August 17, 2010 I had a bad dream last night. My teeth were becoming loose and began falling out one by one. It was a gross reminder of the feelings I had when I was losing my baby teeth as a child. I felt deep emotions of pain, sadness, but most of all loss. As much as I clenched my teeth, there was no escaping the inevitable ending to my dream a dream that has reoccurred every 2-3 months of…
my SUPER team
August 10, 2010August 9, 2010 Last week I hosted my nonprofit’s fitness summer camp for three days. The kids choreographed and filmed a workout DVD, created fitness calendars and enjoyed special guests who spoke about fitness and nutrition. While I was nervous about executing my first camp, I knew that this experience would be a memorable moment for all the kids involved. It has been an incredibly rewarding year working with students who have built friendships, transformed their bodies and redefined what…
Pushing forward
July 30, 2010July 29, 2010 I saw my childhood best friend this past weekend. In Elementary school, Claire and I slept at each other’s houses, exchanged best friend necklaces and shared life milestones together. When Junior High arrived we went to a year-around’ school that had four different tracks. Since I was on A track and she was on C track, we hardly saw each other. When high school turned the corner, we had become nearly strangers to each other. So when…
Dare to Dream
July 9, 2010July 8, 2010 I know how it feels to want to cry from exhaustion now. There I was: lying in bed with one son on my right, the other squirming on my left and praying that neither would make any noise as to wake the other. After spending the last half hour holding back wearisome tears from a day of spending the entire day with the boys by myself, I can finally spend just a bit of time for me…
The fear of regret
June 23, 2010June 22, 2010 I auditioned for Oprah’s new network this past weekend in L.A. I thought going down south would be a great opportunity to get out of Sacramento, go to the beach and experience something that made me nervous, anxious and embarrassed. On Saturday morning, one of my best guy friends, Dave Slagle, picked me up from my hotel at 5:00am to drive to Orange County and stand in a long line full of Talk Show hopefuls. It was…
an emotional truth.
June 9, 2010June 8, 2010 I don’t feel fulfilled. I feel guilty even uttering those words. I have two adorable boys, a successful business, a running nonprofit and a loving family and yet I go to sleep each night feeling exhausted, sometimes bored, but most of all.unfulfilled. In the last two years, I feel like a tornado has swept through my life and left me with successful projects, beautiful children, and a life I can’t recognize anymore. I used to spontaneously travel…
Grounding myself.
May 17, 2010May 17, 2010 I haven’t been updating lately for the obvious reasons I have two kids, three jobs and lots of deadlines. Besides the obvious, I’m not updating for other reasons I’m tired of complaining. I’m tired of going through my list of things I need to do have to do…and want to do. I don’t want to write about thinking positively, taking action or understanding life’s cycles. I don’t want to be inspirational or motivational. I just want to…
Having it all.
May 6, 2010May 5, 2010 I miss being in the hospital. It’s true. Even when I gave birth the first go-around, I always became nostalgic of the first feelings of giving birth and being in a world where your entire concentration is based around your new baby and your recovery. Because when you leave it’s back to reality. And my reality is demanding. There are days when I’m literally carrying two crying boys in my arms while unsuccessfully trying to sing a…
The Love Jar
April 13, 2010April 13, 2010 It’s Tuesday. After a weekend of storms, the sun is brightening up the morning sky while I’m sitting in my home office staring out the window as I type my first few thoughts on this new day. My expected due date was yesterday. David and I are both in disbelief that a little one is supposed to arrive any time now. After all, these past 40 weeks have been filled with traveling, celebrations, work and more work!…
Forgiving myself.
March 18, 2010March 18, 2010 I feel like I can’t stop crying these days. I am literally tired, stressed, burned out and unhappy. Physically, my body is so exhausted from carrying the baby, being 9 months pregnant and running around everywhere. Emotionally, I feel alone, unloved and disconnected. Mentally, I’m tired of my cell phone, calculator, notebook and computer. I smile and put on a great face for everyone every day but every night I close my eyes and can’t sleep through…