September 20, 2007
Yesterday we had our first Board of Directors meeting for the fitness nonprofit I am founding. Founding a non profit is similar to starting a business. There are paperwork, tax documents, business plans, bylaws, directors and money involved. Most of all, there’s a lot of commitment, passion, focus and self-drive.
While my history has proven that I hardly lacked juice in the self-drive department, I whole heartedly admit that my drive is fueled by faith from a trusted team especially when heading in a dim direction no one in my extended network has ever been. So as we went through the agenda, defined our parameters and discussed our roles, I was personally filled with shared emotions of excitement yet anxiety.
In the last 18 hours, I had deep and long conversations with my trusted friends: Spencer Fesmire, Stephanie Wong and Tony Gawron about all the things that were prohibiting me from seeing perspective in a public-benefit, start up journey that has multiple risks involved. I was experiencing opposite pairs of emotions at any given minute. One minute I’m anxious, the next, I’m calm. In one sentence I’m scared, in the proceeding sentence
I’m fearless.
The biggest feeling I experienced was the realization that I was committing myself to this project. While I’ve been in the fitness industry for over 7 years as a trainer, educator, marketer, coordinator, manager, writer, competitor and blogger…I never committed myself to one company in that entire duration. Similar to my decisions in leaving past boyfriends, past jobs, past cities and past friends – once internal and external growth halts, I feel a suffocating need to break free.
Freedom is the ability to grow, to learn, to live and most importantly to love exactly the way you want to. You live without inhibitions, without expectations and without guilt.
Whenever a dark energy of control looms over me, I instantly feel it, and move into a place where light energy feeds my life’s seed.
My life’s seed has already broken dirt, sprouted a stem and has produced some small flowers. In the last 26 years of hail, rain, wind and storm, my root has strengthened from the pressure and is now prepared to bear fruit.
We all bear fruits in the life results we produce you must be cognizant of what kind of fruits people bear, and what type of plants are growing next to you. Living creatures are all aiming for light to survive, so be discerning when you feel those who shadow darkness next to you.
After working with challenging peers, studying difficult subjects, befriending irritating people, and loving complicated things…
I’ve learned in darkness what truly carries light in this world:
- True Profit is measured by the achievement of a community.
- Ambition is the ability to go for what you REALLY want.
- Love is the unifying source where all creative acts begin.
- Personal Success is within the energy transformed by the presence you instill.
- All your “yesterday’s” prepare you for what will arrive tomorrow.
- Happiness is found whenever you say thank you every morning, to everything and to everyone.even those who hurt you.
These tenants is what guides me every single day as I go through teeth-pulling actions. In the last 18 hours, I reminded myself that commitment is difficult only when you are not free…when you are not free to be yourself. One of the biggest life lessons you will find is that you are not your ‘true’ self when your mind is enslaved by human judgment.
Yet once you discover the only thing that keeps you alive… when you sense the strength of your root… you will be able to carry the pressure this world and your established commitments will produce. It is my root: my faith, my family, my friends and my convictions that will strengthen me in this commitment. For those reasons I am fearless.
Journal Pictures September 17, 2007
Birthday party with a fun magician at the carehome on Friday evening!
It was sooo fun. I want a clown, a magician and pony rides for my 85th
birthday!!
My Uncle Eddie is that little speck to the right 
At the “Best of Broadway” show Friday night.
They wanted to drive to the park. I said we’re going to run – so we
ran!! Aren’t they adorable??!!
At the ‘turning-thingy’ at the park. That’s me! I bought my cute shirt in Thailand!
At Christine’s new house Saturday night. She was tutoring them on how to write their names…
I’m a perennial over-achiever
He is such an ‘attention-whore’. Seriously.