Chasing the Fairytale

August 14, 2012

August 13, 2012

No marriage is perfect.

I haven’t witnessed one marriage that truly epitomizes the ideal marriage found in the fairytales I read when I was a little girl. As pretty and perfect many of the photos people post on Facebook appear to be, I know there is an underbelly behind those seamless smiles…a reality seeped with bitter altercations, indifferent opinions and uncompromising lifestyles. No two people are exactly the same, which makes sharing a life quite difficult for anyone….

Including myself.

There are many things I love about my husband. I love his work ethic. I love his humor. I love his depth and ability to explain the world to me. I love how he loves my family…how he plays with the boys and takes care of me, especially when sick. Despite some of his presumed deficiencies when we first met, he has proven to be a man of pride, honor and respect. I love and yet, hate all these things about him.

Sometimes he works on things that I don’t support. Sometimes he laughs at things I don’t think is funny. Sometimes he can explain the world to me, without asking me if I want to hear it.

Since he’s been absent from my stressful daily routine because of tasks and traveling, I harbored some resentment when conversing with him Sunday afternoon. Unexpectantly, we experienced a small blowout amongst the company of family and friends – a small incident that caught me by surprise also.

I didn’t know I was so angry.

In that moment, I felt a multitude of emotions. I felt taken for granted….Unappreciated. Stressed. Tired. Disrespected. Whether he truly knew he influenced those feelings is irevelent because those feelings were very real for me. Since I represent half of what makes our marriage whole, I felt like there were cracks within our structure that we needed to meet head-on.

Marriage is about love, patience, understanding and compromise.

Above all –

Marriage is about commitment.

The young puppy-love couples will one day feel it. The newlyweds with no kids will one day feel it also. It’s that feeling of wanting to turn back time or maybe stop time so you can halt emotions like anger, sadness, depression, loneliness and resentment. You ask yourself if you’re strong enough to ‘get over it’, to fight through negative thoughts or even put up with habits you think will never die.

And then you say, yes I can.

And then firmly, that yes I will.

Marriage is a commitment. It wasn’t made to be easy and the reward that true love brings  will only serve those who do the work.

Love isn’t something you create the day you get married. Love is something that develops through time, a spiritual emotion that deepens due to distress and devotion. Love is a daily choice…a minute-by-minute decision, to act with compassion, to seek with understanding and to love without conditions.

photo by:

Taken 8 months after the birth of Baby Gabriel. This is also our first night out on Saturday without kids in two months

Happy Birthday to my youngest sister, Angeline Kang.




  • Reply june August 15, 2012 at 6:19 am

    Just sounds like your on your premenstual.

  • Reply Maria August 15, 2012 at 4:36 pm

    not sure if you saw this but thought you may like how funny Chris Rock is on the subject, better than Dr. Phil:

  • Reply Maria Kang August 15, 2012 at 6:01 pm

    Actually – I wasn’t pms-ing, it was at the tail end of my period. And yes, Chris Rock has some awesome skits on the relations between a man and woman!

  • Reply Steve Young September 18, 2012 at 5:34 am

    Love is a commitment, not an emotion. This is actually very Biblical and we tell it to our couples everyday. Emotions come and go, everything from anger to joy. Love never falls into that category. But the problem in these days is that too many couples treat love as an emotion. So there’s a fight, they fall out of love. So they have fun…and now they are back in love.

    You’re on the right track. Understanding that love and marriage is a choice, is a big step in the right direction.

    • Reply Maria Kang September 18, 2012 at 1:55 pm

      Absolutely agree Steve and it sounds like you have a lot of experience with married couples!

  • Reply Sanjit Mandal February 14, 2014 at 3:52 pm

    You have great advice and tips; I share them when I am able to, keep training the mind, body, and spirit!
    Have a great Valentine’s Day!

  • Reply Ann Martell February 16, 2014 at 1:47 am

    Hi Maria,
    Your weight loss and being a health advocate is inspiring. I saw you interviewed at
    Balitang America, and yes I’m Filipino. I just want to know how did you reach the body that
    You are in now, such an inspiration. I am over 35 lbs overweight and I just joined a gym
    membership. The problem is, my husband is not in favor of me working out and leaving my only
    Child in the gym child care. I work on weekends and on graveyard shifts. I’m really having a hard time
    putting my health in top priority right now. Can you give me some advice? I’d appreciate your time in reading my email.
    Ann Martell

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