August 13, 2012
No marriage is perfect.
I haven’t witnessed one marriage that truly epitomizes the ideal marriage found in the fairytales I read when I was a little girl. As pretty and perfect many of the photos people post on Facebook appear to be, I know there is an underbelly behind those seamless smiles…a reality seeped with bitter altercations, indifferent opinions and uncompromising lifestyles. No two people are exactly the same, which makes sharing a life quite difficult for anyone….
There are many things I love about my husband. I love his work ethic. I love his humor. I love his depth and ability to explain the world to me. I love how he loves my family…how he plays with the boys and takes care of me, especially when sick. Despite some of his presumed deficiencies when we first met, he has proven to be a man of pride, honor and respect. I love and yet, hate all these things about him.
Sometimes he works on things that I don’t support. Sometimes he laughs at things I don’t think is funny. Sometimes he can explain the world to me, without asking me if I want to hear it.
Since he’s been absent from my stressful daily routine because of tasks and traveling, I harbored some resentment when conversing with him Sunday afternoon. Unexpectantly, we experienced a small blowout amongst the company of family and friends – a small incident that caught me by surprise also.
I didn’t know I was so angry.
In that moment, I felt a multitude of emotions. I felt taken for granted….Unappreciated. Stressed. Tired. Disrespected. Whether he truly knew he influenced those feelings is irevelent because those feelings were very real for me. Since I represent half of what makes our marriage whole, I felt like there were cracks within our structure that we needed to meet head-on.
Marriage is about love, patience, understanding and compromise.
Above all –
Marriage is about commitment.
The young puppy-love couples will one day feel it. The newlyweds with no kids will one day feel it also. It’s that feeling of wanting to turn back time or maybe stop time so you can halt emotions like anger, sadness, depression, loneliness and resentment. You ask yourself if you’re strong enough to ‘get over it’, to fight through negative thoughts or even put up with habits you think will never die.
And then you say, yes I can.
And then firmly, that yes I will.
Marriage is a commitment. It wasn’t made to be easy and the reward that true love brings will only serve those who do the work.
Love isn’t something you create the day you get married. Love is something that develops through time, a spiritual emotion that deepens due to distress and devotion. Love is a daily choice…a minute-by-minute decision, to act with compassion, to seek with understanding and to love without conditions.
photo by: http://www.eyeconnoisseur.com/
Taken 8 months after the birth of Baby Gabriel. This is also our first night out on Saturday without kids in two months
Happy Birthday to my youngest sister, Angeline Kang.