April 26, 2011
Late Friday evening, Nicholas started showing symptoms of the stomach flu. The entire night was spent soothing him and doing laundry. The very next day I felt like a zombie as we packed up the car to set up for my mom-me group’s Circus-themed Easter Party. Not only was the day mildly cold, but I felt sick, I had no sleep and I felt incredibly exhausted. While the park was soon surrounded by balloons, games, BBQ and screaming kids, I could not wait for the day to pass so I could lie in my bed and recover from an exhausting week.
As I was driving around pre-party, I was again peeved at myself for constantly taking on social responsibilities. While my professional schedule has tapered, my home life with the boys has become hectic as they are growing into full-fledged little terrors. I’m obsessed with their daily schedule and have a hard time deterring from their nap time, meal times or any times that alter their attitude throughout the day. My life is literally my kids and my entire family of course, but from the moment they wake up hungry for breakfast, it seems that 70% of my thoughts each day involve their care.
These busy times often makes me reminisce of me and my husband’s lone trip to Europe earlier this year. We enjoyed quiet dinners, exciting day trips and nightly entertainment. Essentially, we enjoyed each other a quality time we rarely partake in because babysitters are few and far between. While I enjoyed experiencing the single’ life, I knew nothing could replace the life I chose to exist in today. It’s easy to become envious of friends who can easily go on date nights or wake up late each morning. It’s difficult sharing your spouse’s attention with two young attention-needy kids. While I envy those freedoms, I also realize that having a choice is what defines freedom and I.
I chose to have a family.
I chose to have a business. I chose to have a mom-me group. I chose to host parties. I chose to get up this morning. I chose to eat a piece of chocolate with my lunch. I chose to have kids close in age and I chose to deal with sleepless nights and sick kids.
Every time I affirm my ability to choose my attitude and therefore consciously direct my actions, I know I possess a power beyond physical measure. There is no greater reality than freedom not just freedom of physical circumstances, but freedom of mind knowing that you control what you think about. Most people don’t even know what they think about! Most of all, they don’t know that what they think about is mastered by their own self.
It’s been a rough week but I wouldn’t know easy, if I didn’t know rough. ..And I above all, I chose this path, and that’s why I choose to exist and conquer it.