In all my years posting online, you’ve never seen me post about a birthday celebration Most of my life I’ve always been pensive, melancholy and seeking solitude on my birthday. The question “Why am I here?” has plagued me since I was 4.
There must be more than working, marrying, having kids, buying a house, retiring, traveling and dying. It can’t just be about social media posts, soccer games, buying annual holiday presents and seeking our next achievement – whatever that ambition may be.
The last year was the hardest year of my life. Despite the joys of traveling abroad, filming Family Feud, and being with my boys, there was so much internal struggle in-between. I resisted everything. I faced my shadows. I looked in the mirror and saw anger disguised as eczema.
My greatest strength to persist became my worst enemy. I didn’t know when to stop. My ego wouldn’t…couldn’t, fail. I was trapped on a wheel, an unfulfilling cycle that stopped serving me a long time ago.
Then I surrendered. I describe it as the most natural transition when I finally decided to let go of control. It was like swimming against a current and waiting for my body to break down until I was finally forced to let my body and soul go with the flow of the waves. Wherever it settled, there I’d be.
So here I am.
I am no longer 4 asking why I’m here, I’m 42 stating why I’m here. I chose to dance, smile, celebrate and embrace the genuine souls that make my life more meaningful. Daily, I choose to utilize my God given talents and skills to be of service to this world. I am extremely thankful for the life I’ve lived and grateful for the future that awaits. I see my light. I see THE light.
The tunnel is getting brighter.
Cheers to another year, thank you for being part of my journey.