shades of grey.

June 27, 2006

June 26, 2006

I am tired! I am officially, unmistakably tired. My body feels like it’s
been hit by a bus from 4 cardio sessions in less that 40 hours.
traveled every weekend for the last few months and while I want to take
a ‘break’ I still have a pretty full schedule for the next few months.

Despite my fatigue, I spontaneously ran on the treadmill tonight
after we went shopping for dinner. It was Monday, I was tired, I had
already finished morning cardio, traveling, and workbut I was thinking
negatively due to a festive birthday weekend and despite continuous
effort, I still lacked real, physical progression. After a good hour of
feeling sorry for myself, instead of lying in bed the way I wanted to,
I got up and moved. I took action. And now I’m sore. But at least I
know I’m one step closer

Lately I’ve been digging into the world of self discovery as I become more
conscious of what physical elements enter into my minds visual
perception.  The beauty of being human is discovering that in order to ‘see’ things, you have to ‘think’ of that object first.  In order to know what you are searching for, you have to imagine its initial components.

I tend to ask myself questions often and this past week while driving, I
listened to a Jim Rohn motivational cd I found in my parent’s home,
while flipping channels in Reno, I watched an inspirational pbs program
with Dr. Wayne Dyer, and while searching for reading material before
bed, I read a moving book  by Tony Robbins -this last week, I spent simple quality time by myself immersed in thoughts of how life unfolds as it does.  I’ve
always believed that answers come when you ask the right questions that
teachers reveal themselves when you are ready to learn…
I found
my greatest teachers in the innocence of my nephew’s laugh; in the
loving wisdom of an old widow, in a surprise email from an old friend,
in the understanding voice of my boyfriendI found the
beauty inside of each living object because I searched for it. We can
all see life, lessons and love when we start projecting that same grace
from within ourselves.

I don’t question my life often because I’m bored – I question it because
I feel continuously challenged with the thoughts that seep into my
brain.  I tend to naturally feel un-successful, stagnant, overweight, lazy, and unproductive from time to time.  That
is my personal vice the way I tend to see only black and white instead
of seeing the vibrant and various colors that exist in life.  One of the biggest thing I’ve learned is that life has many shades of grey –

that there is no thing as ‘good’ or ‘bad’ – no such thing as ‘perfect’
or ‘imperfect’.there is no such thing as being totally one thing or
another we are everything. We are in a continuous path in
life that will never stop until we die. This path is a journey that
will either be in a height of pain or happiness circumstances will
always arise but true strength comes from how we react to each