I’ve been dealing with a small small depression. I don’t know if it’s the hormones in my body or what, but I feel sad constantly.
I have a great life, I work from home, I’m not dealing with any financial issues, I’m not overweight, I have a loving family – and yet…I feel sad? Ever since I was little I go through these feelings here and there. I never enjoyed monotonously living without thinking or doing things that create significance in one’s life. I’ve always despised routine. I yearn for passion…and when I lack it…whether that be in my relationships, my work, my life….then I get…
Yesterday morning I started crying. I don’t know why, but tears started falling. David was with me and encouraged me to do things ‘he knows’ makes me happy. He named off, “Go update your website, walk Tiger, go to the gym, read a book….” While all those usually provide some comfort in my life, I knew that it wouldn’t take me out of the sad spell I was in. In twenty mins I had go attend my mom-me club. While I enjoy the club and I love getting the boys out – I really don’t like going sometimes. I don’t like going because sometimes I hate being the leader. I know…I know…but it’s true! Most of my life I’ve lead and sometimes I just want to follow. I don’t want there to be more expectations by my presence. I want to expect more from the people around me. Interesting I say this because even though I SAY this, when it really gets going, I can’t help but take over things!
Anyways, I ended up going to the club and I decided to run for the first time in two weeks. I’ve been avoiding it because of my back issues. It felt great. I loved it actually. My heart was pounding, my legs were fatigued but I absolutely love the addiction I get when I feel the happy hormones run through my body. I had great conversations and connected with the world again. I felt great.
Whenever I get sad, I usually reach out to friends. I call them – connect with them. Most often I get out. I exercise, I walk – I go to the backyard and do some yoga. It always makes me feel better.
Movement always makes me feel better.
Physical movement is one thing…professional and personal movement is another. When I get sad, I re-evaluate what’s making me unhappy or happy and I go THAT way. There are a lot of things I’m thinking about in terms of planning of more stable financial future so….
In terms of my pregnancy I feel so so…I ate a lot of candy yesterday (bad me!) and I ‘blame’ it on my crazy kids. They didn’t take a nap yesterday and I was seriously fatigued ALL DAY LONG. Candy seemed to be the only thing that made me feel better. I’ve gained maybe 2lbs. I’m around 10 weeks along.
My tummy is definitely not lean. I feel like there’s some fat on the surface, which drives me nuts. You would think I would be used to it too! But I’m not. I will never get used to getting fat! Even if it is for a long term good cause 🙂
Goals this week is to:
– train every day whether it be big or small
– drink a lot of water
– say more prayers
At the chili festival.