March 16, 2022
I’ve been seeking small pauses in my life. They aren’t big, normally they last for one second – but it’s the moment when you realize you are in transition, aware or in auto drive. I will give you some examples…
When I fall asleep at night, or while I am dreaming, I am aware when my consciousness shifts and there is an energetic wave enveloping my body and brain preparing it to go into a deeper slumber. It feels like a magic potion, after all, when you are asleep, your mind and spirit is in a different dimension.
Another example is when I listen to people around me speak. I ask myself: what are they saying? Why are they saying it? What is their intention behind their voice? Does their actions match their words?
I am witnessing me speak. I am more aware of my impulsive and automatic nature to take credit for things, complain or be repetitive. The need to receive external acknowledgement has been a challenging endeavor as this physical world makes many of us naturally competitive. After all, how do you know if you are rich unless someone is poor? How do you know you won, unless someone loss? How do you know you are a good cook, if you haven’t experienced a bad cook?
Our world is based off the illusion of duality…meaning, you can’t be two things that ride on the same spectrum. This belief that we are not the same, is what causes friction, division and separation.
Why would we seek happiness in someone’s unhappiness? It sounds logically obvious, yet we do it unconsciously all the time.
I am seeing the gaps.
I see people who are self-proclaimed spiritual teachers, but are judgmental.
I see the wars and our anger towards them, yet we don’t see the internal wars we cause and the hurt, trauma and sadness we create on a personal level with the world around us.
I also see the seekers and the spark of light when conversations of being human, looking for enlightenment and purpose behind this short life existence surfaces.
I see the emotions – everywhere! People are excited, nervous, happy, peaceful, annoyed, scared, angry, frustrated, celebratory, challenged and more.
I see myself…waking early daily, tidying up her environment, running her businesses, serving her family, loving her dog, working out, listening to podcasts, reading books, meeting with friends, dancing to great songs, meditating at night and asking herself….WHY. Why am I here? What am I meant to do? I can’t be alive just to perform a daily routine and do it all over again the next day? What am I designed to do? How has every moment in my life led me up to moment?
I am a witness to my world and how my energy creates a ripple effect around me. It is only through awareness when I can see the impact and know that when I’m consciously acting, I am consciously creating a result. It is through this practice, where I master my destiny and determine the direction of my life. I am seeking the pauses, the gaps, the moments between moments…
And I’m still letting go.