unpretty ruminations

October 8, 2007

October 8 , 2007

I have this big, blue project binder that gets heavier and heavier each week.
At any given moment, that binder is somewhere 20 feet around me for it
houses all my projects, timelines, updates and brainstorming ideas. If
I could symbolize why I haven’t been able to post in the last 2 weeks,
I would put that binder, my cell phone and the genetic DNA strand in my
genes that represent persistence.

A single day represents a different scale in my minds attention. In 30 minutes I could be
responding to emails, listening to a business podcast, and waiting for
my toe nails to dry as I eat my breakfast. Driving to a destination
represents an opportunity to touch base with friends, listen to an
audio book, eating a snack and applying makeup at stop lights. Yet
when I attempt to write, I have to discipline my brain and zoom in on a
target focus without multi-tasking in any action. I have to be
painstakingly present in this moment in time.

And so.  I am here.

I never know whats going to spill out of my brain when I update each
week.and most often; it takes a good 30 minutes staring at a blank
screen before I even begin to write a decent sentence.  However, once
the flow of the activity washes over me, a whole new paradigm of
creativity conquers this moment of blankness.

In the last 2 weeks of un-journaling, Ive been discovering facets of myself that has been interesting.
though Ive experienced huge strides in my professional, personal and
physical goals these past couple weeks, in the process of attaining
life perfection, Ive also witnessed a lot of imperfections: 

– I have a witty persona, but sometimes my humor can be easily misconstrued as arrogance.

– I STILL have a hard time being in groups of people for long periods because I don’t conform well to their status quo.

– I question things a lot and sometimes rub people the wrong way with my curiosity

– I tend to judge situations without adequate humility

– I often bite off way more than I can chew and fail to place attention to details

I’m nowhere close to being the woman I should be, especially in the eyes of
God. Each experience and every person teaches me more about what
strengths I need to develop in order for me to reach that mystifying
future vision I perceived as a young child.

The more we climb towards lofty goals; we will equally see more
perspective behind us and more challenges before us.  Sustaining
internal balance regardless of how much strength you’ve acquired in the
climb is a key element in the idea of growth.

You cant grow if you don’t RESPECT where you’ve been.
You cant progress if you don’t DISCOVER more of yourself in the journey.
Lastly, you cant advance if you fail to SEE your natural human tendencies to possess un-pretty qualities.

It takes just as much courage to look at yourself truthfully in the
mirror as it is to battle against people of little faith.  Courage is
not an action; courage is spiritual state of conscientious awareness
which therefore drives you into action.


Journal Pictures October 8, 2007

Thursday night watching Danielle get her new belt!

Proud Grandpa!

Congrats to a beautiful house!

My soon-to-be Brother in-law, Edgar!

The cute couple.

German Chocolate Cupcakes! Isn’t it ccuuutttee!!??

haha! I thought this was soo funny.Thanks David for helping me brainstorm.

Cheesecake! With my good friend Stephanie Wong.

They had a black jack and roulette table. It was sooo funny gambling.

Brian and I ran into a carnival while driving around Sunday night. I
urged him to stop so we can ride one of my favorite carnival rides as a
kid: The Zipper!

This is the last smile I saw on his face. Poor Brian lost his stomach
after it was over. But! It was SOOO much fun!

I had tears rolling down my eyes from laughing. I’m just playing around
with that paradox in my facial expression.