September 12, 2005 I am back!!! I arrived back from a week long vacation on the Big Island of Hawaii last night! It was soo much fun. I went snorkeling almost every day, saw the volcanoes and most importantly, I spent a lot of quality time with my father. The truth is, is that while it was a beautiful vacation overall, the majority of the time, (even though it was a big resort) I was having a hard time living in harmony with my father. When we disagreed on…
September 4, 2005 I finally visited an exhibit here in San Francisco called, “The Universe Within.” This exhibit exposes the human organism in a captivating yet disturbing manner: I saw preserved, human bodies intact, without skin. I saw each muscle, each bone, each organ…I saw how the nervous, cardiovascular, and digestive system operated. I saw bodies split into saggital, frontal and horizontal planes. Bodies were positioned riding a bike, shopping in heels, throwing a baseball…the most disturbing display was a standing human body holding a…
August 28, 2005 Lately I’ve been addicted to spinning classes. In my most recent spinning class, that I take every Saturday morning at 9am, the instructor Tom, put us through a grueling sprint…which meant we had to ride as fast as we could manage. And so I began moving my legs with exponential speed, challenging myself to see how much my heart, my muscles and my mind can withstand in this period of chaotic control. In this moment of personal contest, I recognized, that like anything in…
August 21, 2005 So if you guys have been reading my journals and website thoroughly these past few weeks or months, then you’re probably wondering how the heck I came to be the way I am…While my bio lists my accomplishments, what I would like to share with you now, is what people tend to not list: and that’s their failures. High school was very difficult for me. My 2nd week there I was confronted by a group of girls…
August 15, 2005 This weekend was pretty busy….which ended with me getting tired, sick and sleepy. I was a guest judge at a pageant this weekend and it was interesting because instead of being the competitor on stage, I was now looking from a judge’s perspective what I really wanted to see in a winner. The best advice I was given when I first started competing…and the advice I now give today, is to “be yourself.” I never understood why it was…
August 7, 2005 The fun part of my days are usually when I lay down in my bed and I feel totally beat up and exhausted, yet refreshed, calm and content because then I remember I just had a super efficient day that began with a kick butt workout! This morning I completed a 33-mile bike ride in the “Tour de Peninsula” with my friend, Connie Wu. It was interesting because it was the first real, physical event we participated in together. You see…Connie and I are…
August 1, 2005 Lately I’ve been wondering what part of human history we are living in? If I were to contribute to the social sciences I’d call this era “The age of selfish guilt,” “The era of fear,” or “The pursuit of loneliness.” With all the terrorism…the war…the natural disasters…life seems uncertain, scary and fearful. We are in a very interesting period in America. Our country hasn’t been this divided since the period before the Civil War. We humorously criticize our president…we buy big cars, big houses, and lots of insurance to…
July 25, 2005 Those close to me know that I have problems saying ‘thank you’ when someone compliments me on most anything. I am very bashful in that sense, and never ‘believe’ that what someone is stating is true or from the heart. Believe it or not, I have a hard time looking at myself most mornings and believing I’m actually ‘fit’ or ‘pretty.’ What I find interesting is that what we see and what others see is so different. I truly believe…
July 17, 2005 I had a very interesting past week…right around Tuesday night I started feeling fatigued and tired…soon that feeling turned into an acute depression. (I strongly believe this is hormonally influenced.) I started lying around a lot…staring at the wall, not even working out! I know myself well: and I know that because I have had difficulties with my menstrual cycle…I have fluctuating chemical imbalances…I also know, that for the last couple years, my drive to be disciplined…
July 10, 2005 There is one thing that drives me absolutely crazy: People who blame. People who don’t take accountability for their own actions…people who victimize themselves…people who constantly look at the past for reasons why they are in their present. I strongly believe that people who blame surrender their power to others. They weaken their ability to change the sails of their own ship because they let the wind dictate where they end up going. Why am I saying this? Because this past week,…