I don’t like regrets, but I have a few in life. As I look at my scarred, numb and deflated breasts today, I regret ever thinking they weren’t good enough. I fell into the insecurity trap.
I remember the day I made the decision to augment my breasts clearly. I didn’t research. I never thought about needing or wanting it before. But, when I was told it was something I “had” to do to win – I did it. Without question.
A part of me died that day.
For years after I struggled with binge eating, Bulimia, Body Dysmorphia and Depression. I felt disconnected in the objectification of my body.
While uncomfortable, it took years to remove them…I became pregnant multiple times, built businesses and traveled often. Those are all Excuses, though.
The truth is, I was still scared and insecure.
I was stuck in the social media world, where fake physiques are rewarded, “liked” and valued. I feared my husband’s opinion. I liked how I looked in clothes and swimsuits. I was vain. And I own that.
Lao Tzu once said, “you will only get better, when you’re tired of being sick”. It wasn’t until I couldn’t stay awake throughout the day, when the chest pressure increased and when the flutters in my heart started appearing – when I said enough is enough.
I’m sorry for my presence – for unconsciously normalizing an unnatural body standard, not expressing my challenges with body image and not being strong enough to unfix this years ago.
I hope my vulnerability will encourage you to love your body and to value spirits that love their bodies too. I hope you know that all the filters, body altering apps, fillers and fake body parts will not make you more beautiful than you are right now.
You are beautiful. You are enough. You are valued. You are prized. You are “liked”.
Thank you for being with me on MY journey knowing that yours may look different and still, that’s ok. We are ok.