Last Monday, I received a call from my surgeon’s nurse that a cancellation popped up and asked if I wanted to take it. I’ve been waiting for weeks for a scheduled ileostomy reversal as I’ve been feeling pain at the resectioned area of my colon for some time. I thought it was because of the trauma of the surgery or even phantom digestive pains. I emailed my doctor several times requesting a surgical date and when the opportunity came, I said yes and in less than 24hrs I was on the operating table celebrating the last procedure of my Stage 4 cancer journey.
Prior to this moment, I was battling my world. From the moment I woke up from my tumor removal surgery in late December I felt like I needed spiritual protection. I experienced stress no human should have to endure while trying to save their life. I can write paragraphs on who did what – but the truth is – they know what they did. Deep down, unhealed people know how they showed up or didn’t show up in the lives of the people they love. They repeat unconscious cycles to protect their sense of self and refuse to see how their actions negatively affect others. We are all mirrors of each other and until we wake up to the pain we cause, we won’t change. The only way to heal is to feel our emotions and consciously embody its power.
And I feel it all right now. I am shocked, angry, confused, and tired. My sons are upset but resilient. I can’t stand longer than a few minutes before rushing to the bathroom. I feel intense pain from both my colon and the new cancerous polyp they found in the exact area they resectioned. Outside of removing my entire bowels, surgery to remove this is not an option. Chemo doesn’t guarantee survival, and radiation destroys everything around it. All western approaches fix the symptom/tumor and not the root, which is why a weed will always reappear if you don’t pull it from where it came.
There is no guaranteed cure for cancer.
However, as I greeted my pain in my ass (literally) once again, almost as if it missed me, I understood with gratitude why it came back. It wasn’t the fish that needed healing, it was the bowl it was swimming in that also needed cleansing. I often wondered why despite being young, healthy, positive and meditative, cancer chose me. Until I realized it wasn’t just the food I eat, the vitamins I ingest or the filtered water I drink, it’s the unseen, toxic energy found in the relationships surrounding me, that wasn’t healthy. The energy assaulted my character, created smear campaigns, called me names, manipulated stories, manufactured lies, ignored my feelings, stole my identity, expelled my children…
Despite the amount of incredibly hurtful things experienced, here was my faithful body, catching all the cancerous energy and encapsulating it from the rest of my cells. I unconsciously held onto it because like all trauma bonds, you attract things that are familiar to you, even though it hurts you. In this awakening, I’ve had the delicate balance of keeping my eyes and heart open even though it was hurting, every day. I had no idea what my capacity for love was, until I experienced so much pain and still had love left in me.
Similarly, I had no measurement of my ability to hope was, until I experienced so much unfortunate circumstances and still had hope left in me. As I seek more strength for this Stage 4 cancer journey, I know the amount of power I have will not be assessed by what I can hold, instead, it will be defined by the amount I’m able to release. Surrender is the new Strength.
Cancer teaches you. It immediately shows you all the truths and lies you manufactured in your life. It shows life patterns, personal cycles and blockages in health, love, wealth, and joy. As I reconciled through tears and talks with God the last several days, I knew I needed to start sharing more through my vessel while my spirit is still here.
So, it is time – to intentionally live out my purpose before being called home. Thank you for all the prayers. I truly need it. God is always good.
35 Comments
God bless you Maria! You are an inspiration.
This isn’t fair or right! Herbal remedies please! Have you tried them? Please text me I can give you information to someone that was able to cure this with natural remedies. Please don’t give up! 7277358984
Maria, I am truly sorry to hear that!
I have silently followed you and witnessed all the amazing things that you have done. Knowing that you are suffering and hurting physically and emotionally hurts me as well. I admire you as the wonderful human being that you are. I am also a health and fitness enthusiast and I share a love for butterflies-I learned this from one of your posts.
I will find your email you and send you a few anecdotes about butterflies and hopefully they will give you some peace.
I will keep praying for you and for God to cleanse your temple – your body – for you don’t deserve to go through this.
Also, I wanted to share this with you, a few years ago I used to translate brochures, manuals and all kinds of documents for City of Hope – Expert Cancer Care:
City of Hope®’s mission is to make hope a reality for all touched by cancer and diabetes. Founded in 1913, City of Hope has grown into one of the largest and most advanced cancer research and treatment organizations in the U.S., and one of the leading research centers for diabetes and other life-threatening illnesses. City of Hope research has been the basis for numerous breakthrough cancer medicines, as well as human synthetic insulin and monoclonal antibodies. With an independent, National Cancer Institute-designated comprehensive cancer center that is ranked top 5 in the nation for cancer care by U.S. News & World Report at its core, City of Hope’s uniquely integrated model spans cancer care, research and development, academics and training, and a broad philanthropy program that powers its work. City of Hope’s growing national system includes its Los Angeles campus, a network of clinical care locations across Southern California, a new cancer center in Orange County, California, and cancer treatment centers and outpatient facilities in the Atlanta, Chicago and Phoenix areas.
Knowing how dynamic you are and how hard you fight for your health and well-being, you have probably already looked into this, but if not, here is their website. https://www.cityofhope.org/
Praying for you!
A Powerful Prayer to Defeat Cancer
Heavenly Father,
Mighty Healer, Divine Creator,
You are the source of life, the giver of breath, the author of miracles. Today, I come to You with a heart full of hope, a spirit clinging to faith, and a deep need for Your healing touch.
Lord, cancer has invaded this body — this temple You so wonderfully made. It tries to steal joy, health, peace, and life itself. But I stand in the truth that You are greater than any diagnosis, stronger than any cell gone rogue, more powerful than any fear.
In the name of Jesus, I speak healing.
I rebuke every cancer cell, every tumor, every pain and complication. Let it all wither and die at the root. Let strength return to the body, clarity to the mind, and peace to the soul.
Wrap Your arms around those walking this path — the one fighting, the ones caring, the ones praying. Bring courage when they are weary, hope when they are afraid, and joy even in the small victories.
Lord, whether You heal through medicine, miracles, or the mystery of Your ways, I trust in Your perfect timing and unfailing love. Let this journey be a testimony of faith, a witness to Your glory, and a reminder that even in the darkest valleys, You are still God.
We claim life. We claim restoration.
We claim the power of healing that flows from You alone.
In the mighty, matchless name of Jesus —
Amen.
You are this amazing human being, Citius, Altius, Fortius – Faster, Higher, Stronger than any evil-intentioned human being.
Hang in there, you got this!
Gina
In the midst of hate, I found there was, within me, an invincible love.
In the midst of tears, I found there was, within me, an invincible smile.
In the midst of chaos, I found there was, within me, an invincible calm.
I realized, through it all, that…
In the midst of winter, I found there was, within me, an invincible summer.
And that makes me happy. For it says that no matter how hard the world pushes against me, within me, there’s something stronger – something better, pushing right back.
Albert Camus”
Bless you. I’m so, so sorry you’re going through this. I will lift you up in prayers and admire your courage and grit to fight this horrific, ugly illness. I’m truly sorry.
Aww man. You and your boys will always be in my prayers. Keep you faith. By God’s graces you will be fine. So will your sons. You’ve done a great job teaching them to be good Men. Their faith and belief will help support them.
Dear Maria,
Please let me know if you’d like me to do some Reiki on you. Energy is all around us, we’re energy, allow me to channel some through you as I’m a vessel. You’re in my heart ❤️
Oh, dear Maria I am sos sorry to hear that cancer came back. I wish you cure and health, strong will to continue to live for yourself, for you kids for people who were touched by your bright spirit. You are a beautiful person and kind soul. I wish to embrace you. I am sending only positive energy and best hopes for you.
Hugs and prayers to you and your boys during this difficult time. I am so sorry!
The Goodness of God is with you, my Dear! I can only pray for your strength and peace and May your walk with God be fruitful and May He meets you exactly where you need Him the most! Amen 🙏
Hi Maria
My heart aches for you and your family I will keep you in my prayers
What an amazing outlook. I dont know that I could continue to be so strong and positive if in your shoes. It’s really inspiring. I will be praying for you, from my little farm in Michigan. I don’t believe your job here is done- you’ve got this! Please continue to share if you feel up to it. You have many people who care.
Prayers for you and your family at such a difficult time. I hope your boys surround you and continue to show you all the love you deserve ❤️
Maria, thank you for sharing more details about your journey. I know you will find the best path for you. I have gained so much through your writings and experiences. Sending you lots of love and prayers.
I am so sorry. You are a fighter and your story is such a blessing to us you share it with. Fight on girl! Will be praying for you.
My prayers are with you Maria. May God ease your pain and despair of this cancer in your body. May the Holy Spirit guide the doctors and nurses in your care. May your sons and your family continue to support at this time you need them the most. God continue to heal you and rid your body from cancer. We pray.
I’m so sorry sweet Maria. You don’t know me. But I have popped in and out over the years. I just want you to know you are a beautiful person and your writing really touches me. If you ever need anything I am here for you. we are on this journey with you. My Prayers are for you and your family.
Sending you lots of love and healing energies. I believe in you Maria. I really believe you can heal through this.
I started following years ago when you got so much crap for the picture with your boys after getting into amazing shape and showing it off in a bikini. You looked amazing and you didn’t deserve the negativity.
I too have stage 4 cancer. Mine is metastatic breast cancer which up until 2 weeks ago was only in my bones. New scans revealed it is now in my thyroid and liver as well as 2 lesions in my brain they can’t confirm are cancer quite yet. I just passed 7 years since my original diagnosis last weekend. This is a scary place to be. I have many days when I just breakdown. You are such an inspiration to so many. And I truly believe our stories need to get out so that people have a better understanding. Not only for what we go through but so that they know what they need to look for so they may catch theirs sooner. Sadly we have to be our own advocates. Drs. failed me for 3 years with my original diagnosis and I’m angry about that. But rather than live in that angry place I chose to live my life to the best of my ability. To enjoy each moment I’m given and to not forever be angry (which would be so easy). I just want you to know that you matter and I appreciate you telling your truth, as hard as that is.
Maria
Thank you for a being a light for Christ and sharing your journey. Prayers for you each day as you live the life Christ has called you to. I try my best to teach my child that easy is in the Bible and God knows what he is doing in our lives. May you find comfort in knowing that you are planting seeds that may have never been planted. You are loved, strong, and most of all a child of the most high God. XOXO
I am so sorry to hear that it came back. I will continue praying for another miracle. I am crying my eyes out My eyes are full of tears as i write this message to you. In disbelief that it came back. Stay in prayer stay connected with God as you have been and keep those that love and truly care for you close. God will take care of the rest. Continue fighting like the warrior that you are. We all that care for you will be praying for you. I came to care for you even though I don’t know you in person. I am a great admirer off the strength you show thru IG! Love Yoly🙏🏼❤️
Are you strong enough to do a full water fast for at least 21-28 days? It may give your body a chance to repair and purge out damage cells and regenerate new cells to fight your war. I wish you well and will pray cancer leaves everyone alone.
Thank you for sharing your story. Praying for Divine intervention about your health that God will heal you from head to toe, inwardly and outwardly. Stay strong Maria. I pray God speak life into you in this journey to be a testimony. To send angels to surround you and protect you throughout. Continuing to pray for you on your behalf. In Jesus Mighty Name.
Dear Maria,
Thank you for sharing your journey and experiences. As I read through your post, I can only imagine what you’re going through.
I’ve had experiences that brought me face to face with some of the most terrifying emotions a person can endure, moments of pure, paralyzing fear. It took years to begin recovering from those experiences. Even the mere thought of them used to pull me right back into those dark days.
It wasn’t until much later that I realized I could survive. I was being surrounded by entities, not just negative energies from people, but actual dark entities that feed on fear. They stir emotions in people to provoke reactions, because those reactions are what sustain them. This isn’t something I read about, it’s something I lived through, over and over again.
These entities still visit me from time to time, trying to get a reaction. That same horrifying energy surrounds me when they appear. But I don’t react anymore. Instead, I bless them or send them to the Light, or I imagine bringing them light. In doing so, the fear dissolves. Fear still shows up in other ways, but now, when I become aware of it, I know what to do.
I once believed I had suppressed all my emotions, the result of a dysfunctional family and a lonely, painful adolescence. But recently, after a somewhat traumatic experience, those emotions came flooding back, sometimes suddenly and intensely. For months now, I’ve been feeling everything. Memories keep surfacing, and what I remember most vividly is not what happened, but how I felt. As strange as it may sound, I’ve come to understand that life is not really a sequence of memories, but rather a sequence of feelings or emotions. I’ve come to understand, in a way, that we’re not really going anywhere. We go to different places, yes, but we remain the same people, always searching for distractions to escape the feelings we carry day after day. We rarely stop to truly feel them, embrace them, or heal them. Instead, we move, we distract ourselves, and we forget, but those feelings don’t disappear. They wait, until we’re ready to acknowledge them. The memories that keep resurfacing have helped me realize how often I was physically present in one place or another, yet I never truly felt at home anywhere.
Emotions are energy in motion, constantly shifting and, more often than not, out of balance. Aside from fear, one of the most intense and destructive emotions is anger. In your post, I sensed moments where anger was present. From what I’ve come to understand, cancer often manifests from anger—not the kind that’s been expressed, but the kind that’s been buried. It’s better to let anger out than to keep it in, but even better to heal it.
Just like with the entities—if I blame them, I give them power every time they come. But if I don’t engage, they lose that power. As Buddha said, if someone offers you a gift and you don’t accept it, who keeps the gift?
We are energy first and foremost. We move through different frequencies all the time, but we return to our energetic baseline. What matters more than what has been done to you—intentionally or not—is how you respond to it. That’s where your true power lies.
You can heal those energies. You can bless those feelings. If you “see” them with your own energy—your awareness—you’ll begin to detach from them. You’ll become untouched by them. If not, they attach to you.
Bless those who have caused you pain, grief, or sorrow—with your whole heart. By doing so, you’re not just freeing them; you’re freeing yourself. This is one of the hardest things to do, because part of us wants justice, wants “payback.” But trust me, justice comes in its own time. That’s not your burden to carry.
Scream, cry, yell—get all the repressed anger out of your system. Every time you feel someone has hurt you or is still hurting you, that’s your opportunity: embrace them with unconditional love. If you can do that, you are also embracing yourself in unconditional love.
You’ve probably heard or read this before—we are all one. Oneness, experienced through the illusion of separation. But at the highest level of awareness, we are still all one.
You’ve had a wake-up call. You have a choice: to leave or to stay. If you decide to stay, give it everything you’ve got. Heal your emotions. Let go of the anger and resentment. That kind of healing only happens when you can think of someone who once hurt you and feel no trace of resentment, only perhaps gratitude, for showing you something you didn’t realize was inside you.
Keep going. Keep fighting. Heal your heart. Let the Spirit, the Light, guide you, surround you, and move through you. And as you become one with the Spirit, embrace those you must let go of, so that you, too, can be free.
I’ve been following you for years, always inspired, often moved , educated and touched by your words… Cancer has imprinted itself on my own families life and the journey is not an easy one .. Sending much love, strength and courage to you and your lovely sons from me and mine here in Ireland x
Maria,
I have followed you for over a decade. We have communicated and at one time I asked you to be on a board of a different t organization that I served. You have been a beacon of light for the health and fitness community and now I believe that God Almighty – Jesus the King – is asking you to be a beacon of light for Him. Your faith that you speak of so often is what I know sustains you in this valley. I am so encouraged by your journey and while it has been brutal – terribly brutal – the God who sustained Joseph in prison – Shadrach in the fire and Paul in his shipwreck – will sustain you and I believe heal you. This I pray for you right now. And I pray that you will proclaim the name of the Healer when you are in the other side. I know you will. Praise Hod for the inspiration that you have given so many!
First of all, I want to say God bless you! One of the things to realize is it might be cancer but it is not your cancer never take ownership of that. Our heavenly father has the last say not doctors. And his word says by his stripes you are healed and made whole. You were healed over 2,000 years ago it may not feel like it now but you are healed. We must walk by faith and not by sight. We also have to put our trust in God and not doctors because the word of God is the most powerful thing that exists. I am so sorry for what you’re going through and I cannot imagine what you’re going through. Stage 4 cancer is not too hard for God. My sister had cancer a very long time ago and doctors told my mother to prepare for her funeral. My mother did not trust the doctors she stayed in God’s word. I’m thankful that she did because I would have never met my sister she would have died when she was 5 years old. My sister is Now 49 years old with two beautiful boys and a husband. If my mother would have trusted the doctors and accepted death she would have died but she didn’t she trusted and God’s word. My sister is my best friend and I am so grateful for my mother’s faith in God. So I hope you are not giving up. This is not God’s will for your life God wants us to live to 120 years old and honey it is not your time. Here are some scriptures that my pastor Bill Winston told us to do if we are sick and watch what God does. 1 Peter 2:24 seven times in the morning afternoon and night. Romans 8:11 seven times in the morning afternoon and night Isaiah 53:5-7 times in the morning afternoon and night. These scriptures will build up your faith and you will start seeing the manifestation of your healing. So God bless you and please keep walking by faith!
Sending prayers and love Maria. I have followed you for a long time and I am sorry you are going through all of this🙏🏻🙏🏻🩷🩷🤗🤗
Maria, I have been following you for years. This makes me incredibly sad to read this. I just wanted you to know, I have taken some valuable things away from you throughout the years, and your cancer journey is not in vain. I am continuing to pray for you for your spiritual health and your physical health. God bless you, and I hope you find comfort in the Lord at this time. Many of us are watching and reading and learning from you.
I am so sorry to hear this. I have stage 4 colon cancer and an ileostomy as well. Honestly, I think I will keep the ostomy permanently rather than having to deal with bowel issues again. I’ sure you will figure out what is best for you and I will keep you in my thoughts. 🙏🏽
My dear sweet friend Maria. Your faith and resilience is so awe inspiring. I am grateful to you for being so open and so honest because it is a lesson for all of us. We all can learn from this and try to heal together. My continued support and prayers for you and your family. We will stay by your side and support you always.
I’ve been following you since what I would assume is the beginning of your fitness journey in the public eye. I was so happy to see all of your posts of a mother of three taking such good care of yourself, and certainly your children. But the world has so many bad actors full of hate. So many of them do not think of others as humans with feelings, but instead think of them as things in their lives to benefit from in any way possible. So, I can’t understand the amount of BS that you’ve had to read in your many posts over the years, but I’ve seen enough to get the idea.
On a happier note, I used to tell my long time girlfriend (28 + years now) that I wish my daughter had some of your energy. My daughter has 4 children but she never had the motivation to eat right or excersize… Its hard watching a family member live a life like that.. The grandchildren are all doing well.
Anyway, I am grateful for all of the motivational stuff you have shared over the years. I hope that things turn out as good as they can under the circumstances.
Thank you, again, and thank you for sharing..
David Ayotte
Sending you love, prayers and faithfulness. No words for all you have endured and still continue to. Love TK your boys and I pray for you all to have the support you deserve.
I am tearing up. I cannot believe people would be so damaging. The energy it must take to even read their crap. Your beautiful, hard truth message spoke to me and I thank you for that. I pray you are well loved. That your true friends came out to not just be there for you but your boys as well. I’ve been struggling. I’ve had fear . This is not about me it’s about your words that spoke to me. I sit on my couch everyday watching movie, documentaries and movies I probably not watch. Thank you for years of being an example to everyone….to me. I love you and don’t even know you.
In the name of the resurrected Jesus, whose I am and whom I serve, I rebuke all spirits of fear, evil, darkness, doubt, illness, and confusion that tries to approach Maria. I render them powerless and command them to leave. I loose the peace of Christ, the joy of the Lord, and the presence of the Holy Spirit over Maria, over every room, every person, and every corner of her place. Lord I pray that you would heal her like you healed me. I declare psalm 91 and Jeremiah 30:17 over Maria for she is your beloved annointed one. I know you are faithful to keep your promises father God. You are the great Jehohvah Rafa! We stand in your victory and are healed by your stripes. We will not be shaken. We give you all the glory, all the honor, and all the praise. In Jesus’s almighty name I pray, Amen
I am not good with words, I am sad to hear that the cancer is back. Sending you hugs and prayers Maria.