November 29, 2011

Several years ago, I read the book “The Five Love Languages” by Dr. Gary Chapman. It described how people give and receive love based upon their idea of what love is. For some it’s words of affirmation, for others, it can be receiving gifts or physical touch.  For me, it’s acts of service and quality time.

I love it when my husband and I take long, lone trips together and talk in the car. When we went on our road trip many years ago, I don’t recall ever turning on the radio. When I come home and smell a clean floor or notice the bed is fixed, I feel like he really loves me. For me, loving someone means being attentive and servicing them with acts that show you appreciate and love them. While it’s nice to receive expensive gifts, be showered with affection and be told you are beautiful and loved…for me, nothing beats a deep conversation or fresh laundry.

So when David didn’t promptly wake on the morning of my birthday to assist me with the boy’s morning routine, I was very disappointed. Now that I’m on the last few weeks of my pregnancy, my body has become tired and heavy and my mind has become emotional and hormonally influenced. I laid in bed sulking the majority of the morning because while I didn’t desire being treated like a princess on “my day”, the last thing I wanted to feel was misunderstood or invisible to the people who were closest to me. When it comes to gift-giving, I rarely purchase gift cards. Since I usually spend extensive amount of time creating someone’s gift or writing significant words in a card, it’s difficult not expecting the same offering in return. On my birthday morning, I felt that since David did not punctually wake up, it signified that he didn’t appreciate me…which is far from the truth.

David’s love language is physical touch. He loves to be embraced, touched and held. His second love language is receiving/giving gifts. In these last few weeks he has surprised me with a large vanity mirror and an apron stitched with pearls and the words, “Little Black Apron”.  I can never compete with his language of love – just like he cannot compete with mine.

While we love uniquely … in the end, we love each other. Loving someone requires patience, understanding and unconditional faith that our intentions are always good intentions.

Later that morning, he proceeded to make me a smoothie and prepare the boys for my birthday lunch with my family. During the meal, David presented me with a beautiful white gold, diamond and multi-colored, sapphire ring.  While it was a thoughtful act, I still failed to truly appreciate his effort because I was still harboring disappointment from his lack of attention that morning. In deeper reflection, I realized that I’m not an easy person to shop for…so I was somewhat surprised he gifted me with the most perfect piece of jewelry that reflected my preference for color yet simplicity.  I regret not fully appreciating his act at the time, but in reflection, I do today.

Had David not listened to me in our years together, he would’ve never chosen a more perfect gift for me.  The price will never match the planning found in his attentiveness to the things, colors and shapes I love and adore.

Thank you sweetheart.