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A life lived in limbo…

October 2, 2016

Oct 2, 2016 Months ago I separated from my husband. Every day since, my moods have been volatile, colorful and constantly changing. I’m either up or down, angry or ok, upset or calm, tearful or solemn. Like my life this past year, I feel like I’m just trying to stay above water, trying to hold things together while breaking slowly apart. In these last several months, I began to wail – a deep, weeping cry that travels deep into one’s…

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What is Love?

August 21, 2016

August 22, 2016 I write while standing at a life crossroad. I never knew I’d be standing here, re-planning my world and wondering which road would be the wisest to take. I’ve thought about every event that led up to this moment in time – from my own appraisal and past selfishness, to resentments, frustrations, withdrawals and betrayals. I’ve cried nearly each day for a month and have gone through each stage of grief: shock, denial, anger, bargaining, depression, testing…

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The Show

December 5, 2015

December 4, 2015 My life is in a stand still. On my 35th birthday I took a lone walk in the snowy woods. I was in my annual routine – just me, nature and God. I didn’t receive presents, I had an inedible cake and was surrounded by strangers. I was filming a project to be released next year. At night the stars lit up the sky and like the child I was at 5, I looked up and asked…

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The nature of love

July 27, 2014

I fell in love with my husband while standing over an ant hill. On a random fall afternoon, we decided to take a walk through a nature preserve in a small town in Mississippi. It was quiet, peaceful and serene – a far cry from the perennial loudness we experience with our little ones today. It must’ve been just a month into our relationship and I was still infatuated by this charming poet, a divorced father who still believed fervently…

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Today I cried.

October 9, 2013

October 8, 2013 Today I cried. I cried because I missed my husband. I missed the young couple we once were. I missed the moment we first met, I missed the long drives we once took, I missed sharing a bed with him – just he and I – without a child in-between. I see him often in-between tasks, during dinner and before bedtime. We plan date nights once a month and interact via text throughout the day. Despite these…

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Your Notebook

July 25, 2013

July 25, 2013 After a long day of work and late night of baking, at midnight I was captivated by “The Notebook” – a movie I’ve seen just once years ago. I see why people strongly resonate with the seemingly star-crossed lovers, who moved on to live physically separate but spiritually connected lives. Not only would they overcome seven years of separation and differing social backgrounds, but they chose to seek a passionate love despite their divergent personalities. Like many,…

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Marriage requires Faith

December 3, 2012

December 3, 2012 When my husband asked if he could volunteer with the nonprofit group, Team Rubicon, in Hurricane Sandy’s relief effort I was initially apprehensive. Firstly, handling a business and three tiny children on my own is already a tumultuous task. Secondly, I had a scheduled photo shoot with Sacramento Parent magazine and live television interview with Good Day Sacramento on the days he wanted to be gone. I didn’t want him to go – but I knew that…

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Chasing the Fairytale

August 14, 2012

August 13, 2012 No marriage is perfect. I haven’t witnessed one marriage that truly epitomizes the ideal marriage found in the fairytales I read when I was a little girl. As pretty and perfect many of the photos people post on Facebook appear to be, I know there is an underbelly behind those seamless smiles…a reality seeped with bitter altercations, indifferent opinions and uncompromising lifestyles. No two people are exactly the same, which makes sharing a life quite difficult for…

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My hero.

May 7, 2012

May 7, 2012 I knew I would marry a hero. I’ve always been drawn to inspirational men. Men who have a story. Men who have a passion… Men who want to make a difference. It’s Monday afternoon and my sweaty husband just came home from painting one of my parent’s care homes. Not because he was told – but because he volunteered. He does that often. He volunteers to take pictures for a family event, to barbeque at someone’s party…

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Men are from Mars…

May 2, 2012

May 1, 2012 On Saturday we attended a lecture of one of my favorite relationship authors, John Gray. He wrote the series of books, “Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus.” When I first read that book, I was sixteen years old and experiencing a break up with a person I dated for only two months.  Reading about the differences between men and women were a revelation to me.  At the time, I thought I was undergoing the rubber…

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