September 18, 2006
One of the things writing has always assisted me with: is processing my thoughts and feelings. I’ve had a diary ever since I was in 1st grade and continue to have a personal diary, dream journal, work planner, fitness weblog and personal website.
One of the reasons why documenting events, feelings, plans and reflections is important is because by looking back, you can also look forward and naturally feel the presence of ‘right now’ and your personal strength and ability to forecast and steer your future.
More privately, my documentations have assisted in my short bouts of depression. While I don’t like using that word because of the negative connotation that aligns with it – I do think that admitting this not only allows me to overcome these battles and heal, but it helps other’s realize their battles and heal as well.
Today while I was in the field, some of the employees mentioned that I ‘always looked happy’ and never seemed to have a bad day – but what they don’t know is that I get pensive often, I feel drained in my thoughts a lot, and the biggest reason why I smile is because seeing them makes me sooo happy.
Whenever you experience an acute depression, as I mentioned in my fitnesscure mission statement, you’ve got to ‘take action’. By moving you start to create a motion biologically and progression psychologically. I decided to get in the car and visit places and see familiar faces. When I began aligning my spirit with other beautiful spirits, I felt ‘connected’ again. Each one of us not only needs to feel connected to nature, but we also need to feel connected with other human beings.
The human condition is often overlooked…and the fact that regardless of who you are: beautiful, ugly, rich, poor, fit or fat…we all experience a level of ‘purpose-less’ in our lives. We all experience a sense of ‘mortality’ and ‘dis-connection’ around us. In a world where images and ideas can make you feel less of yourself, I realize today, that it’s so important to merge with others so you can see more of ‘yourself’ because a piece of you exist within them…and a piece of them exist within you.
We are all connected at a deep, metaphysical level…and what your eyes see others have seen. The feelings you endure, others endure. And when you ever feel an acute sense of dis-engagement from yourself…know that today I felt that. And I understand.