August 20, 2013
I read every comment people post on my sites and pages.
It may not seem like it as I get many, but I always remember suggestions, stories and encouraging words. Most recently I posted a picture my eldest son took while at a photoshoot this previous weekend. I mentioned how my dedication to this shoot was lackluster compared to my efforts in the past. I didn’t wake early to perform cardio. I didn’t cut carbs. I didn’t discipline my craving when I wanted some dark chocolate or sweet potato chips. My daily menu didn’t consist of boring chicken breast and broccoli in Tupperware containers. My routine was sporadic, chaotic and often unpredictable. My moods were often high strung as a result of my failed DVD efforts and fluctuations in my carehome businesses.
I didn’t feel like I brought my A-game that day.
So I posted my picture on Instagram and scrolled through the oncoming comments – one comment caught my attention and made me stop and think…. @fitrunnerchick wrote, “I can relate with what you just said. It’s hard to sustain the ‘perfect’ version of ourselves 365 days a year.”
That’s how I feel. I feel like sometimes I’m on point with my life goals: with eating clean, training hard, keeping a steady routine and being void of any life stress. Most of the time I don’t feel that way. I struggle to make all my priorities manageable in the 18 awake hours I have daily. I’m constantly measuring opportunity costs throughout the day. I ask myself –
Is it more beneficial for me to fall asleep with my youngest at 9:30pm (because I put him to sleep) or get up and clean the house and finish payroll?
Should I run a few errands on my way home with the boys or should I get home asap so the baby can get his noon nap timely?
If I exercise at this odd time, what time should I eat before I get too hungry or too full during/before my workout?
Just this morning I woke up at 6:30am to finish paperwork, run 2 miles and get the boys ready and fed before 8:15am. I put in a quick glute training at the gym before leading my mom-me fit club at the park at 10:00am. I had to leave after 30-minutes for a meeting at my carehome at 11:00am. As soon as it was finished, my sister picked me up to drive to San Francisco to see my sister’s wedding dress fitting. When I arrived home from a 5-hour trip of dress fitting, texting and emailing, I prepared dinner, bathed the boys, cleaned the house, completed more paperwork and wondered, again, what was the opportunity cost of staying up a little longer to write this journal entry.
It may not seem like I have much down time, but I am certainly forced to have it when I’m laying with my youngest and encouraging him to go ‘nite nite’ or sitting in a car, waiting to get to my destination. These are the moments when I scroll through my Facebook comments, view all my friends updates and envy the ‘fit’ female bodies seen on Instagram.
It is often said that “Comparison is the thief of Joy”. It robs people from seeing their own value and personal progress. It’s a natural part of who we are – obviously. We don’t know we are short unless someone is taller than us. We don’t know we are poor, until someone is richer than us. The other day, I didn’t realize how ‘unfit’ I seemingly was, until I viewed all these online images of extremely fit women.
I didn’t take into consideration that most of them didn’t have kids, were sponsored athletes or professional bikini competitors. I didn’t research if they had a demanding job or was closing in on their mid-thirties. Yet even if they did have/not have all that, I didn’t think about my daily efforts, which was truly the only thing I should’ve thought about. I didn’t think about the 2 miles I did run despite only having 30 minutes to leave the house or eating well most of the time despite cooking for a family of five and attending 3 events in one week.
I didn’t consider that my A-game has changed since I was a young 20-year-old girl who worked in a gym environment, had no children, lived by myself and could dictate my daily schedule. My ‘perfect’ version of myself is what works for my life 365 days a year. This includes a few glasses of red wine, a handful of dark chocolate, a couple nights of little sleep and a day (or three) filled with some stressful energy. I may not have a rock hard six-pack or separation in my leg muscles. I may have some lingering pockets of fat around my lower back and bra strap.
I may not represent the 2% of women in magazines who live and breathe their job to be fit, but I proudly represent the 98% of women who try the best they can living in the daily demands of work, children, friendship and marriage.
My body reflects a woman who is balancing herself to be in her best shape 365 days a year…not just for a photoshoot or contest – but for my sanity, my energy, my confidence and my health.
At my photoshoot on Saturday…photo taken by my eldest son.