What Cancer taught me.

    September 26, 2024

    Weeks following my last doctor’s appointment, I underwent deep, emotional, debilitating pain that traveled throughout my head, heart and body. As much as I tried to combat the emotions filtering through me, I could no longer control the weather of my internal world. It felt like thunderstorms rained down on my hopes, earthquakes were splitting my confidence, tornadoes were chaotically lifting my stability and fire was burning down whatever was left of my ego. I began drowning in my disease.…

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  • Operation Save Maria’s Life.

    Let me set the stage for you… It is 2022. I start emailing my doctor about re-occurring health issues. In June I notice extreme dryness around my lips, followed by full blown eczema on…

    August 24, 2024

  • I finally lost my sh*t

    My unblemished, toned and picture-perfect midsection, is now scarred with a stoma protruding outside my skin and a large, dark seemingly permanent circle where the adhesive to my colostomy bag sticks. Daily, the skin…

    August 16, 2024

  • My son was attacked.

    I’ve been taking a break from life since my breakthrough a week ago. When I get nervous texts and messages inquiring where I am, I hilariously respond, “I’m on my couch bingeing ‘Suits’ on…

    July 17, 2024

  • I Have Arrived.

    “I don’t want to hate this person.” I cried to Brian on a random Tuesday. The day was like any day. I woke early to drop my son to a volunteer program, worked out,…

    July 15, 2024

  • Permission to Exist.

    There were moments in my life when I’ve had very hard conversations with people. It’s the kind when you say something you know to be your truth knowing it won’t be received…

    July 8, 2024

  • Why do I want to Live?

    June 10, 2024 A part of my healing process is asking myself daily, “Why do I want to live?” It wasn’t enough to recite normal answers…my kids, my family, blah, blah blah. Yes. I…

    June 10, 2024

  • Where is God?

    I am not the same person who was diagnosed eight months ago. When being told you have Stage IV cancer, it’s not something you process in one day. You notice everything. You…

    June 6, 2024

  • And so it is.

    Our divorce was finalized a year ago on May 1, 2023. Exactly one year prior, David “coincidentally” wrote me a letter on 5/1/22 that forever changed our lives. We had been struggling with connection…

    May 1, 2024

  • I love you, Dominic.

    March 16, 2024 “You need to fight, Maria,” said my girlfriend tearfully as she took tea bags and snacks out of her purse. I told her I was ok, but she insisted on visiting…

    March 16, 2024

  • Finding my Joy.

    A couple weeks after the cancer diagnosis, I was on a plane to Costa Rica for an Ayahuasca journey I scheduled months beforehand. Originally, I booked this trip to support a friend and felt…

    February 8, 2024

  • I have Cancer.

    Last Friday I woke up at 4am to a gnawing pain in my lower abdomen. I’ve underwent a lot of tummy pain recently and just had a colonoscopy for low iron and internal bleeding.…

    November 15, 2023

  • A New Chapter.

    I remember sitting across from my mother and her friend at lunch exactly seven years ago in a state of bliss. Despite what had erupted the past year in my marriage, I had a…

    May 11, 2023