a prayer to a little boy.

August 2, 2005

August 1, 2005

Lately I’ve been wondering what part of human history we are living in? If I were to contribute to the social sciences I’d call this era “The age of selfish guilt,” “The era of fear,” or “The pursuit of loneliness.”

With all the terrorism…the war…the natural disasters…life seems uncertain, scary and fearful. We are in a very interesting period in America. Our country hasn’t been this divided since the period before the Civil War. We humorously criticize our president…we buy big cars, big houses, and lots of insurance to cover our butt’s if ‘something happens.’ We watch mindless television and suffer from depression, insomnia, heart disease, and cancer. Our kids are being diagnosed with adult diseases and suffering from ADD. We have lost our creative culture…and our drive to achieve and positively contribute to our communities…

We are more lonely, more stressed, more uncertain, more unhealthy than we have ever been. We have been trained to be ‘obedient’ workaholics who look forward to weekends, holidays, and happy hours. We’ve become disconnected from our country, our communities, and most importantly, we’ve become disconnected from ourselves…

Re-collecting this idea reminds me of a beautiful day in January when I was sitting by myself at the beach overlooking the ocean, watching a young boy play in the sand with his mother. I’m going to share an excerpt of the journal I wrote in that day:

-Sitting at Ocean Beach, 2:30pm 1/21/05-

There is a beautiful little boy, around 2 1/2 staring at me. For a moment his mind becomes infatuated with my face…staring into his eyes, I am reminded that we are all kids at heart. We love beautiful things- we love learning new things. And it’s sad to know that one day, something will disrupt the peaceful existence of this baby – & this baby will stop laughing- stop playing and stop seeing the beauty of the ocean – of the sand – even the beauty of a woman’s face. Let us all become kids at heart. Let us never forget the innocence of our souls. Let us always remember how much fun life is….Dear God Bless this little boy….

I feel like people’s growth stunted somewhere when they became ‘scared’ of something…or when something ‘hurt’ them very badly. And their entire life is designed around avoiding the incident or thing. I feel that at heart, most people are very scared of their own mortality…that feeling of uselessness to the world and to the people around them. My insecurities made me compete in pageantry, travel abroad, work tirelessly, and give to charities.

My deepest insecurities created an inner rebellious child…a child that believes that nothing in life is what it seems…that nothing is real, for everything in conscious view is created in the perception of the beholder….
Today we’ve been disconnected from ourselves…we’ve become disconnected to the ‘source.’ We’ve lost the spirituality component that makes up almost our entire being. Gandhi once said to, “Be the change you wish to see in the world.” My personal hope is that we can change the route of fear, loneliness and selfishness our culture is currently driving down…and become the young children we once were: when we believed we can be anything we wanted to be…and had the power to own our dreams.