Last Friday I woke up at 4am to a gnawing pain in my lower abdomen. I’ve underwent a lot of tummy pain recently and just had a colonoscopy for low iron and internal bleeding. A week prior I complained of pain to my sister – who is also a nurse – and she frustratingly asked, “What would it take for you to finally go to the ER?” I stubbornly responded, “if I could no longer breathe.” As I laid in…
I remember sitting across from my mother and her friend at lunch exactly seven years ago in a state of bliss. Despite what had erupted the past year in my marriage, I had a…
February 15, 2023 In the last several years practicing meditation, I learned how to still my mind. In that silence, I started to observe patterns in me and around me. I noticed repetitive words.…
In all my years posting online, you’ve never seen me post about a birthday celebration Most of my life I’ve always been pensive, melancholy and seeking solitude on my birthday. The question “Why am…
Late May, after a deep and emotional conversation – I noticed the skin around my lips become uncomfortably dry. As I prepped for my stepdaughter’s birthday, I would press a napkin against my lips…
He asked me how I felt. I don’t feel anything. I don’t feel happy nor sad. I’m pensive, but also not thinking of anything at all. I just exist throughout my day without attention,…
Late last year I did something very “Maria”…. I picked up the phone and called David’s ex wife. After nearly 15yrs watching them battle it out (and being told to stay out of it)…
Months ago I sat in my office midday, feeling despair, disconnection and division after (another) explosive argument with my husband. In my grief, I took out a piece of paper and wrote two letters.…
If you were to read my earliest blogs, it’s astounding how so little has changed. When I began this website, I was 25, single and living in San Francisco. In 2005 the world had…
March 16, 2022 I’ve been seeking small pauses in my life. They aren’t big, normally they last for one second – but it’s the moment when you realize you are in transition, aware or…