June 1 , 2011
I’ve been inconsistent about updating this site. No surprise since my entire life for the past couple months have been marred with inconsistencies. I don’t exercise regularly, my eating is sporadic, my schedule is volatile and my emotions are unpredictable. While I naturally despise a routine-life’ it is in fact my small routines that keep me sane on a daily basis.
An Acupuncturist treated my chronic back pain today. When I say chronic, I mean it’s been continuously hurting for the past two months. I walk around with a heating pad strapped to me most of the day. I perform yoga, I see a chiropractor and a massage therapist on a weekly basis. I’ve contained my workouts and have found even lightly running causes back irritation. I don’t know what the cause isit could be dancing in heels or performing an overhead barbell squat two months ago.
I don’t know but what I do know is
My body is tired.
After three pregnancies in three consecutive years, I’m realizing that the stress is taking its toll both physically and mentally. Of course I think I’m superwoman and that average laws of nature don’t apply to me and to a certain degree it doesn’t. Since I was little I was always a little more vigilant, more persistent, more aggressive, more ambitious and more durable than the person next to me. Yet when I’m lying on my heating pads experiencing excruciating pain after taking two Tylenols, I’m acknowledging that maybe I’m getting ahead of my superpowers
Because right now everything feels overwhelming. Even though some days are spent entirely with the kids at home, other days I am running around completing work errands. I detest working on paperwork (which it seems I have a ton right now) and I’m irritated updating budgets and paying bills. While these are all normal’ things I do every month (especially at the end of the month) what makes these tasks more difficult is the ongoing physical pain I feel.
For the first time in years I read Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff from my bookshelves. I haven’t touched that book since high school but I felt a need to go back to the basics. I needed to uncover the simplest life lessons again. I knew I was snow-balling’ my problems; often allowing one thing affect another, then another. I also knew that I wasn’t living in the present moment, for I allowed future concerns worry me constantly.
I knew I needed to get back to the basics. Usually when my mind is clouded with worry or anticipation, I think about what could possibly make my life happier at that moment? Would I be happier if I lived in a bigger house? If I had my favorite frozen yogurt? If we took a vacation out of town? Would I be happier if the kids napped longer or if could take my favorite kickboxing class?
After analyzing all the what ifs’ I always come back to what now?’because the truth always reveals that no matter what changes externally, nothing would change internally unless YOU change. In order for our physical world to change, we must first change our world from within.
And so I started praying more. I do it most often at night when I’m lying in bed next to Nicholas and breathing in his sweet breath while lying on my heating pad trying to avoid reading phone messages.
While beside him, I calm my mind I thank the Lord and I pray. Every time I connect with God again I feel like I’ve missed him even though I make daily gratitude’s. However, even though thanking God’ is a part of my daily routine loving God is my daily religion. In order to love, you must recognize his presence and be in tune’ to your presence as his creation. Being in tune’ requires a daily silence similar to the silence experienced in meditation and prayer for it requires you to calm your mind, remove your worries and control the ongoing information filtering through your brain. Through meditation and prayer my pain ceases. That is the only time my pain ceases
Christian loved the pony ride at the Chili Festival
Waiting for the choo choo train at SF zoo
They loved the zoo
My handsome little man
They love swimming. I’m 11 weeks preggers here.