This was not an easy shot to take.
Firstly, that’s a tough stretch.
Secondly, I’m balancing on a bosu ball.
Thirdly, I am pressing a camera button.
Lastly, and most importantly, I trained after a long day and little sleep at 9pm.
When I competed in the past I didn’t have a serious income. I was living at home with my parents. I didn’t have children. I had money I could use for travel, fashion and supplementation. I had incredible amounts of time and I could sleep as long as I wanted…
That is not where I am at today – which is why I am STILL on the fence about competing in late January. I am thankful for the kind and encouraging words of those who think “I can do it!” – especially my husband and good friend Dave who think I am capable of competing and placing with my physique as is right now. The truth is, however, that I don’t feel good about my physique. I don’t feel good about my inconsistent diet, my irregular sleeping habits, my stressful schedule and my lackluster workouts.
Committing to putting yourself on stage requires a level of dedication and focus. I think I could probably compete well with one child, or two – or maybe if they were older – or if I didn’t work…but right now, with all my responsibilities, especially during the hectic month of December, I feel like I can’t focus. I can’t dedicate myself.
Most serious competitors have a lot of support and rarely have a family of their own. They also don’t work outside of being a fitness trainer. They usually have a supplement sponsor and depend on fitness for their livelihood and financial stability.
I am not that person.
Here’s some insight into competing in fitness/figure/bikini, if you don’t know what goes into those tight images you see in photos…
- They usually train twice a day. In the morning performing cardio for 30-45 minutes and again later in the day to perform strength training and cardio again.
- They often weigh their foods ensuring they receive a specific amount of macronutrients in their diet.
- Many work with a trainer (not all) who manage their diet and exercise routine.
- They consume protein shakes, fat burners and other supplements to fuel their award-winning physique.
- They probably focus on quality sleep because that is when the muscle rebuilds and the body rests.
Now that you know what goes into preparation, these are the reasons why I doubt myself NEARLY every day.
- I had a cheat meal the other day. While my two youngest were crying non-stop, I felt the emotional need to self-soothe myself by eating a slice of cake I baked for Gabriel’s first birthday.
- I could only perform AM cardio twice this week – and it only lasted for 30 mins. Every morning I have to ask myself whether sleep or training is most beneficial – sometimes I ask myself if laying in bed just to smell my baby’s skin while he’s sleeping is most beneficial! Most often, the baby wins.
- I don’t count my calories. I don’t even know what I ate when I finished the day. I DO make sure I eat throughout the day and don’t go hungry but I don’t write my diet down like I used to. Writing down your diet is key in order to reflect and make changes as needed.
- I eat fast food a couple times a week. YES, you heard it. It’s not the bad stuff though. I frequent a Jack n the Box next to my mother’s house and always order a chicken fajita pita with no cheese. It’s around 300 calories and pretty healthy – if you discount the possible amounts of sodium and how the chicken may have been processed. I posted about ‘healthy fast food options’ in the past and I was practically demonized for even eating fast food! During contest prep this is definitely a ‘no, no!’
- Last night while giving them graham crackers I ate one. I know, it’s just one, but it’s not on my diet. I’m sure other people who are serious about competing wouldn’t have eaten it.
- Right now I am incredible boggled down with work. There is not a part of my day that isn’t efficiently utilized to write an email, make a phone call, clean the house, wrap a gift, write an article, update a budget, create a flyer, etc. I have TWO businesses on the horizon in January and am trying to budget, plan and market for it. I also have a free Family Transformation bootcamp with my nonprofit coming up early next year also.
- I don’t have any ‘me time’. Me time is really just me laying in bed doing absolutely nothing. It takes approximately 4 minutes for my kids to run up the stairs once they realize they can’t see mommy. I could leave the house, but there are limited places I would go. I used to go to Borders, but they closed. I should find a coffee shop, but it’s often difficult since I don’t drink coffee. Above all, leaving the house would require my husband to be home. Which he rarely is.
So because of all the above reasons, I am having an incredibly hard time committing. I keep telling myself just to focus for the next four weeks….and to be honest, I’m still going to try and focus. (I don’t give up on anything easily)
I just don’t like to half-a*s anything.
The truth is, if I wasn’t ‘trying’ to be in incredible shape, I still try to perform cardio in the morning, avoid carbs at night and attempt 8 hours of sleep.
So it’s Friday morning as I write this. I just had Chobani yogurt and cinnamon pita chips (not part of diet but within my macronutrient profile). I plan on working out in 20 minutes. We are leaving for SF at 12 for a wedding at 3pm. Tomorrow we are finally shooting our Christmas picture at 10am, then my husband’s brother is coming in with his girlfriend (I am in cleaning sheets and room mode now), then I have to admit a new resident in my carehome, then we have a dinner with his family that evening. On Sunday we have church in the morning, then a Christmas pageant for the boys, then a tour at my other carehome – and on Monday it’s Christmas Eve! Our tradition is to celebrate Christmas on Christmas Eve… (which makes me nervous whether I bought all my gifts yet? I DO know I haven’t bought anything for my husband – and I’m sure he hasn’t either. Unfortunate/Fortunate but that’s how our marriage works.)
So – will I be strutting in a bikini later in January? Who knows…all I know right now is that I break every rule when it comes to contest preparation. The real question is, can I break the rules and still place?
We will see…