May 20, 2013
For the first time in 8 years, I stopped posting regularly on my website.
I’ve been busy with work, consumed with activities, exhausted with child-rearing and mildly depressed with my life operations. Periodically I get down. At the end of a demanding day, instead of working or writing until midnight, I choose to sleep early knowing that I have to wake up the next day and ‘exist’ again. I don’t see this low tide as a negative experience, I see sadness as a very natural experience. After all, we can’t always be happy, positive and energetic all the time. Those who are – pretend to be.
I’ve never been a good pretender.
It’s not easy right now. Starting a new business never is. Having multiple children never is. Trying to prioritize your personal fitness when you are needed everywhere – never is. I’m trying to reflect on this passing season in my life without becoming consumed by how lost I feel living in the present moment.
While things are tough…I know it could be tougher. In the depth of my recent depression I allowed defeat, stress and fatigue succeed in preventing me to see what I lacked versus what I had. The truth is, regardless of my position at the end of the day, I still had freedom of choice, to choose my attitude and try again the next day. That single strength: the strength to choose your attitude and therefore your actions is the most powerful truth one can discover.
You can either focus on what you have or what you don’t have.
Just now I had chills watching online news stories about the tornadoes in Oklahoma. I saw older women on gurneys, who could’ve been my mom, or injured children who could’ve been my child…it made my eyes water, my heart break and my soul sad. I realized that my recent sadness is nothing compared to the sadness experienced by the families in Oklahoma. What am I so sad about? I can hug my child tonight. I can wake up and go to the gym tomorrow. My difficult is no longer difficult when I see images of houses completely destroyed – recalling it still gives me chills.
This afternoon I had an emotional phone call with my mother who cried through the news story of the elementary schools uplifted by the tornado. After I hung up, my husband looked at me and said “I got the call.” Immediately I knew he received orders to prepare for deployment with Team Rubicon to Oklahoma within 48-72 hours. Since he’s two weeks shy from arriving after assisting in the Chicago floods, I wasn’t thrilled at the idea of being a “single” mom, again, and deal with all the frills of being a working mom of three tiny boys.
While challenging, deep down I know it’s absolutely nothing compared to the lives devastated by the tornadoes. I know my husband has the passion, experience, command and ability to truly and effectively help people. When I first met him, he once told me that throughout his life he was always placed at the right place at the right time – like an accident – to help people in need. Today, I think he’s with the right organization, in the right time of his life, with the right person…who will support his purpose.
So life will continue to be a little harder these next couple weeks. The difference is, however, that the pain I see will provide me with the power I need to persevere through these difficult times.
When others are weakened, we must become stronger…that’s the equilibrium of life. In trying times, that’s when you give – because even if you don’t think you have enough, you can still find a little more. Just like the universal laws found in fitness, it’s that last couple reps you thought you couldn’t do, that made you grow the most.
I’ve been down – but down just redefined itself.
This is how I look every day when I get to finally lay down.
All the boys are clamoring for room on me.
…and this is how I look like in the morning if I don’t get up
before them!! Noticing a trend here?
Mother’s Day BBQ with my girlfriend, Araceli, at my mom’s house.
I’ve been making more of an effort to spend time with my
girlfriends (even though I’m exhausted at the end of the day
I absolutely LOVED hanging out with Emily. I miss her.
Getting ready to start writing an article (on deadline) at
5:30am on a Saturday morning.
I just read a blog speaking so highly against you and all I have to say is keep going at it girl! You are such an inspiration to women who drive to be physically healthy and NOT making excuses. I’m sure you get these motivational comments all the time but wow. I guess when you strive to go up, someone else will always try to push you down. You’re awesome girl! God bless! 🙂
I thank you for your brutal honesty and the courage to reveal such inner turmoil. I wanted to validate your feelings and say that what you’ve shared is such a “universal” feeling that most women experience. The “perpetual juggle” of raising small children, perfecting our careers, being a “good wife,” managing our household, being a friend, daughter, or sister and remembering to nurture our body, soul, and spirit is really quite draining! So cut yourself some slack, you deserve it. Trying to be perfect in every aspect of your life will only result in disappointment. I know this may be difficult to grasp when one is a perfectionist. But remember, life is finite so focus on the things that truly matter and you will be alright…you will be perfect! (The picture of you and your 3 boys reveal what matters!)
Thanks so much Chris. I used to have the quote “Focus on Progress not Perfection” posted on my wall for years so I can overcome my perfectionist tendencies. I really appreciate your kind message.
We all feel this way from time to time. Especially as a mother, I feel down when I’m stretched too thin. But we realize- if not us, then who? Who will get us up in the morning? Who will give out mommy hugs? Who will kiss boo boos? Who will take care of our health and energy so we can care for others? Treat yourself well. I applaud you and every other mommy that gets back up there, finds her positive attitude, warm smile, and strong heart. Another day, another amazing and familiar day. We are so lucky!
Exactly! Which is why it’s so difficult when you are sick and wonder “who’s going to make them breakfast?” Really didn’t know my strength until I became a mother…
Just came across your various sites today, enjoy reading it.
My wife and I have 3 kids also….my oldest is 12 (a girl), the other 2 are boys 15 months apart (8 and 7)…
Those two boys do the same thing even now…..just climb on top of mom…..don’t want to much to do with me….but they love mom.
Enjoy your time with them, this is a great age……and it goes by so quick.
Thanks so much – yes, my boys are ALL momma’s boys…wherever I go, they migrate. I love them and I cherish it as I know one day they will leave me 🙁
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