April 15, 2008
My three year anniversary for this site just passed me by literally. Ive been so busy living that I forgot to pay homage to a moment in my life when I began sharing my eyes with the rest of the world.
On this website, every sentence you read, every emotion you take in, every experience you feel. is not just my words, my affairs, and my life.
It is our lives.
As I sit, think, write and share. I am not just talking about my experiences – I’m talking about the human experience. The experience of yearning to live life with passion, risk and willingness to give it all for something you cant see, touch or smell yet know in your dreams alone.
Three years ago I dreamt of starting a nonprofit. I dreamt of meeting an extraordinary man. I dreamt of being a writer, a role model, a teacher. Most of all I dreamt of a life larger than what I knew at that moment in time.
In the meekness of that moment, I only knew what it meant to be a personal trainer who was occupied with bulimic tendencies and indulging in painful regrets. I’d walk throughout my days in constant contemplation wondering…Wondering what motivated people to move? what made people even desire to get up in the morning? Wondering if winning contests, attaining money and going shopping was the means to what end result? Wondering if getting married, having kids and working 60 hrs/week was all one had to look forward to? I wondered if being born just to die one day really Life?
I dove into reading, contemplating, writing and reflecting. In those early months, the image of who I was, who I became and who I was becoming starting taking continuous form. I started seeing my mothers wants, my fathers expectations, my teachers encouragements and my environments influences. I lost myself in their eyes.
In this humble awareness, I learned to re-discover my soul inside my eyes.
Earlier today, David and I had a small altercation in which he didn’t fully understand how nave I can be about situations regarding trust. While I have a lot of business sense and street smarts, there is an unwavering virtue inside my soul.an untapped belief that good exists in all things and that all dreams are possible with faith, love and hope. After a day-long misunderstanding, he looked at me tonight and finally expressed how he understood the innocence in my intentions. He recognized that I only impose on others what I know to be true in my heart alone, for you can only see what your soul perceives. If you hate others, you expect others to hate you. If you see good in others, you expect others to see good in you. And even though I have good faith in all people, I still protect my boundaries and am cognizant of the energy of the environments I consciously choose to be in. In the end of our discussion, I began tearing up when he finally said to me , I am learning to see life through your eyes.
And that is all I ever hoped for..to spread the passion I see. Three years ago, I realized that Life is not defined by what others see…but by what you see.
What you see will eventually physically manifest and the dreams you manifest is what determines Life.
Journal Pictures: April 15, 2008