July 10, 2006
This past week I took a vacation from myself…I stopped. I stopped everything
A few months ago I wrote down new 5 year plans – and created smaller time frames and strategies. While I’ve been excelling each day professionally, physically and personally: I still had a lot of ground work to do with my internal fighter. 2 things happen when you start goal setting: you build a desire for it to come ‘alive’ – and you build a frustration should the short term goals not happen timely. Your ability to forecast, reflect, re-strategize and adapt to new changes in plans is what will steer your ship in the direction it needs to go in order to get ‘there.
While I jogged or biked every day, I didn’t step foot in a gym. I didn’t write in my nutrition log, I didn’t wake up with a plan – I just lived each day with no expectation of what each day would bring.
And I will be honest. It was hard. Some days I’d wake up with an acute depression from knowing that I had to ‘discipline’ my mind and body to not want to train in the gym, workout twice a day, eat 5 small meals – even making arrangements to meet friends and casually drink or snack took self control to ‘relax’ and really ‘enjoy the moment’
It takes a special discipline to be set free and not want to fly anywhere.
We are creatures of habit – we set ourselves up in an unconscious routine everyday. We often do things without thinking, and while successful habits give birth to successful results…lately, due to my compulsive drive to train, work and live harder: I needed to simply stop. I needed to stop what I was doing.
As repeatedly mentioned in prior entries: ‘stopping’ what you are doing: whether it is an act or way of thinking, ultimately allows you to gain a higher perspective of who you intrinsically are. Stopping creates a mental discipline to find what thoughts and actions are taking control over you on a minute to minute, second to second basis. Stopping also allows you to isochronize with your internal ‘rhythm’ inside of you…the you whose spirit moves faster than light itself. And just because there was a physical break in your routine, doesn’t mean you haven’t evolved: by allowing yourself to ‘break’ you’ve ‘re-fueled’ and become ‘whole’ again.
This week was the first time I:
– Worked out every day outside of a gym environment.
– Played miniature golf
– Ate a grilled chicken sandwich with a close friend (I usually eat salads)
– Ordered a hamburger at a restaurant
– Sampled a small piece of a new biscotti ice cream bar.
– Celebrated with my close friend, Minji Wong’s apt. downtown on the 4th of July.
– Worked out with Louis (alternating between treadmill and stability ball while watching the first Pirates of the Caribbean)
– Visited Mill Valley (I have the project lead in opening a new club there)
And while there were many things I had done for the ‘first’ time – by mastering my mind (vs. controlling daily activities) I was also able to observe new things when experiencing some old habits – I learned new tricks after I re-read my first book purchased after becoming a personal trainer years ago. I prepared new actions plans after I re-calculated my basal metabolic rate, target heart rate and energy expenditures. I walked at the beach a lot – rode my bike more and spent a lot of time alone…trying to come to terms that while I was ‘free’ to do what I want, without the discipline and routine of my daily life, I felt trapped in a mind that was having a hard time living without my personal application of continuous pressure.
As I rode my bike home tonight I realized that while I have taken the same route many times before – each time is starkly different from the last. It just takes careful realization of the small differences that changes each moment….to appreciate and love the uniqueness of the moment itself.
This week as I eat my morning breakfast and stretch after my daily workout – after I finish another conference call or re-read my bedside book….I know that while it is a very ‘routine’ act, by separating myself from ‘myself’, I can better appreciate and revere these small acts for what they essentially are: a unique and special moment in that will never, ever, happen again.
A popular quote states, that if you want to change, something has to change. This week I realize more fully that life is continually changing. What really changes is when you stop and the storm of life rolls over you…and you lie motionless at awe of life’s presence consuming everyone who lives routinely without ‘thought’ in their words, their actions and their motives…..it stampedes and aggressively moves past everyone – everyone but the conscious, and formidable you.