So…for the last two  months I’ve been dealing with chronic back pain. I’ve seen a chiropractor and massage therapist regularly. I perform yoga, stretch more and wear heating pads all day long.

BUT…the pain still lingers.

I don’t know where it comes from. I KNOW that every time I work out (most recent: one being my bleachers workout two weeks ago, the second being my short run last Tuesday) I feel extreme tightness the next day. This pain has effected my mood swings (since activity usually subdues me) and my regular routine in general. It really SUCKS not being able to workout. Literally.

it makes me sad – out of routine – depressed. Imagine, I’m used to regular exercise and now, now I’m SCARED of exercising!

So my workouts have been obsolete. My food diet has been a 6/10. I tend to eat sugar whenever it’s available and especially when I’m tired and need a jolt with the boys or feel sorry for myself.

Yes people – fitness people feel sorry for themselves too AND they eat their sorrows.

I haven’t gained much in my pregnancy so far but still, I don’t like that ‘in-between’ stage where my belly is getting bigger but it’s not quite round yet. At the same time, I’m SCARED of getting bigger in fear of my back pain.

My massage therapist says that she feels I’m dealing with a lot of internal stress. AND I must agree – I feel like I am thinking a lot more than I usually do. It drives me crazy! I start to literally snowball my insecurities right now. I think about paperwork, finances, the future…I think about the stress of having so many kids…I think of how the future will look like. Yes, I know it’s terrible.

It doesn’t get easier when you’re a political junkie either. I read a lot of articles and books and all the things wrong with our government and it gets me into a bigger frenzy. Makes me want to move out of this country frenzy!

Another stress is the fact that my body has endured three pregnancies in a row – almost without a break. It must take a toll on one’s body. Considering that I’ve never experienced this before – it makes a lot of sense.

Tonight I plan on getting my tush up and doing a dance and yoga class. Dance is less impact on my body and it’s fun – so we will see.

Right now I feel like I need a serious nap (especially since the boys are napping) but there are five more things on my to-do list that needs to get done!

We will see…

taking my babies swimming!