April 4, 2011

When I close my eyes and think about what I miss most in my youth, I think about swimming.

Today while I lay in the sun in the backyard, I reminisced swimming with my girlfriends in junior high school tumbling and talking about boys. When we first moved to Sacramento, I swam so much that if I were to post a fifth grade picture, you wouldn’t recognize me because I was so dark. Swimming was cathartic for me because it was the time I utilized to day dream and envision future goals. Funny that swimming is my first thought since David encourages me to swim nearly every time I complain about my back pain before heading to the gym. I, of course, decline because I don’t like being half naked in an indoor, public pool and I don’t like getting wet if I can avoid it.

Every summer we swim nearly every day because David’s daughters love the water. Watching them reminds me of myself when I was their age swimming, diving, tumbling and enjoying the weightless feel of your body in a pool of water. And as I watch them, I also wonder when the excitement to go swimming will start waning.because it will, unfortunately, when you grow up doing fun’ things begin to redefine itself.

I catch myself sometimes especially these past few weeks when my back is aching and my stress is elevated I catch myself not living life with passion, vigor and excitement. Today as I sat in the sun while my boys played in the backyard, I felt tired, bored and unmotivated. While I always have things to do, most of what I’ve been doing lately has been operational. Sure there are new parties I attend, new events I plan and new business opportunities I create but I feel sometimes underwhelmed with my day-to-day life. I blame this dissatisfaction on lack of short term goals. Last year I had a baby, started a business, turned 30, and got married. Whenever you experience a thrill ride of several highs, it is very natural to get down to a low point again. This reasoning is why people experience post-partum depression and any depression after a significant event takes place in one’s life.

When I was younger, it used to take me a couple days to recover whenever a close family friend came to visit for a few days.  After I competed, it would take me weeks to re-wire my brain to not think about preparing for something because the competition had already finished. Even after traveling I have a hard time settling back into a routine. It’s natural for your life to exist like a roller coaster ride. The higher you rise, the lower you fall but the lower you fall, the higher you rise. The greatest artists of our time understand this intimate concept, for many have delved deep into depression to deliver brilliant artwork and music.

Understanding the dynamics of your life rollercoaster is key to accepting your positions in life….because they are always changing. I’ve always thought deeply, I’ve always worked diligently and I’ve always lived decisively. I‘ve had many ups in my life but they have been equal to the many downs in my life. What has carried me through these tumultuous times has been creating an environment where I am moving, thinking and being in flow’ with my life’s course. Exercise does that for me. Writing does that for me.and in the past; swimming had done that for me.

I don’t ever want to lose my excitement for life but at the same time I don’t want to create wasteful events such as drinking alcohol, eating heavily, partying hard or watching mindless television just so I can focus on an unnatural high. Being around nature swimming’ in it is being in flow with your being and your life rollercoaster. I want to set goals, prepare each day and work towards achieving ambitions because experiencing a focused activity is a real, natural high.

Journal Pictures: April 4 2011

Here are SOME photos of our wedding from Eye Connoisseur photography.
We were driving to a new location and our photographer, Andre,
was searching for perfect leaves to take this shot. WOW.

Our photographer advertises this specific photo now and gets
tons of inquiries! People don’t realize, these leaves aren’t fake!
If you are looking for a great photographer in Northern CA, click HERE.

This was taken during the reception. I absolutely LOVE this photo
of David. He’s so handsome. To check out more photos of our wedding, click here

Here are just a few of our “Trash the Dress” photoshoot

It was a dirty, dirty, dirty day! David actually went
paintballing for his Bachelor party! So it was a treat for him to
see me with a gun.