Late last year I did something very “Maria”…. I picked up the phone and called David’s ex wife. After nearly 15yrs watching them battle it out (and being told to stay out of it) – I knew it was time to get into the ring. I knew everyone was tired and traumatized by this connection. I knew we all wanted to grow, but was caged in the past. Most of all, I knew LOVE was needed to guide and heal us through this – and I had an endless supply inside my soul.
When I invited her recently to come celebrate Piper’s birthday, I was hopeful she’d come but wasn’t expecting her to fly to CA, help prep, dance all night and laughingly share funny stories in celebration of the daughter her and David brought into this world 21 years ago.
I am proud of the discomfort we all stepped into with a joint goal to be our best selves for not just our children, but our personal evolution. We are either trapped by the stories of our predictable past or free to seek possibilities of an exciting future.
What I know for certain…as long as love exists, as long as it is not lost or limited…the energy of a family unit will not change regardless of what changes. We must love the people, the people we love, loves.
Read that again.
When I say, I did something very “Maria” – I mean, that it’s commonplace to see me in seemingly uncomfortable situations and conversations. For the outside observer, when two differing energies connect it looks like a confrontation, but I have always seen genuine engagement (regardless of how much it hurts) as honest and necessary communication. I believe the more two people interact, the more experiences they undergo and the more energy is exchanged – therefore, rewriting old stories and imprinting new ones with new positive information to process.
I did the same with David recently. Earlier this summer, we struggled to hold on. I felt spiritually lost and emotionally drained. I had lost faith. But – despite my lack of belief, I believed there was an unseen world still, after witnessing my mother come back to life last year. If I believed miracles existed, I knew I had to also give David’s newfound, miraculous changes within our marriage a chance.
So I started to engage. We communicated often and was radically honest. We exchanged how we felt. We talked about everything…from what we needed, how hurt we felt and where we wished to go from here. In our years together, we were able to maturely discuss the people we’ve been attracted to, the souls we felt connected to and respectfully honor and not shame the very human aspect of imperfectly journeying through our marriage.
We strived for full intimacy… an effort to see, accept, love, hold, embrace and embody someone completely without judgment.
When I met my husband years ago he had already lived a lifetime before me – having already had a wife and three kids. I also had past long-term boyfriends (I rarely casually dated) and felt forever bonded to my deepest loves. Knowing that many energies have and will cross our lives, we honored every being – past, present and future – that has helped us ascend to a higher self. There is no ownership in love, there is only love. With love comes growth and with growth comes pain.
Pain is our greatest teacher. We would not know deep pain, if we didn’t feel the absence of deep love that initiated that emotion. It is only when we become vulnerable to that pain, when we have experienced true growth, even though Growth is Uncomfortable.
But that space of discomfort – is where you will always find me. Whether it’s posting unpopular views online, trekking alone in Europe, biking up a hill in Vegas, jumping out an airplane or dancing with my husband’s ex-wife.
If growth requires courage, I’m here for it. I don’t want just a little bit out of life, I want it all. This journey – in my work, my relationships and my life dealings – will not be easy, but the effort, and the outcome – will be worth it.