Finding my way home

May 8, 2008

May 7, 2008

I am very excited. The day is sunny. The sky is clear. I ran this morning but most significantly, I left a really great meeting where I presented Fitness without Borders to the Elk Grove School District. Not only did we get great applause
for the programs we are initiating, but we also received positive feedback for the fitness clubs we will start implementing in both junior and high schools this fall.
Since its conception, FWB
has become a force on its own a combination of networking, researching and just plain working  has reaped some solid results in less than 2 months.

On Saturday we went on a short trip to Tahoe with my parents and on Sunday we attended the ground breaking of our church, Good Shepherd.

It was a huge, momentous occasion, especially since I remember attending mass at a local Elementary school when the church first congregated. Many parishioners attended, including some of the kids I instruct every Thursday at 4pm. It was interesting to look at this community and feel like we were joined in an effort to raise our kids in a safe haven where good moral values were being taught and practiced.

I feel a strong sense of home and community right now more than I had ever felt my entire life.

All my life I felt like I could pick up and move anywhere, simply because of two reasons: Firstly, I never felt the warm and secure feelings of being home….anywhere. I always felt very disconnected to places and people.
Secondly, I have a very adaptable personality. It is very easy for me to travel or move because I meet new friends and create similar daily routines everywhere.

This past year however, a lot of things have changed.

My grocer knows me. My favorite juice place knows me. My group instructor knows me. I am networking with influencers, contributing to
the community, teaching students and working with my parents. I am starting to finally remember peoples names (since I’ve always been
terrible at it) and getting to really know my community. It feels amazing.

I am starting to feel home.

That sense of security wasn’t found because the places or the people changed….Things Changed, because I Changed.  I became less selfish. I stepped outside my routine. I began contributing more. I began asking questions. More importantly, I extensively thought about what I really, really wanted 3 years from now.

I want a family.

I want to be married. I want lots of kids…I want to contribute to the community and travel – most of all, I want to be at peace and in love
with life, just as I am today.

and while I was happy last year, I wasn’t reaping the results I wanted.

I was living in a big city, working for a corporation and living a very single and ‘happy’ life. However, I knew I’d be lonely because I would be far from my family. I knew I’d be stressed because its in my nature to work hard. I knew I would be resentful for devoting time to a company that wasn’t my own. I knew I would be so independent that I would seemingly not need a male companion. I knew I’d regret not spending more time with my mom who was sickly. I also knew that all the things I envisioned as a child: of having a simple, almost country-like life, would be impossible because the circumstances didn’t allow the possibility…

So I changed my circumstances and I forced myself to grow.

In those decisions, you sacrifice a piece of your ego as well as allow a piece of who you think you are to die. It’s scary to lose yourself, but as I say often, it is in those moments you find yourself.

I am so excited about the things arriving but more than anything, I’m excited to have come home to myself.

 God Bless all of you.

Journal Pictures: May 6, 2008

With my old land lady in San Francisco! I love her! Miss Vivian Ige.

Right about to cross the bridge. I LOVE San Francisco.

Spontaneous trip to Muir Woods…about to go on a 3 mile hike!

Isn’t that ccccrraazzzy!!!