maria. You and your husband will will make it, and it will be better than the beginning. Have fun, and look forward..
@Whatever, you need some happy pills, better yet, how about you stop spending your time hating on Ms.kang and spend more time exercising you body and mind(physically). Maybe I you exercise you won’t be so bitter and miserable. I will pray for you. And Ms. Kang, I think you are an inspiration to those of us that can appreciate it. I’m even worse, I don’t have any kids and am obese. 🙁
you for not backing down, we need more people like you.
I only just found you today because of a photo that popped up on my Facebook, so then I came to your blog and randomly read this post…
You write beautifully and you should consider writing a book of your love story one day. Obviously, you must enjoy writing since you have a blog. Anyway, just a simple thought. As for that feeling you want to get back… I don’t have much useful advice on subject. Only that I know what you mean. Falling in love is fun and possibly one of the best moments ever. I like to think of my own life in stages. Each stage or period in my life has its ups and downs. Sometimes I too feel nostalgic for something from my past. Recently, the stage of my life that I’ve been miss is my freshman year in college–meeting new friends, feeling carefree, having your whole life ahead of you–but then I think about my current stage. (I’m a new mom.) And I think about how one day I’ll miss this stage in my life too.
You only live once, so try to enjoy the stage you’re in the best you can. Everything disappears in a heartbeat.
Maria, your story sounds so much like me and my wife’s. Life is so busy and we forget to stop and make time for our spouse. We give so much of our time to everything else but give so little to the one person we committed our loves to. I’m going to share this with my wife.
Well, I am not really sure what to say. No, I know. Put down the smart phone and/or Laptop, stop being obsessed with yourself, stop being selfish and spend MORE time with your husband and family. I NEVER reply to stuff (I am on FB but don’t post much at all) like this but this one really hit me. You and your husband should have agreed on your journey for parenthood, how many children, how far in between, how will we stay connected? It is a mutual decision and you BOTH need to be ready. It is pretty common knowledge that life changes with children, My husband and I were only married 7 months before I was pregnant with my first son. We made it work and enjoyed each other in new ways by raising our son. Seeing glimpses of my husband in my son and making new family moments together. We keep writing new chapters in our life. We both work full time and I have a job that also requires me to work after hours from home. Traveling, day to day, baseball practice, homework, etc. Sometimes you make sacrifices for your husband and children. That is how I see it. If that means not blogging so much, miss the gym a couple of times, so be it. As long as you are healthy and you have a strong marriage NOT based on looks alone, that is a beautiful marriage. The good and the bad.
I too saw your post on Facebook and don’t think its right, but that’s opinion. I don’t see your point, basically sounds like a woman screaming for attention. For that, I feel bad for you. You have 3 precious boys that you should direct your energy towards. And just remember, they will become teenagers and may not want their “mom” running around posting half nude pictures all around the internet and national news. Think about it. You need to live with this for the rest of your life. Just be careful and be a role model for your children and not plaster yourself all over the place. It’s called discretion.
Wow your a real ass. For somebody you dislike you sure give them a lot of thought
I don’t know or dislike Maria, I can only listen to her words, her story and what she is representing online and on the news and this is MY opinion of what she represents. The TV media coverage has not been too flattering for Maria also so I know I am not the only mother and wife around that feels this way. Thank you.
Jen: Really? Feeling a bit judgemental today, are we? You don’t sound like someone who’s happy. In fact you sound bitter and spiteful.
Thank you!!! You basically took the word out of my mouth. To me it seems like she hasn’t had time to process the postpartum part after being pregnant for three years. My first normal reaction like many mothers having a child is knowing its not about you anymore. Even in marriage its “we”. If you lost yourself then you never knew who you really are. I wouldn’t let the fear of gaining pregnancy weight take over the fact that there is a bigger responsibility. As many people have said there is no way that this person isn’t lacking something in her life to come off as a “super mom”. We all state personal opinions here and have a due responsibility to how a person reacts. I got this impression because of her blog on bodybuilders, her Facebook page, and now here. I do feel sorry for her because although she tries to believe that peoples personal thoughts toward what she puts out is of their own making, it seems she relies on the support and not the critique that should be valued. She is right if you manage your time you can be healthy…but to realize its not physical but mental health that propells the motivation and happiness. Dry up the tears and get that time with your loved ones and make true sacrifices.
Hey, Jen, where are these “half-nude” pictures of which you speak, you holier-than-thou, negative, scum-sucking, troglodytic know-it-all? Eat feces, 10,000 flies can’t be wrong.
Let’s ask the boys when they are a bit older if they really feel comfortable with the photos Maria posted of herself and their friends calling her a MILF. To some, that may be a compliment but have a feeling it will leave an emotional scar on at least one of them. Not to mention the boys’ picture being broadcast all over the internet and news media without their consent. The children have rights too, but I guess their mother made the decision for them.
Hi, sweetie. Found your website through a Facebook friend and the controversial and gorgeous photo. Can’t believe some people are being so negative. You have three kids, all so close in age, it’s a wonder you can cope and not cry on a regular basis! It will get better. Don’t feel guilty about using a babysitter! I strongly encourage you to get a babysitter to spend even one night in a hotel away from the kids – even if it’s 5 miles away – to feel that sense of not being obligated and being free to “snuggle” any time again. Of course, don’t be surprised if the first time you just take the time to sleep – literally sleep. 🙂 Hugs, Suzie.
I am here because of all the controversy over your photos. I don’t see any controversy. You’re dressed, in the pictures. I believe people are either lazy or envious. And I see why-you’re gorgeous.
Regarding your marriage, your family, your life, may I suggest a book? Matthew Kelly is a Catholic businessman who consults with some of the Fortune 500 companies. He wrote a book called “The Rhythm of Life”. Might help you gain a balance. You need to have time with your husband on a regular basis, unhurried time. Luxurious time. Also, find time together to worship as a family, whatever God (or whatevery you call Him). I have found that, without God in your life, your marriage will easily slip down the wrong slope.
I’ve just begun to follow you. I’ve seen your “controversial” ad a couple of years ago and have thought about it often. It motivates and inspires me – because the truth is, we do have excuses (legitimite or not).
Anyway, i want to thank you for this post. It is so honest and true. We have two kids and I literally had an emotional breakdown after fighting such a long, hard struggle to get our family on its feet. We moved cross country for a better life for our kids and we’ve made so many sacrifices.. one of which is our relationship. He works overnights as a police officer and I work full-time during the day. It’s been exhausting and, sometimes, thankless.
You are absolutely right. We need to STOP and remember. We need to STOP and revel in the love that was once there – and can be there again with some work. I cry with you, Maria.
I came across your site thru a friend sharing your post on Facebook. I started reading your other articles and found them very inspiring. With regards to this article, I like that you can express what you’re feeling but more importantly identify there are things you can do to restore that which you and your husband had. It helped me to identify with my own relationship. Thanks for that
I am glad you popped up on my newsfeed today, and on the radio…oh and the TV. I had to check you out. It is sad really that so many people want to hate you. I read this post and you are just like every woman, except you are incredibly fit and beautiful and not afraid to work for it and encourage others to do so. I for one commend you. People look at you and assume that life is easy for you but in reality it is probably far from that, trying to fit everything in, giving yourself and your commitments the time they require and still pull off being a wife and a parent and finding time to maintain your health!
Sometimes we find we are doing everything that is expected of us but maybe not everything is getting done well. Relationships are work. Good for you for making the conscience effort to make time for your marriage.
Have you considered an aupair? We hired one after our second child was born and it’s been so wonderful. She’s like a member of our family. My husband and I go on weekly date nights and have so much help around the home that we can actually sit down together every evening. I cannot say enough good things about the program and it’s very cost effective. Write me if you have any questions!
Maria, Love your website and you being so candid. Don’t listen to the haters and jealous women. Just keep being yourself. Sincerely, Oliver
Chemicals in our brains make us want to have all these babies and then later we go WTF? They should give all of us girls a vaccination against it until we are past the naive stage. nobody tells you how hard it will be. Why not?
I promise you Paula…as hard as it, the rewards are a trillion times worth it..there is no greater love in this world…the children are not the cause, it’s time or lack there of. There simply isn’t enough time to do it all….the trick is trying to figure it out…
Maria I like your story but I don’t see it. After 23 years of marriage me and my wife divorced. I had put up with too much and she did too. I was in love with her but she loved her family and friends more so I decided not to be last in her life anymore. She insisted that she did love me but her actions were not saying that. After the separation I got in touch with an old love but she too did the same. It is hard for me to hear stories like yours and not be jealous. I have come to the conclusion that it’s me not anybody else. I’m honest, faithful, and loyal plus a hopeless romantic yet none of this mattered to them. At one point I tried to commit suicide and every once in awhile it gets in my mine still. But by the grace of God I haven’t done it. I had a belief that everyone has a soulmate now I see it’s not true. I hate the fact that I feel this way but I can’t help it when everyday I stare at myself in the mirror. Love has become a joke to me and I have retreated into my shell like the hermit crab. I have come to peace that I will live the rest of my life by myself. I’m glad you feel this way in your life but how do I get over all this? Who do I turn to when doubt has become my armour, shield, and weapon. I load my weapon with self hatered, self doubt, and just plain ugliness towards me. Why does everything happen to me? I’m not perfect nor am I a saint but a gentlemen I am. Not beautiful but I’m not ugly. Not rich but I’m well off. So explain to me again why you feel the way you feel.
I can not help but read your post and feel your pain. I myself have been married for 22 years. They were not always the best, but through much hard work, stubburness and not giving up, I found the one that I had married, was the one that I loved and all the times I wanted to get away from her, I never could imagine myself without her.
But before that, I had to learn to love myself. Until I loved myself and who I was and understood that I was NOT a no body, but that I was somebody and as long as I was not doing people wrong and I was living right, then it did not matter what they though. And I was not going to change to the way they wanted me to, just because there was something about me they did not like and were not going to accept me for who I am.
I have learned that no more is anyone going to be able to change me, can I change anyone else.
I encourage you to focus upon yourself, (LOVE YOURSELF, / for who you are) and if people are not lifting you up, but looking to deflate you, then realize, that they are probably not meant for your inner circle.
For truly, our inner circles are small. There is a teaching by an Jimmy Evans titled “The Hurt Pocket”.
Has alot of good teaching in it. I no longer settle for less than what I expect, nor do I let people effect me that do not want to positively give into my life. Because life is a 2 way road, (giving and receiving), if people are only taking and not giving, than they are there for themselves and not for you………
I hope you find that special person in which the Lord made for you and when you do, that they love you as the Lord loves you………..
Have a blessed day……….
Hi jerry! I feel for you.. Just like ms. Maria kang I’m also a filipina.. Happily married with a 5 yr old son living in the Philippines .. I’m also struggling with my weight and at times I miss my old times with my husband.. What caught my attention after reading your post is your true heart and being real to yourself.. You’ve been hurt but somehow your still looking for that great love.. You deserve that.. You also remind me of my older sister who always fall for the wrong guy and gets hurt but in the end she’s still hoping that one day her prince charming will come..
Best of luck with all the media bs and the haters.
hi maria, hello all the way from singapore! i read about your ‘excuse me’ article that has now gone viral all the way here.
beautiful post here and i can understand what you mean. after some time it is hard to ‘see’ each other the way you ‘saw’ each other in the same way you did when you first got married. happens to all of us.
cheers and encouragement from singapore.
That was a beautifully written post. My husband and I have been married for just over 6 years and we have four daughters four and under. Our twin girls are only 3.5 months so life is nuts right now and I am defiantly missing my hubby. I know we will get back to having more us time at some point. But right now being a mom is my number one priority. As my mom always says “it won’t be like this for long” and “you’re going to miss this”. I try to tell myself that daily. We can do this. 🙂
Hi Maria! Love your website and your way of thinking. This post is so beautiful and at the same time sad, but in my opinion you don’t have to give up fighting for the passion and love you both have because it may be a temporary situation if you fight for it to be. It may be great to impress your husband whenever you can with new or different surprises, and then he will realize you’re really fighting. You have to think also that there are a lot of couples who don’t either have enough time to each other so you’re not the only couple and maybe if your trying doesn’t work well (I hope it does work), you can both also try to meet other couples in the same situation or going to a psychologist which aren’t bad ideas. Anyway I wish you the best. Hope to read good news about it! 🙂
I heard about you on the radio this morning and from an article on cnn,com. Personally, I think you are awesome and totally hot! David is a lucky dude!
This post was beautiful but sad at the same time. Almost bitter sweet. Just remember whatever happens, There will always be people who love you and I know things can be very hard not seeing the one you love but things will get better, <3
And your No Excuse Picture is Amazing. I love it and I think the contriversey the picture has caused may actually be a good thing. Some people are getting too hurt over it when they shouldn't be hurt at all, but others are realizing that anybody CAN take care of themselves no matter what, and there isn't an excuse. Your picture is fantastic and I think it can be a wake up call to some people who have been just waiting to start taking more charge of their health. I'm young and very into health and I feel that everyone can take care of themselves no matter what! 🙂 And ofcourse easier said than done, but people should look at this picture as motivation like they can do it too! Not like you are shaming anyone or attacking anyone! So I encourage you to continue being this healthy and I do hope in your life you and your family are happy and to your husband and you I hope you find that love again. Commitment is difficult, but that may be what makes it that beautiful
Ah, bless you. Bless you for your honesty and your openness. In so many areas, you are wise beyond your years. Please accept some wisdom from another young wife/mom-to-many. You’re going to make it. You aren’t and he isn’t the same person from a few years ago. We’re all constantly growing. Grow together in this season and recognize it as that. A season. My husband and I married young. I was 19 and he was 23. I had our first at 21, second at 22, third at 24, fourth at 25 and our fifth just four months ago at 27. 5 kids ages 5 and under. It can take its toll! They’re beautiful and wonderful and clever and sweet and crazy and brilliant. They’re also needy and whiney and clingy and fussy and teething and pooping and hungry and messy and learning to walk and learning “no” and learning independence and learning to buck the system. And you’re learning to mommy a 3, 2 and 1 year old and he’s learning to Daddy a 3, 2 and 1 year old. And at the end of the day, you need to just pour on the grace! Amidst all the craziness (that, really, not a lot of folks can understand!) laugh as much as possible. And forgive. And love. You’re doing great.
You are a mental case, your kid is going to kill himself the way you mismanage them. You need mental help with your constant desire for attention. Eating disorders are psychological disorders. You cannot fix that with working out. The way your kid is not disciplined and how you think it is funny is very sad.
GET SOME MENTAL HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Bill, was that really neccasary? Your a sad person who apparently finds joy in kicking others.
There are several flawed areas of your thinking.
A) how is she “mismanaging” her kids (yes plural since there are 3 boys)
B) how the eff do you know that she DIDN’T receive some form of mental counseling to recovery form her ED?
C) YOU came trolling onto her site-therefore YOU sir are the issue, not Mrs. Kang.
Good day to you Sir!
Agreed Sierra… in addition to haters Maria, you also have to be weary of cyber creeps…such is the time we are living in I suppose…
It is time to bite yourself.
Then get your own life.
@ Bill Meechem
So let’s see here…uhh… you come to here to spew invectives and insults at a person you’ve never met in your entire life telling her she needs mental help and other vile insults. Do you have a disorder? Are you on any kind of prescription medications? Because only deranged psychotic people do these things. I would the real nut job here is the one spewing insults at someone he’s never met. Have a wonderful day Bill – hope you loving family members who will get you some real treatment soon.
Hi Mrs. Kang, I saw your “what’s your excuse” article online and wanted to browse around your website. I read this blog (since it was your last one) and immediately *Felt.*I have felt the same sense of longing, of wanting, of needing to reconnect to what was once there but is no more. I met my soul mate (@13) married (@17), & had 3 children (@21, 23, 25) with the same soul mate. We have had to overcome a lot over the last 20 years (including my disordered eating, miscarriages, and working so much we literally are ships passing in the night), but with our deep sense of love and devotion to each other, we have made it work. Our children are a bit older than yours but not any less active 🙂 You and David met and fell in love for a reason but it doesn’t end there-y’alls love will continue to grow. Like 2 trees next to each other who are both reaching towards the Sun, will eventually intertwine their branches together. Two different trunks but one branch system. Y’all may be on different chosen paths but they do always interconnect and will always be close to one another. Mrs. Kang, you at least have your eyes open and want to ensure that you and David stay connected. Do little things for him even if you don’t think they are all that. Maybe put his glass of OJ in the freezer while you make him breakfast, so it’s nice and cold when he eats; or buy a pack of his favorite Tic Tacs/gum/mints etc, when @ the store. Things to let him know, that no matter what, no matter how busy you are, how much time is demanded of you being a Mommy, a business owner and nonprofit founder-you think about him.
Remember, you will always be his one and only, as he is yours. Good luck to you and your beautiful family.
X I say you look just as beautiful @ 150 lbs. Many of us wish! But good for you for getting even more fitPay no heed to those saying you are bullying, fat-shaming, talk like a Valley Girl, or that you are so vain because you post tons of cutesy pix of yourself. They need a life or a new attitude.
You are an inspiration to me. It’s a mindset of what we choose to do to our bodies and put into them. Some people have wondered if you are being truthful and honest about how you achieved your body; they are speculating there is no possible way of having such a body without some form of plastic surgery. I said I didn’t believe so. It was with determination and a willing body, mind, and soul to believe that a person can work on themselves and have the desire to exercise and be healthy (and with the luck of some good genetics). So, what is your exercise regime AND did you have any cosmetic surgery i.e. abdominoplasty (tummy tuck) for such a great looking stomach after three children??
I find you to be an inspiration. I actually printed off the “what’s your excuse” photo and will be putting it on my refrigerator. I have always worked out but recently decided to take it more seriously and get into shape and your picture helps to give me the kick in the butt that I need. Don’t pay any attention to those who have negative things to say. You have definitely inspired me and I’m sure countless others to stop making excuses and get moving.
That’s such a great idea Nichola…. I think I will do the same…
I think you are awesum. I have had 4 children and have 4 grandchildren. At the age of 45 my daughter’s and i are often mistaken for sisters It doesn’t take much to look after yourself. I am lucky like you. Great genetics. No flabby tummy. People use kids as an excuse. Some need to put in more effort than others butmost importantly be healthy, live happier and be kind to all. People shoukd not ridicule you for the life you have chosen. Take the positive comments and grow more. Keep going you are amazing.
I have three beautiful children , a very busy life, and have tons of quality time with my husband… What’s your excuse. … And if this seems insensitive or mean here is my one and only apology to you: I am sorry for You being so insecure in yourself and so needy and that your own negative thoughts cause you to take offense to the positive words I have written. And yes this is in reference to your offensive picture and your even more offensive non- apology. I don’t know you but based on your OWN words in your non-apology you seem very horrible.
How wonderful Janette, that you have such a perfect life. You, like Maria, are an inspiration. Thank you for your post, and for letting all us other women know how to get it done. How exactly do you do it all? Could you post your daily schedule? Maybe I could use your schedule to figure out to fit about 32 hours worth of stuff into 24 hours in day. Thanks so much,
Well Maria..I thought you words were beautiful and real. As someone who is way more than 20 lbs overweight, I found absolutely no offense in your photo, you look beautiful and healthy, above all. Your children look happy and healthy and I think that is the point that some people are missing. Your words resonate to many women regarding marriage. I work full time, am in school for my Master’s and often times will look to certain areas in my life to find where I am failing. Sometimes I feel that I am failing as a mother because my son wants to play a game with me but I have to do schoolwork instead, sometimes I feel like I am failing as a wife because my husband wants to spend some time cuddling on the couch while we are watching TV after the kids go to bed, and I just want sleep. Nothing will be perfect, there will be failures. I have learned that my failures have also led to my successes. Please keep up the good work and positive energy. Know that there will always be people that hate because of their own insecurities, please don’t let them be the reason why you don’t put yourself out there for those of us who think you ROCK. I would love to be where you are someday. I will never look like you, but I would love to be as healthy as you…hopefully, someday….
I stumbled across your blog from your “whats your excuse” photo that my friend posted on her FB! I wanted to say, when I saw this particular post, I also cried that morning whilst doing devotion with my husband. We have 2 kids and life has been great but 180 degrees change from when we did not have children. It was hard to explain at that moment in how i even feel, but what you wrote is exactly how I feel. Thank you for your honestly. Its encouraging to know that other moms out there feel the same. I too will start displaying it, saying it and praying for it 🙂 God Bless!
Hi Maria-Thumbs up to you! I had caught a glimpse of the controversy in the news and wondered what all the fuss was about…I was wondering, why still today, any woman should have to explain herself for being real. The world is complicated enough.
I am a mother of two and well in my 40’s….my one source of strength is being happy with myself…which I had to learn how to do in my 20’s and even my 30’s. The fact that you seem strong, motivated, healthy, focused and happy should be celebrated. Not criticized. I agree that the negative comments you may receive are not about you per se.
I think you are a wonderful role model for young woman and mothers alike.
Life will have its ups and downs of course….just keep looking at your kids and husband and remember what keeps you happy, grounded. Glass half full concept always seems to work.
Keep moving forward and the best to you and your family.
‘I was wondering, why still today, any woman should have to explain herself for being real.’
This is exactly the problem people have with the image, as it both demands that anyone who doesn’t look like Marian explain themselves and writes of their explanation as an ‘excuse’ in one fell swoop.
mi pregunta es, como eliminaste todas esas estrias de tu abdomen q dijiste q tuviste? estoy embarazada y m llene de estrias en el abdomen
Saw the internet backlash against you and it brought to mind the crab bucket mentality. In a bucket full of crabs, the greatest crime a crab could commit is to try and climb out of the bucket. You touched a nerve and the vehemence of their response speaks volumes about them. Hope someday they’ll get out of the “I can’t, I won’t, I don’t” mentality.
Keep on doing what you’re doing. Be well.
You look pretty good after three babies. Not everyone is blessed with that combination of genes – my wife carries her stretch marks to this day, but with pride. Our son is in his first year of university. Momma and I are slowly getting to know each other as a couple again. It feels strange to be ‘Steve’ again, and to call her ‘Lia’. We’ve been ‘Momma’ and ‘Dad’ for so long. These titles are earned; they describe our place in the body of our family. We will never NOT have them, but as our own individual selves re-emerge, Lia and I are getting re-acquainted. So don’t cry too much for your younger selves. They are still there, but they will be on vacation for a while – at least 18 years, if my experience is anything to go by.
What a nice post and a reminder there is still happy days ahead!!!
It is true, if you eat healthy and exercise you can be in shape, no matter what circumstances. I congratulate her for keeping herself in shape after having 3 kids…most women who have one child just let themselves go. The one’s who are complaining are just plain lazy and probably look like Rosie O’Donnell…Gluttony and Sloth are two of the 7 Deadly Sins, and so is Envy and Anger, so these lazy women have only 3 more Deadly Sins to go.
For all the people who are wasting time criticizing Maria’s healthy lifestyle and questioning whether she has a job or whether those three kids are really hers…get off your butts and go out and exercise! If you don’t believe her or don’t want to look like her, then STOP READING THE STUFF! Get a life!
If you are so clear about these feelings, and hopefully his, then no time to waist. Prioritize and get him back , or let him get you back.
Hi Maria, thank you for your story and inspiration. I can relate with you in many levels. I am a mother of 2 and work full time. Recently I started my weight loss journey. Like you I have been visualizing a better, happier and healthier life. I’ve been meeting amazing people through social media that have helped me along the way. You truly are an inspiration. Stay focused and positive.
You are very mean. I doubt you could live up to her high standards she has set for her life. She will
do great things in her busy life. We all have to set priorities.
What a horrible existence you must lead in this life that you get your kicks by coming onto things like this and saying such hateful words…or maybe you are just so sad and pathetic this is your last attempt for attention?
hello Maria, I was signing on to facebook on my computer and you seem to be on #1 news in facebook good thing good or bad that’s how I found you. Good for me but bad for those who have negative things to say like you said no excuses and we don’t have excuses we just make them because it is easier to do that than stay commited Ive been over weight almost all my life but usually just 20lbs over but after my second I became 44lbs over weight shes 3 now but now I have a 3month old and find myself being 62lbs over weight which I know is Obese. I know I can do it it wont be easy but I choose not to on a daily basis. I am excited to have found you and appreciate someone who is willing to help others…thank you! I will begin my journey today!
Your comment and picture have created a ridiculous firestorm. I want you to know, that as a morbidly obese individual I did not in any way find your picture or the “What’s your excuse?” comment offensive or derogatory. You were simply stating that people like myself need to work on it. And we do. I know I do. I was depressed and ate my way into obesity. It sucked, while I gained, and it still sucks while I am overweight. Everyday my back hurts, my feet hurts, and I am exhausted. But I am slowly making life style changes to change all the bad habits I have created for myself over the years. It takes time, and it is going to take me a long time. Keep doing what you do, and don’t let those that are calling you names and being rude get you down. Prayers, love, and best of luck to you and yours!~
This is a very sweet, honest reply. You sound like a very strong, determined person. Good luck to you in your journey!
Saw the media frenzy. Hope is a powerful thing…second only to love. Nothing is wrong with your picture but the caption reminds me of the saying, you get more with honey than vinegar. What’s your excuse? and then an unusually “perfect” body after three kids. Do you have a medically fragile child who you don’t want to take a minute away from let alone daily taking an hour away? You have the use of all your limbs. You also have genetics on your side. Ask any geneticist how genetics play into body shape. One may be healthy weight wise etc. but may never look like you. Your caption is what came across as condescending and elitist. Too bad it wasn’t more positive!! Maybe “You too can take time for you and your health.” God forbid something happens to your health or your kids’ and you’re not in the same place you are today! Not all situations are “excuses” and your caption suggested that. A little more positive thought would have had you consider something that didn’t make the assumption that all who are less “perfect” than you are, are thus making excuses. Love the story of your life, just don’t love the caption on your picture!! That caption is what people are responding to! Keep God and family first! You have a higher calling when you put yourself out there than simply a gorgeous exterior. Practice love, faith and hope and your next caption might incite hope and motivation, rather than condescension and hopelessness.
This blog: “I cried,” is so beautifully written and well articulated. I’m 9 months pregnant right now and due any day. I too have struggled with my weight and body image and once resolved to never have kids. I met the right man and we decided to have this baby. Pregnancy has not been easy for me, especially with the ways you have to surrender your body to the baby. I have stretch marks now, I’m the biggest I’ve ever been, and that has been hard. I also worry about the baby changing our relationship. Reading this raw and honest blog reminded me of how we too got here and how much this journey means to us, and that it’s just beginning. Thank you for writing it and know that it struck a beautiful chord with me and my significant other.
@ shut up bitch.
So if you supposedly “don’t care”… what are you doing on Maria’s blog commenting? People that don’t give a shit just usually just move on without taking the time to post. BTW, I love your username “shut up bitch”…. you must be a real delight to meet at parties. Do you get out much?
This is a very nice and heartfelt write. It’s really nice to have such strong hopes and desires in life. Unfortunately, sometimes, that same life gets in the way of such hopes.
So were you married and flew to see another man?
You may want to re-read the post. She makes a transition when she says “Fall season always reminds me of when I first met my husband.” After that she explains how she met him, not another man.
You’re either part of the solution, or you’re part of the problem. First, you have to educate yourself to the problem, and see how it will effect our (and future generation’s) freedom of speech, and ability to blog.
Superficial meaningless fluff…
Creating time and desiring to do it is the thing, I am yet there, actually we’ve really drifted apart. We really need to work on this
Maria, how wonderful it is to read how much you value and treasure your husband and your marriage!! Your heart is in the right place. You are a rare gem and a true inspiration to all. God bless you.
Just catch this blog from a post on yahoo shine. And to surprise I see a women like you.
I am man of few dreams. I never like to see dreams, or go in past and see what has happen. Just learn my mistakes. And yes i love to keep on changing. After all its dynamic world, so why not we.
I never interfere in any once life. Just add comment to say here all visitors. Be yourself like Maria Kang.
Cheers for every new day you see in your life.
Source: Yahoo Shine:
I would just say that it seems odd to me the thing you single out about yourself is “your beauty.” One, if you’re speaking of your physical beauty….that’s in the eye of the beholder, first. Many people honestly would not think you have “beauty.” So, I hope you don’t think that’s your biggest attribute, or what defines you… Assuming one concurs that you are physically beautiful, you are very right in that physical beauty doesn’t necessarily last forever. Thus, I would hope you focus less on your “physical beauty” and more on your “inner beauty,” because inner beauty can last until our last breath.
I just threw up on my own face.
Wow, it’s like you were in my head this morning as I read this. Love my hubby of 16 years, our two kids (6 and 8, and a life NO ONE would complain about. But we have been lamenting our lack of intimacy and as you say, the relationship we once had. As I write this, I realize we just have to make fixing this a priority. Done! Thanks for the inspiration. And by the way, first time to your site. Checking out the background behind your picture frenzy after hearing about it on the radio. I am also a pretty fit (and skinny) working mom. Women love to tell me, literally “You need to eat a hamburger”. Seriously, I want to say” You need to lay off the burgers (and the fries, and the shakes)” but I don’t because that would be rude. I’m not sure why society finds it acceptable to comment on the body shape of thin women. Anyway, if I ate burgers I wouldn’t be more curvy, which women imply I need to be, I would have a fat belly hanging over my pants. That’s just the way my body was made, people!
Maria, I hope you are going to take advantage of all this crazy PR and get your “belly ball” DVD produced. Any LA production company will get it out in a matter of days! Stay cool, and you are doing great, from a fellow Elk Grove parent.
I wish you much success. You look absolutely wonderful. I just saw your interview regarding your post. There are times people don’t want to face facts and can’t accept when reality is staring them in the face. “What’s your excuse?” is a valid question. My mentor always told me- “An excuse is an excuse for another excuse”
One day I hope to find the love you share with your husband. 🙂 Tonya
Beautiful story and beautiful family you have. Making time for each other when children are growing up so important. It’s nice to go down the memory lane once in a while, together and talk about the fun times.
I don’t think you really *thought* about your relationship before you decided to have children.
Children will screw up a relationship faster than anything else. Everything you do is about them, for them, and with them. Most people who have children appear to be extremely unhappy or unfulfilled, or dissatisfied. I’ve yet to come across an honest parent who wouldn’t go back and change things. I’d like to feel empathetic for you – but I simply cannot. When you birth a child, you are not longer an independent human being.
Best of luck.
Wow. Every single word you said was wrong. I’m sorry your parents didn’t love you, but the great majority of us treasure our children. They are the reason I’m happy, the reason I’m fulfilled and the reason I’m satisfied. Our children bring my wife and I much closer together.
Children won’t fix a broken relationship, which sounds more like the situations you are describing. Too many people “playing house” these days.
JacqiB, children only screw up a relationship based on selfishness and narcissism. In a healthy relationship, children actually make for a stronger bond, as two people are united in a common goal of loving and caring for their offspring.
It is true that children shouldn’t be treated as a band-aid or magic solution to a tenuous relationship. Married couples must grow together and seek to build a strong foundation of trust, service to one another, humility, forgiveness, kindness, and support for each others’ dreams and aspirations. Once they have found their footing and are able to regularly forgive and serve one another in love and respect, choosing to bring a child into this life will lead to a greater level of love and purpose.
The most beautiful and compelling legacy you can leave in this life is a loved, cared-for child, who wants to make the world a better place because you gave them the gift of compassion, intelligence, a strong work ethic, and the ability to see possibilities where others see only problems. This is what my parents gave to me, and what my husband and I hope to give to our future children.
Independence doesn’t mean being selfish, it means being strong enough to lift others when they are burdened, confident enough to forgive loved ones when they make mistakes, intelligent enough to know when to be silent and when to speak, secure enough to be able to work alone or with a group, and self-assured enough to hold strong to one’s principles and moral compass when nobody else will.
My parents are still happily married after nearly a quarter of a century of marriage. They raised four children to adulthood, all of whom are happy and actively pursuing fulfilling lives and striving to do good wherever they are. We still interact with each other on a regular basis, and consider our siblings and parents to be our friends and supporters in our life pursuits.
It doesn’t mean that every day is a perfect day. But the opportunities presented to parents are unique and wonderful, if people could just be brave enough to work hard for them. All emotions will be experienced, including sadness and nostalgia, pain and broken hearts, and anger and misunderstanding. But with effort, forgiveness, and second chances, strong families move forward and come out of sadness and struggle even stronger, and even happier.
Wow JacqiB, I can say with sincere honesty, that I feel very sorry for you. To say that your views on parenthood are skewed is grossly understated. It’s true, everything I do is for my children, because they are beautiful little humans who deserve to be loved and raised to be productive humans in society. There are things I would go back and change, and I assure you, having children IS NOT one of them. Sending prayers that you can let go of some of that ignorance.. I hope you don’t have children, for their sake….
WRONG WRONG WRONG. Children only amplify a bad relationship. I truly hope you don’t have children as I feel sorry for them.
As for you Maria, the anti-narcissist is spot on. My wife and I love each very much, she is my first priority and my 2 children come next, followed by me. Children have taken our relationship to a new level, I can’t imagine not having them, my wife and I constantly talk about how much life would suck without them and how much joy they bring us. You complain about your children in your bed, we welcome them into our bed, with limits of course. We love their warm body’s in a lazy morning cuddling and talking. I could go on but your issues are much deeper and I hope you figure them out before you marriage ends unless its already too late.
As for being in shape etc, there is a fine line between putting your family on hold to be in shape or just keeping yourself healthy, IE Paul’s response. Being overweight and obese is different than being out of shape and a few pounds overweight where you can still function and play with your kids. Do I miss my wifes pre children body, hell yeah, but she gave me 2 beautiful, heathly children that I can never thank her enough for, so I am happy to accept her being a few lbs overweight and her little paunch, reminds me of what she gave up for them/us. Me, I could stand to lose a few lbs too but I am healthy and can still bike/chase my kids, who are 6 1/4 and 4 years old. Sex still rocks, we both love each other and both love having sex, its not a CHORE to her where I have to beg, plead, threaten for it, she actually want’s to have sex, :O)
Everything is a balance and sacrifice, which sadly, most seem to forget or are unwilling to change. Sure, I miss my old party days, but that’s natural, would I want to go back there, no way in hell. And yes, I am a real, happily married man, lol.
No doubt you are very nice looking BUT, most people have much more pressing priorities. I can’t imagine a doting mother (even a stay at home mom) having enough time in the day to look hot. Something is being sacrificed in the name of beauty. And, this isn’t just you, its epidemic in this country. Fame, Narcissism and Greed…Look at me, look at me, look at me. After viewing your photos, I come away with this …. Try to stop flirting with the body builders, vainly running around half naked promoting your body instead of your mind and personality and you might be able to keep your husband, if you really do care, but then again, actors, models, body builders and the like rarely have enough self awareness to realize the damage they cause in their narcissistic pursuits. Of course, if all you were trying to accomplish was get more attention and infamy, then you have achieved your goal. If you really do care for your husband, look inward.
I agree that narcissism is a troubling problem in our society today. However, there isn’t anything wrong with wanting to be beautiful. After all, what is beauty? I think the answer to that question determines if one is narcissistic or simply seeking to be the best one can be.
True beauty is being healthy and happy inside and out, loving and serving other people, and striving always to do one’s best. It is possible to “appear” to be beautiful while nursing debilitating habits, although time is that person’s enemy and will soon uncover the effects of unhealthy choices. On the other hand, people who are constantly making good choices and being good people will become more beautiful with time.
My own mother is truly beautiful to me, and to my dad, to whom she has been married for nearly a quarter of a century! She is not taking pictures of herself half naked and posting them online, and she doesn’t need to. She wears nice, well-cared-for clothing, and is clean and neat in her appearance. She keeps her home clean and tidy. She is kind to all that she interacts with. She makes healthy, well-balanced meals for herself and my dad. She runs every morning with her pet dog. She works as a receptionist in a place that serves wealthy clientele who are getting Botox injections and she calls me and says, “it makes me feel maybe frumpy, when I have wrinkles around my eyes and mouth, and I am not toned and slim and tan.” And I tell her, “Mom, you are more beautiful than all of those women, because your time is spent with the people you love, instead of regular trips to the spa. You are aging gracefully, and your wrinkles and your freckles are testaments to a life well-lived, full of laughter, service, and a history of trips to the park with your children.”
I agree that we all walk a fine line between beauty and narcissism. We all want to be loved, liked, appreciated. Advertisers try to convince us that the latest products will make us desirable. The truth is, we are desirable to those we serve. Maria is a mother and wife, and to her family, she is beautiful. She shares her pictures with the rest of us to inspire us. It’s for the narcissistic women in the world who worry that they’ll have to trade their beauty in if they marry and have children. She is showing the world that is not the case.
I’m not the kind of beautiful Maria is, and will never be, because that’s not my calling in life. I never was the beauty that could be found on a magazine cover, and my mother never was, either. But there are many kinds of beautiful. My husband sees beauty in me and he tells me every day. I want to be the kind of beautiful that my mother is, eyes shining with love, hands callused from hard work. She is over 50 and people are still surprised when she tells them her youngest child just started his second year of college. By the time she is a grandmother (hopefully in the next few years I’ll make that happen!) she will just barely start looking old enough for people to believe it. And that is natural and good. I want to walk in her footsteps, to be able to live each stage of my life gracefully and fully.
Here’s to a healthy live, full of love, service, and happiness.
Words of Wisdom from Anti- narcissist. Bravo, could not say it better. Did not know she lost or is losing her husband. If she is well I can see why.
If you have others in your life who depend on you (especially children), staying fit and healthy should be near the top of your priority list. Obesity is an epidemic in this country. Fast food restaurants are a lot more crowded than fitness centers. My motivation to stay fit and healthy was seeing my father cut from his ankle to his neck (over 30 years ago) for quadruple bypass surgery. I started studying health, fitness, and nutrition to try and avoid preventable health problems. So far, so good. My BP is 112/60, my weight is the same as when I was 20 years old, and my cholesterol numbers are good. There are enough hours in the day to take care of yourself and take care of your loved ones too!
I found your Facebook page because my friend commented on one of your posts. Thank you for taking the time to write about your thoughts and struggles. As a newlywed (6 month mark this Sunday!) I wonder what my life will look like a few years down the road. I struggle with trying to become the wife I want to be and a good homemaker so that when children come into the picture I can be healthy, happy, and capable to meet the demands of living. The reason you look beautiful is because you are striving to be actively engaged in life, and that beauty will stay with you as long as you keep moving upward and onward. Exercise has a side effect of making us thinner than when we’re sedentary, but its true benefit is the way it makes us feel. It energizes us and makes us stronger and more prepared to handle the challenges of life. Thank you for sharing with the world. I am trying to find my niche, too, and am inspired by you. I’m trying to become a blogger, too! But I have a long way to go 🙂
You go girl! Haters need to look within just as you are doing. It’s not about looking exactly like you, as you mentioned. It’s about health and fitness, and moderation as you also mentioned. Stay beautiful and I wish you the best with your family. <3
So many harsh comments that leaves me to just wonder why people waste time to be nasty with each other. If you cannot give constructive feedback then why bother?
This post had a profound impact on me. This morning as I was reading it, I found myself agreeing with so much. My husband and I have 5 kids and while we are close and make a real effort for our commitment (we love eachother so much!), it is very different from when we were first married (and without kids). I too miss those first days with my husband.
Wow. You’ve been through a lot. Stay strong and good luck in all you do. Ignore the negative comments and be good to yourself. It is very hard to speak so frankly to the world, and I am amazed at the strength you have in being able to do so. Sending love peace and happiness…
He’s obviously cheating on you..
I just jumped on to take a peek and you’re the first comment I see….I have one word for you….
go back to under your rock until you have something nice to say. Otherwise suck it back inside.
LOL……obviously right. I I just don’t know about it.
…and you’re obviously a reactionary turd. Go troll elsewhere if you don’t have anything positive to add to the conversation.
Well i’m french so sorry for my english! it’s very healthy to have doubt, you want to change for the better and it’s a good point, if any women do the same a lot of marriages will be saved from divorce, you love your husband, your family, you are beautiful and smart, you are a true inspiration for lots of women, i’m a new mom since January, i’m struggling loosing my baby-weight, your blog is a true inspiration and a motivator would love to have women like you here in France!!! best regards from Paris, france.
Wow, your story on how you and your husband met is almost like mine! My other half and I also met on Myspace super randomly! It was when Facebook just got really popular and no one was using Myspace anymore so I wasn’t even thinking/looking to find anyone on there. I was using it for networking purposes for my school and happen to stumble on his. It was during fall 4 years ago when we met so it holds a place in my heart as well. We’re about to have our first baby in just 3 weeks away! Can’t wait for our next journey in life together as parents!
I am constantly amazed at the nasty snarky comments people make. Why are they bothering to read such a positive blog/website if these are their responses? I think I know why? Because they are so miserable in their own lives they seek out those who are happy, creating and achieving goals, being brave enough to put their lives on display so that others might be inspired, and these miserable beings heap their vitriol onto the page in hopes that when they hit submit they will feel better. It doesn’t work does it?
Thank you Maria for your bravery, your honesty and your thick skin.
That’s about the size of it. The world of people may be profitably divided along a dimension of “locus of control…” (e.g., “…of my self, my life, my circumstances, my capabilities, my options, my future, my responsibilities, my happiness, my fulfillment, my good things, my bad things, my (fill in the blank)). If your person is about a high internal locus of control (control of my life resides within me), you are Maria. If your person is about external locus of control, your best successes come through excuses and professional victim-hood and learned, opportunistic helpless-ness, for your life process and outcomes arrive through others (i.e., her critics). Far better to decide to be of the former; for you can, indeed, decide. Peace.
I am in awe of the way you cherish your priorities! Good job girl
I don’t know you but reading your blogs makes me feel like I do, simply put you are an amazing woman and NEVER FORGET IT!! Stay strong and God bless you all the way…
a very fortunate man your husband is!
Sorry to hear that he had a brain injury; I am working with a guy that had three strokes 8 years ago and his wife and father-in-law just want him to die so they can move on. He speaks 9 languages although right now he is still hard to understand but we have him starting on a program that will help restore his brain function and he should be back to better than normal in a year. People that have been paralyzed for years from spinal cord injury are now walking again after using this protocol. There is hope. Hope to talk to you soon.
I have to admit I stumbled upon your blog because of the negative press but now after reading some of your entries I realized that those people are so judgemental and have it all wrong (media sux). You are so inspiring and keep up the great work and eff the haters! You go girl ! 🙂
That is how I happened on this blog too! It is so inspiring and real.
I have to say, you don’t represent the majority of mothers who are SINGLE mothers (cause being divorced, widowed, or other) . Or have a job that has you working odd hours because the job you need is not available. I am NOT saying there is an excuse, but YOU should really help out with a resolution for this 80% population of women who are NOT comfortable with being their weight and fighting depression because of today’s economy. And these mother’s are NOT on assistance, and I will EDUCATE you and tell you why, most women are working jobs that does not pay well but pay just enough to keep them off assistance, which means they have to pay full price for daycare and additional priorities for children, on top of that, healthy food is really expensive and with children you can make healthy choices from day one, but after a while it is hard to keep up with this task also. Most parents can’t pay for activities because the prices are rising on that end also. I AM A PERSONAL TRAINER, and yet I see time and time again women really trying to make things happen. And are NOT as fortunate as you are to be MARRIED to a man who is not struggling too hard with children. Maria Kang…..I don’t want YOU to find an excuse to get off of this topic, majority of America need you to find a SOLUTION for “real mothers” issues. Thank you.
tHANK YOU SO MUCH … that is all I was trying to say to Maria and “friends” and seem to of gotten attacked.
You are an inspiration Miesha. that’s all I was saying…… take care…. I will go to the nutrisystem webpage and look up Richard Simmons because I know not welcomed here. kudos to your message. and best to your clients and you as a POSITIVE PHYSICAL TRAINER.
Just some words of encouragement. I am a veteran of the war in Afghanistan and understand the dificulties of being a soldier and husband. However, I don’t yet have kids. The fact you both keep making the effort is what counts. Every vet stands with you both.
You seem to be a very selfish person. The only thing you ever say about yourself is how “beautiful” you are. What you don’t realize is beauty is deeper inside than your physical appearance. I honestly don’t think you care about your husband or your kids. You seem like the type of person where the world has to revolve around you. I believe you care more about your physical appearance and your attention seeking blogging than your own family. Your gallery just has you pouncing around glamorizing yourself. You don’t seem fit to be a mom. You seem like you have no time for your children. “What’s your excuse?” Well for most mothers it is spending quality time with their children and having a busy day working in a job. Stop trying to glamorize yourself and go spend time with your family. Maybe your husband will want you then.
Do you think being judgmental and mean is better than being “selfish”?
What a mean thing to say…you realize that what angers us most, are the things which strike a nerve within us, because of our own faults, guilt and shortcomings. You seem to take great issue with Maria being beautiful, but more so with her being confident about it. So what is the pain in your past that you are offended by women that love themselves and are proud of their appearance? You realize your comments scream of your own insecurity with your appearance…Anyway, spending quality time with children does not mean you cannot find 30 minutes a day to exercise. How about exercising with your kids andsetting a good example!. I have 3 boys.. 6 mons, 3 y and 6y…I gained 60 lbs with each pregnancy! And worked after each baby to take it off. I worked full time (I’m an RN) around my husband’s schedule, so whenever I was home with the kids, he wasn’t, and I still made time to work out..while they napped, in the AM before they woke up, used the jogging stroller, gyms with childcare, DVDs at home…I have even set up obstacle courses in our house for the boys and myself, they love it! We run jump climb do pushup & jumping jacks… I am also careful about my diet. I’m currently losing the baby weight from my 3rd. Its not easy, but I when the baby goes down for his nap, I choose to use the treadmill instead of “relaxing” on the couch. Moms find time to do so many other things for themselves, like shower, check facebook, talk on the phone…you just need to make exercise just as important. And my goodness, if you keep yourself healthy now, your kids will be grateful that their mother is not sick or dead later in life due to an unhealthy lifestyle.
Oh my!!!!! What an awful reply to a woman who is speaking from her heart! Maria, I appreciated your honesty and your heart! It is really great to know that I am not the only woman who has these feelings and with women, there can be such support, empowerment, and grace — we must lift each other up and not put each other down. Keep it up girl, you have a full supporter in me!
What a miserable troll you must be. Why are you even perusing her blogs if this is your opinion of her? Nothing she says has ever reflected the “you must look like me, act like me, be me.” All it says is to be a healthier and happier you — something in which you are so obviously lacking along with simple respect.