I hate being negative.

Maybe it’s because I’m usually THE positive person to most people – especially the people I coach and mentor. Right now two of my care home facilities are on a weight loss plan. My first facility has lost so much weight! I’m sooo happy and proud of them. Both of the females in that facility were plateauing for a while – but it took 2-3 weeks and now they have gone far and beyond that annoying number on the scale that refused to move! Very inspirational.

My second facility is on week one and have done well as expected. A couple close friends are on a fitness plan and doing well…

My babysitter, a woman who I met through my mom-me fitness club, is doing really well! I decided to start training her once a week beginning on June 1st. There is a fun back story because  I haven’t been a personal trainer for over ten years. While it’s great money ($80/hour), I’ve never felt like my time was ever worth the effort it took to train someone. Sure I would spend an hour for free with my mom-me club or at my nonprofit, but the reward was different. I didn’t need money to be there – I just enjoyed helping groups of people.

BUT, when I noticed my babysitter was trying to lose weight and wasn’t getting the results, I told her we can do a trade. She can babysit the boys once a week and I would train her once a week. To be able to spend quality time with my husband once a week was the perfect trade off. I never felt the desire to personal train again until I found something that was worth the effort. Babysitting!!!

She has been averaging a 3-pound weight loss/week. This is amazing for her. I couldn’t be more proud.

So here I am – amongst a bunch of success stories. I tell people what to do. I write what to do. I talk about pushing your limits, being disciplined, focusing on your future and setting goals…

…and then I look at myself and feel frustrated.

Let me start by saying that I think I’m being incredibly hard on myself. I’ve always been hard on myself. My third son will be six months old on Monday and I’m trying to get a six pack. How funny and weird and crazy am I to push myself like I do….sometimes I ask myself, “for what reason?” After all, I have the rest of my life to be in incredible shape. I’m in great shape right now, but I can always be in ‘incredible’ shape in three months, or four months or by Gabriel’s 1st birthday. So why do I push myself so hard just six months after giving birth?

You see – I’ve never had much time to lose weight in-between pregnancies. I usually got pregnant again within the 6-10 months post-giving birth. I did a great job, obviously. I lost all my weight the first go-around, plus 10 pounds more. I lost all my weight the second time, plus 10 pounds more. Based on my last two pregnancies, I will be at my post-Gabriel weight within a seven month period.

We are not planning on getting pregnant again – of course, you never know. We leave that up to God in many ways – but our goal is to have three boys and THAT’S IT! He has been recently talking about wanting a girl, no surprise because his baby talk usually starts when I get around this weight anyways! Seriously! LOL

So will that happen this go-around?

I don’t think so – but you never know. I’m still 7 pounds away from that goal weight of 125. My scale isn’t moving much. I blame it on several things:

1) My body is stressed because it’s sick. My house has been plagued by sickness from the kids for over a month.

2) Because of the sickness and a young baby, I don’t sleep well at night. My body is stressed and lacks routine. I wake up 2-3 times a night.

3) My digestive system is out of whack. I’m constipated. I know you don’t want to read about this but it’s important to make your body a ‘machine’ when you’re trying to lose weight. You should be eating, sleeping and sh*ting at the same time every day.

4) My diet is an 8/10. I SHOULD write down what I eat. After all, I tell everybody else they should – and yet I don’t. I don’t because I forget….because I’ve done it for years and I’m bored with it…because I eat the wrong foods!

5) Speaking of wrong foods – I really should be eating more vegetables and less carbohydrates at night. I should be eating salmon and asparagus or chicken salad.

6) But then, I STILL don’t eat that ‘bad’ even when I think I am. “Bad” is a handful of goldfish crackers, fruit or the crust of a pizza. It’s still not technically on my ‘diet’ so I should avoid it.

But then I ask – why should I be so strict?

So here’s my dilemma:

1) I’ve plateaued – making me frustrated and making me ‘cheat’.

2) I’m making excuses (like I’m not THAT bad six months post-baby, why am I so hard on myself)

3) I need to figure out what’s wrong with my digestion. That’s a huge piece of the puzzle that’s preventing my progress.

4) I need to have a better routine…once the boys get better and the baby starts a better routine again, then I can sleep better and have less stress.

5) I need to eat more routinely. Sometimes I wake at 630am and my first meal isn’t until 10am. Sometimes my source of protein is protein shakes all day (with carbs of course.) This MAY be one of the reasons I have poor digestion.

Speaking of digestion:

Your digestion is so important and I will one day write an article JUST about how your poop should look like. For me, when I’m stressed, my digestion is the first thing to GO (literally!) I get constipated. So when I read about how to have better digestion and the article says “Exercise fiber, drink more water, blah, blah, blah, blah…blah”, it makes me annoyed because obviously I do all that. My issue has always been my STRESS. You have no idea how much stress plays a role in your body. It’s seriously the silent killer.

I can tell I’m stressed based on my digestion. I know people who get yeast infections, acne, cold sores, when their stressed! When you focus on your fitness and health constantly you really become intimate with your body. You know it! For me, I can tell I need to sleep more and relax. So for the past couple week I’ve been really lax about my diet. I exercise but only because it’s very routine for me. I’m not being hard on myself….I just want to get back to ‘normal’.

I got my period unexpectedly this morning. I was scheduled to get it on Sunday. I have a perfect 28-day cycle so this was a big surprise. However, it’s not that big considering I’m stressed. See what I mean?!

SO this is a long post. I usually don’t know what I will write about until I’m done writing. I also know I think things better when I ‘write it out’ and allow that process to help me reflect. This weekend I have a birthday party, a night out with the hubby, Father’s day and an article due. (so much for stress, right!? LOL) On Monday I plan on focusing on routine.

That’s my goal. Focusing on meditating and praying. Focus on routine in my work, sleep, eating and workouts. I want to start WRITING down my diet and having a healthy 5 meals a day that includes lots of vegetables.

Wish me luck! …..and a good night’s sleep.

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