March 1 , 2007
I’ve made certain commitments to myself and to my personal life statement that has guided the decisions I have and will continue to make in these next weeks. As in any decision making process, there are certain things I have promised to never compromise:
1) I will never sacrifice my health for any amount of money, for my most valuable asset is my strong temple.
2) I will never survive in an environment that doesn’t nurture and support my natural, human growth, for I will begin to spiritually die.
3) I will never sanctify any object outside my control, for it will eventually begin to ‘control’ me.
4) I will never surrender my morals, ethics and values for any person, place or thing.
5) I will never EVER wake up any morning and feel what I felt this past week: which is a lack of ‘passion’ to utilize my God given ‘free will’ to choose my day and my destiny.
Based upon these principles, I’ve made certain decisions that have been risky, sacrificial, costly but always rewarding in the end. I base these choices on instinct, vision and my belief that ‘my energies’ will deflect where I’m not supposed to go and effect where I’m supposed to be. We are all beings of energy – and we will only orbit around the same people within the same spiritual sphere as we do.
I’ve been silent these last few weeks because like my mommy always advised: “if you have nothing nice to say, don’t say anything at all” – I’m very serious.
I feel literally ‘attacked’ by sources in personal and professional environments, one person of whom I’ve had little interaction with. As in my personal history, I’ve familiarized myself with being disliked for no specific reasons. I’ve recognized distasteful words that were triggered by feelings, thoughts and ideas from single perspectives and poor communications.
And instead of responding as any human would like to impulsively respond: with anger, aggression and proceed with fervent altercation…instead, I stood silent and will continue to be silent until I channel this negative energy into a positive action. I admit, while those don’t see me cry…I do. While those don’t see me hurt… I do. And while I choose to not respond and act accordingly to how they expect…I really do want to react with anger… but I don’t.
I cry, I pray, I reflect, and I write…
In highschool, after years of people trying to distract me to like myself, honor who I was and be who I wanted to be…I gave up on meaningless lunches and spent lunch hours in the library reading psychology books I couldn’t check out.
In work environments, after years of people trying to boggle me with office politics and perceptions of power…I gave up on dissecting thought processes and migrated to areas of growth and vital people.
In days like today, after years of repeating similar life cycles…I’ve given up on trying to ‘conform’ and realize that no matter how hard I try, not many will understand why:
– I don’t react to negative energy with negative energy.
– I am not persuaded by money, objects, title or power.
– I don’t care if the wrong people don’t like me.
– I am a simple person, who needs very little to feel fulfilled.
– I am honest and will always have the best of intentions in every interaction.
– I will never waste my life living robotically under the control of people and things that are dead in spirit.
– I will never ever measure my life, my family, my morals, my friends or my health for anyone or anything.
– My greatest happiness is laying in my parents bed and conversing with all my siblings.
– My best entertainment is watching my niece and nephew play at the park.
– My favorite moments is when I’m stretching after physically training.
– My most valued objects are old and mean nothing to anyone but myself.
I don’t want anything more…I just want to know more of everything I already have…
We have everything we want: we have water, shelter, food. We have legs, arms and a beating heart…we have a choice, we have a ‘free will’ and we have a decision each passing day to be aware of the beauty that possesses each perfect moment when we see what we have versus what we don’t.
Know who you are…know what you stand for…know your happiness and the truth that lives in living in the ‘now’…
I know who I am…
and I will never conform with opposing energy.
Have a blessed week everyone.
At San Mateo’s Max Muscle’s 1 year anniversary with Dave and my guns!
It’s a Max Muscle Sandwich!
Mr. Olympia 2006, Jay Cutler!
This dog was HUGE!!!!!!