November 13, 2005 For a few years now I have been having issues with food it began with a disgusting fat day that I indulged in each week when I dieted for a competition or a personal contest then it started becoming an obsession. I used food to control a lot of my emotional surges. I feel that we all try to control life in some way: for me, and for most people in this world: the hardest thing to control…
November 8, 2005 Ever since I was a little girl I used to cry at night wondering why I lived wondering why I was even born. I became conscious about my existence at a very young age, and ever since then, Ive been searching for an answer each day still wondering why I exist. Tonight as I was drawing on a piece of paper while talking to Louis on the phone, I began sketching flowers, rainbows, Christmas presents, planets I…
October 31, 2005 Happy Halloween! Ive been exuding so much creativity this past week. I cooked delicious meals, potted plants, crafted costumes and created new work projects. I exuded A LOT of mental energy to write this – and I’ve gotten a lot of questions on how my thoughts and writings ‘come alive’. So I NAVIGATED this entry into sections to help you absorb my mental path. -MY BODY BECAME SICK- Early Saturday morning I became very sick and couldn’t…
October 24, 2005 Today while driving to the gym, the road was partially closed because there were thousands of runners participating in the Nike Women’s Marathon and Half Marathon benefiting the Leukemia and Lymphoma Foundation. I couldn’t help staring at awe at these women who sacrificed a Sunday morning to put their bodies under 26.2 miles of stress in dedication to those who died and suffer from cancer. Last year I participated in that same run only I ran 12.1…
October 17, 2005 It is 11:30am, Monday, and I’m sitting in Louis office eating egg whites and tuna. Ive been staring at the screen for about thirty minutes (as I usually do) trying to figure out what happened this week because a lot happened- I can feel that something happened because my body feels sore, my mind feels tired, my dreams feels too vivid and my life feels changed? This weekend I attended the Olympia in Vegas. Wow! These people…
October 9, 2005 Right now it’s 11:10pm, I just took a swig of diet snapple, and I just stared at the Goals I wrote on June 20th, posted right above my computer. It was Fleet Week this past weekend and I got a glimpse of the Air Show with my good friend, Matthew Sundstrom, from the Cliffhouse in Outer Sunset. It’s amazing how so many thoughts run through my brain in a single minute: Today I recall watching the fighter jet planes disappear behind the Golden…
October 3, 2005 I visited my family this weekend…and for any of you who has ever left home understands: it is always a battle whenever you go back to a place you thought you left behind. When I say the phrase: “thought you left behind…” I mean that while I physically left Sacramento when I decided to move away two years ago…in truth, my family and my hometown of Sacramento still lives with me every day in my heart and in my mind.…
September 26, 2005 This weekend was BUSY! Louis came again and we worked out every day, he took my Abs class, we went to a friend’s dinner, attended two BBQ’s, watched the Love Parade and had a picnic at the Zen Fest Concert. While I was driving down Lake Merced Road I passed a community center that I fondly remember visiting a few times earlier this year…I was involved in a mentor training program there. Earlier this year I was going through a tough…
September 4, 2005 I finally visited an exhibit here in San Francisco called, “The Universe Within.” This exhibit exposes the human organism in a captivating yet disturbing manner: I saw preserved, human bodies intact, without skin. I saw each muscle, each bone, each organ…I saw how the nervous, cardiovascular, and digestive system operated. I saw bodies split into saggital, frontal and horizontal planes. Bodies were positioned riding a bike, shopping in heels, throwing a baseball…the most disturbing display was a standing human body holding a…
August 28, 2005 Lately I’ve been addicted to spinning classes. In my most recent spinning class, that I take every Saturday morning at 9am, the instructor Tom, put us through a grueling sprint…which meant we had to ride as fast as we could manage. And so I began moving my legs with exponential speed, challenging myself to see how much my heart, my muscles and my mind can withstand in this period of chaotic control. In this moment of personal contest, I recognized, that like anything in…