In less than a week I will be in Vegas celebrating my youngest sister’s last days as a true Bachelorette. Lots of festivities are planned: from pool parties (where we purchased a captain’s hat for her ‘last sail’) to lingerie night (in our suite of course) and a list of dresses and blue colored shoes to pack for specific nights out. I’ve never been a big fan of Vegas as I don’t drink very much and never enjoyed the feeling of being drunk. If I do indulge, it’s usually a couple glasses of red wine, three at the most – in which I usually feel extremely buzzed immediately after. I’m also not indulgent when it comes to buffets or gambling, however, through the years I learned to appreciate what I do enjoy, which are shows, shopping and fine dining. I realize Vegas really isn’t ‘that’ bad – which makes this trip, not so unbearable.
The only unbearable thing I could think of is being around twenty or so very skinny girls all weekend. We all pick the worlds we feel comfortable in and after growing up with two sisters who were very thin (compared to me) I realized that being ‘fit’ with muscle and tone is what made me feel confident. You see, my youngest sister is very statuesque. She is only 2 1/2 years younger than me (with another sister in-between us), 3 inches taller and has always resembled the genetics of my father’s aunt who is very, very, very skinny (did I emphasize VERY?) In fact, growing up she would eat loads of candy, loads of food and wake up for school each day and ask if her outfit made her look too skinny. I adored her and always knew she would grow into the beautiful, model-like woman you see on the Maury Povich show titled “Look at Me Now”, because it was always a matter of when she would ‘fill out’ and look less anorexic and more just normal skinny.
So now she’s turning 30, getting married and having her celebratory exit from the single life in Vegas. I’m certain me and my other sister (who also has children) are not too keen about getting into a swimsuit with girls who can fit into her 10-year old’s swimsuit. While I’m definitely not overweight I most certainly have my insecurities. It’s important to know that everyone has areas they wish they can improve and throughout my life I’ve had many. So here are a list of mine:
– I’ve notoriously always hated my legs. They are easy to build, carries a lot of muscle and can be described as ‘thunder thighs’. Of course, they are not THAT huge, but in my environment with two skinny sisters, they most definitely felt that way.
– My legs wouldn’t look so huge if I had smaller calves. Unfortunately/fortunately I was truly blessed in this department. My calves are naturally built. They have always seemed a little too big and because of it’s size my entire leg just seemed shorter. YES. I realize I am very critical here.
– My torso is long but of course it would be nice if it was a tad bit leaner, especially around my lower back where I can see just a pinch of fat. I know, I know, now I’m really getting super, duper anal…it really doesn’t matter to me, but if I wanted to get really particular about having to stand next to skinny girls in a swimsuit, that would be my annoyance…that and,
– My butt. I’ve always had a bubble butt until I became pregnant again, then again, then again…and after three years of my hips widening and lower back weakening, my butt seemed to go with it. I’ve been training it for a couple years now, so it has definitely improved from squats, lunges, deadlifts, kickbacks and hip thrusts.
– My upper body has always been more leaner than my bottom, of course like many women I don’t like the fat that pinches right around the bra strap. When posing, I make sure my arm is squeezing against my body to make it appear larger. In general, I can’t say I dislike much about my upper body.
Of course there’s the stretchmarks and extra skin that most of these girls who have never had kids won’t have, but I’ve trained my body so diligently that you can hardly notice them unless I bend over (which I don’t plan on doing).
I don’t want to sound like I’m unappreciative of what I DO have or that I have body dysmorphic disorder. I am just aware of certain insecurities that make me continue to strive to train hard at the gym and continuously improve. I’ve seen my legs become leaner, my butt become rounder and my whole body become stronger from the last few months of goal setting and training. I also like discussing this because I whole heartedly believe that our insecurities stem from our environment – not just the magazines and TV shows we watched as a child – but most especially the people that existed within our environment.
For me, I grew up with an overweight mother and sisters who were significantly smaller than I was. I knew I was susceptible to being overweight based on my body’s physique growing up. This made me cognizant of my food intake and exercise at a young age. At the same time, being around skinny sisters also made me insecure. I still deal with those insecurities and am going to face some of them this upcoming weekend in Vegas.
So how do I deal with my insecurities? First off, it’s important to not compare yourself with other people. No one is perfect – even those with seemingly perfect bodies. Secondly, I focus on what I do have and accentuate the parts of my body I do love, which is my proportionate shape and toned physique. Lastly, I work on it. I don’t just accept it, I try to improve it to the best of my abilities – because everything can be improved and while my thighs may always be larger than I would like, it can definitely be more toned, which I will always work towards.
At an ‘all white’ business mixer a couple months ago. She’s the most social of the three.
Me, my sister Christine and Angeline.