February 12, 2009
It’s 3:21am and I can’t sleep. After taking a short nap with Christian lying
peacefully on my chest, I awoke to feed him and couldn’t go back to
sleep since then. After proceeding to clean and organize the house, I
still feel a jolt of energy that is prohibiting me from going back to
bed just to lay and stare at a black wall.
Interestingly, it is exactly 5 weeks now since I gave birth to Christian. Around this
time 5 weeks ago was when I first started feeling intense pressure in
my lower region, which resulted in an emergency surgery for internal
bleeding. I think about the birth experience quite often actually.
While it was a long, stressful week….it was also the most miraculous moment of my life.
I think about when we first saw him crowning before birth. I think
about when I first heard him, felt him…saw him. I think about the first
couple nights spent with David at the hospital; both of us amazed,
fatigued and totally engaged with the little baby in the room.
I love to daydream about that time in my life.
It’s interesting how life passes so incredibly fast. I knew when I was
pregnant, that as soon as I gave birth, the remembrance of me and my
big belly would soon fade.
And it has.
However, the trauma of the birthing experience still lingers inside of me both physically and emotionally.
It was tough: I’m still bleeding, my back is still incredibly sore, I
still take some pain killers and I still have some weight to lose.
During my earlier post-partum days, I would uncontrollably cry for no
reason. Even these days, I get so frustrated with all my errands and
work obligations as I feel my energy is being dispersed too much.
Most women rest for an entire month before getting back into action, I however, never feel like same rules apply. I will be completely honest: one of the worst decisions I made in the last 5 weeks was attending my grandfather’s 80th
birthday celebration the day I got out of the hospital. Christian was
only 3 days old and I hardly had 3 hours to rest in-between coming home
and arriving to dinner. I never wanted to
mention that because I didn’t want anyone to think how crazy I was and
yet it was crazy! While I accomplished my goal of paying homage to my
lolo, my body regretted it the next day.
Withina week post-partum I was already instructing C.O.R.E. club workouts and
attending to work duties. In fact 6 days after returning home I had two
articles due. I don’t know how I did it with a newborn, no sleep and
lots of pain but I did.
However,there are times like thesetimes when I am sick in bed with a 102
degree fever as I was this weekend when I wish I had slowed down.
In my past, I used to work on a time clock that was fast-paced, continuous
and constantly moving – now, with the baby, things have to change. Things
have slowly transitioned and at this humble moment, I’m realizing
more how I need to adjust not just my life but my mental approach to
Life will always present a new variable to further positively modify our way
of living. We will endure pain to appreciate what is pleasant in life.
We will get sick in order for us to slow down. We will have a child in
order for us to understand what existing is all about.
Life is change.
Journal Pictures: February 9, 2009
Christian is now one month old! Look at how big he has become!
The first shot of him is a few days old…the second shot is 4 weeks old!
Baby Christian looked sooo cute in his little duckie bath outfit!
Aren’t the little slippers adorable?!!! awww!
At Boryna and Terry’s place in the bay area on Friday…
While Boryna and I chatted all night, David fell asleep with the baby…and
their vicious dog
My good friend Brian was in town! He came in for a day to see his family.
(he moved to Washington state) We were so happy to see him.
My one month shots! I started eating cleaner last week –
it’s not perfect but it’s getting better every day.
Follow me on my fitness blog here.