November 13, 2013
My world is so silent.
Besides the sounds of my playful sons, the car radio, the gym’s music and the noise my key strokes make, I don’t hear much. My husband has been away at Team Rubicon’s Headquarters in LA and will most likely leave abroad to assist in the relief efforts in the Philippines. It’s a small sacrifice not having him around – a calling I’ve been accustomed to since he also left after the hurricanes in New Jersey, the floods in Chicago and the tornados in Oklahoma. When I met him I knew he was a formerly decorated Marine whose life changed after he became injured with a traumatic brain injury while working as a private security contractor in Iraq. I knew he was talented in operations and leadership. I knew he sought responsibility and was service-oriented. I knew he had a passion to help people.
And while we spent the first years together raising a family and building a life, I knew eventually his nature will call him to serve again.
After all, it is often said that to whom much is given, much is expected. It is in our service…to our children, our community and our world – where we discover our light and meet our purpose. While we may think we have little, we still have so much more than the person who has the least. Through service you take concentration off of yourself and in-turn stop monotonous thoughts of past actions or future events that make you feel depressed, frustrated or anxious.
I know this process intimately as a daughter who watched her mom suffer from health issues and as a woman who underwent a painful eating disorder. While there was much resentment, anger, guilt and shame in these events, I only began healing when I started to transform that pain into a purpose. I began to believe all things happened for a reason and that restoration lay in my ability to utilize pain and personal experience to service, help, guide and assist others who were on similar paths.
What causes us pain gives us strength.
Like the last reps of a bicep curl or the final sprint to the end of your finish line…it was that moment, that push, that pain – that created the most mental, physical and spiritual strength. As in life, being a working mother, raising multiple children, balancing life and ambitions – are challenging endeavors that make us stronger in the end.
So now I’m sitting in silence.
Sometimes silence is painful. It is in this solitude when I miss my husband, when I wish I didn’t watch the news or receive ground reports of what’s really going on in the Philippines. Sometimes it’s easier to talk about the latest cars, the tastiest restaurants or whatever menial posts flood my Facebook timeline.
I’m not that person.
I don’t fear what I can’t control. I fear what I can – which is me and my ability to bring to consciousness what is important. While pain isn’t something we seek, it is a necessary emotion required for you to become uncomfortable with where you are. In order to grow, you must be challenged. So while the devastation our humanity faces makes one uncomfortable, it is in that pain when you begin an internal wave to promote change. God Bless you and God Bless the Philippines.
Right now there is no Red Cross. No Gov’t help. No water or food for the past 5 days. Imagine sleeping in the rain next to your lifeless child. That’s what’s going on in the Philippines right now. If you can sacrifice your Starbucks tomorrow – or perhaps your takeout lunch, please donate to Team Rubicon. $25 dollars is over 1000 pesos. Your donation large or small means the world to people who literally have NOTHING. http://fundraise.teamrubiconusa.org/fundraise?fcid=284676
Typical morning. I usually can’t work when the kids are awake. They always fight for lap space!
These moments get harder when my husband’s away as I am still working from home.
My best times to get things done is when they youngest naps (and the boys are in their playroom) or after they go to bed
(which means I am working until midnight).