August 19, 2008

August 19, 2008

Like everyone sometimes I wonder if this is the life I was meant to live.

These past two weeks I went to Mississippi and spent some quality time with Davids kids. We played in the park, painted pottery and swam at the beach. When I initially first met David, I was definitely surprised he had kids. I have never dated anyone who was divorced with kids.  Since my heart had always been open to adoption, I wasn’t derailed by his past. I also knew in my heart that love was unconditional, unselfish and understanding. I am not perfect and neither was he…realizing my humility allowed me to know him more and become more endeared to his passion.

David married at 20 years old
after a very short courting period. He spent 9 years in the Marines and a couple years in private security in Iraq. After a car bomb that left him with only 5% chance of surviving, he endured after getting punctured by a piece of metal in his brains left hemisphere. In the last couple years he re-learned how to walk and talk again. Last year he had cranioplasty to adjust his heads symmetry.

I initially fell in love with David through deep, philosophical conversations on life and love. I was intrigued by his life experience
and respected who he was as a person. For the first time, I began looking at someone through my heart and not just my eyes. I looked into his soul and not just his symbol.

For the first time in my relationship career, instead of asking myself, how can this person serve me? I asked: “How can I serve this person?

Love is not about getting its about giving. Its reaching a point when you lose a piece of who you thought you were to unselfishly
re-define yourself to fit with another person. Love is about two spiritually becoming one. Its about losing your self interest and your personal ego for a union based upon a perfect love, a love emulating Gods love, which is unconditional and
This is not an end result  – loving someone is a continuous journey towards self enlightenment.

In our journey, being an imperfect human, I have definitely battled my personal ego. Naturally, I had envisioned things in my life being a certain way. I became challenged with not being his first wife, not having his first child etc. I felt that my efforts in preparing myself for marriage were not matched by the same preparation. In my darkest moments I felt like I was his second choice, while he had been my first.

There is a powerful truth about life.

You will always attract someone who resonates with your energy field. Often there is no rationality behind the pairing of your chemistry – for David and I, my rationality was overshadowed by a light brighter than my human senses.

Love has no logic.

You cant choose who you fall in love with but when LOVE stands in front of you…you can choose to walk away.

David taught me that.

Every day I make a conscious choice to love him as he chooses to love me each day.
Tomorrow morning I’ll recommit myself again, just as I will every week and every year of my life. Life is a choice and everything that happens was meant to happen.

I know without doubt, that this is the life I was meant to live.

Journal Pictures August 18, 2008

Getting ready to surprise Angel for her birthday.

My little sister is a quarter of a century old!

About to go out to a nice dinner with David. This is my belly shot at almost 20 weeks!

Check out this super, cool, new park. It has a dog park, a
skateboarding area, basketball, baseball diamonds, 4 different
playgrounds and a fun barbeque area.

At the kids soccer game on Saturday morning. I’ve been babysitting them all week!!

I spent all day at the “White House Faith Based and Community Initiative” conference. I was soo tired!

5 months! My belly’s always bigger at the end of the day.

Who can make a bigger smile???

Latest ultrasound Isn’t that crazy?? That’s growing in me!!

Money shot! It’s a boy!