I’ve been taking a break from life since my breakthrough a week ago. When I get nervous texts and messages inquiring where I am, I hilariously respond, “I’m on my couch bingeing ‘Suits’ on Netflix.” My life has the same workload, I just boundary up, compartmentalize and resist the urge to multi-task, over-schedule and bleed every drop out of each day. I just want to be present. I don’t often keep my phone close, so it was shocking on Sunday…
March 16, 2024 “You need to fight, Maria,” said my girlfriend tearfully as she took tea bags and snacks out of her purse. I told her I was ok, but she insisted on visiting me. It was Friday and I was in bed at 3pm. My stomach was in knots and there were fears of obstruction. I had found out days prior my brother passed away and similarly to my mother’s death just a little over two years prior –…
My mother passed away on October 15 2021. The day started unusually usual. My husband surprisingly agreed to run three miles with me at 6am. I twisted my ankle on an acorn. I worked. I attended a meeting at a carehome. I picked up my niece from school for the first time and we had vegan ice cream and walked the shops. I dropped into Ulta, where my stepdaughter was getting her haircut. At around 4pm I received a call…
October 4, 2021 Be f*cking honest with yourself. As I write this I am performing home dialysis for my mother – a task no layman should ever do, but WILL do if required of them. I have watched and lovingly supported her through strokes, heart attacks, kidney failure, diabetes…and every single time she was additionally hit with pain, depression, anxiety… “They” always had a pill to save her. And it never did. It masked symptom after symptom. Despite emotional stress,…
August 13, 2021 I no longer fight this aspect about myself nor wish things were different. When energy leaves, we seek to fill it – whether it be good or bad energy, we fill space when absent of it. Awareness is the first step in recognizing what needs to shift in order to redirect a more purposeful life.…
Not many people know this, but I’ve become a caregiver to my mother recently. Her kidney transplant failed ten years later and my sisters and I are were tasked to perform her home dialysis machine five hours a day, 5 days a week. I was incredibly fearful in the beginning. It was a technical learning experience. A deep fear and realization that I was responsible for her life and a daily commitment I was unsure I could handle. …
“Why do I always feel like I’m in a dream?” Perplexed, my doctor didn’t know how to answer my son and instead questioned, “Well, how do you feel?” He replied, “I feel like nothing is real.” In an effort to save the doctor I interjected saying, “Honey, if you ever feel like you’re in a dream, just pinch yourself. Do that now (as he pinches his wrist). Do you feel that?” He nods. “Well that’s how you will know.” I’m…
This post is sponsored by iD Tech. Do you ever feel like a ‘bad mother’ for letting your kid play video games? When I walk downstairs in the morning, my eldest is already in my office playing Roblox. When I enter the family room, my youngest is already watching his 20th slime video on YouTube. When I go the kitchen, my middle guy is eating breakfast while listening to music on his new iPod touch. As much as I’ve limited…
October 28, 2018 Many people think being a fit mom means you aren’t a good mother, that you don’t spend time with your kids and that your body is your number one priority. I get that assumption – after all, it’s not easy being a fit mom without seemingly sacrificing parts of your life to be healthy. I’ve been rereading old diaries lately and came upon an entry reflecting on one of my deepest fears. At the time I was…
A couple weeks ago I witnessed my stepdaughter graduate high school. It was a celebratory moment, a time when I saw her genuinely happy and excited about the future. It was hard to believe that ten years earlier, I met a strong-willed, 8-year-old little girl who loved to dance, workout and be incredibly helpful. I love her focus, ambition and independence. While visiting, I also celebrated my other stepdaughter’s 16th birthday. Weeks leading up I was in shock that our…