May 1, 2007
This past couple weeks Ive been feeling a deep sense of discomfort. I
am in a new life routine, getting involved in new projects and settling
into new relationships with peers.
I have taken responsibility of mentoring kids, training my dog and
directing elderly fitness activities. I am absolutely unsure of my
ability to motivate and positively influence these new groups of people
in my life.
However, these
new challenges have definitely caused me to become more reflective as
to who I am and what I need to bring more of when I come dine with
others in this life table.
In 2 weeks I will be leaving for New Zealand. While I am
very excited, it also causes some anxiety for it halts my desire to
begin progression on my new life ambitions. What I have decided to
commit myself in these last 3 months is exactly that: a 3 month plan.
3 months from now I will have traveled, finished my present commitments
and undergone a redefined journey as a result of this new tangent life
has presented me with.
I dont know what Im doing. I dont know where Im going. I dont even know why my journals continue to interest anybody.
Im undergoing a huge life shift right now and its so hard to manifest
into words the new lessons found in a world so detached from what I am
routinely good and skilled at living in
All I know for certain is that while I tend to get lost in deep
thoughts, depressive feelings and insecure emotionsI know that all I
have to do is lock my eyes with someone who truly loves me and the fear
of this world immediately dissipates.
Last year I wrote: The Real Mirrors in this world are in the eyes of the people that love you and lately, Ive been repeating that wisdom to my family, friends and even myself often.
People who love you dont see all the negativity you seethey dont see
the flaws you feel you possessthey dont see all the shortcomings you
hold on to
People who love you see the God inside of you.
The truth is who we are is a culmination of the energy in those we
choose to be around. Studies have found that the biggest indicator of a
childs success is not in their economic standing or parental guidancea persons success is almost directly correlated to the supportive group of friends they entrust to develop and grow with.
This past week I began reaching out.
I tend to be very strong willed and independent, but this newfound fear
has made me become humbled by my need to be in the spiritual company of
people who loved me and emanated love in their words and in their
actions. These recent challenges made me realize how much I needed the life force I spoke so highly about earlier this year
These recent battles made me humbly reach out to those who saw my light
reflect back from their eyes I needed to search deep, look up and seek
out , in order to overcome the darkness that ate at my soul these past
weeks.
Thank you to all those whom I love and care so much about. You are my heroes.
Journal Pictures: May 1, 2007
A Loving Breakfast for me! Healthy Cottage Cheese and Fruit. (I didn’t eat all that fruit!)
I recorded a new podcast with
the motivating, Sandra Augustin! We discussed competing in different
fitness competition associations, the industry, female issues and her
Hero Challenge coming up in Sacramento!
I went to the park with the kids!! I love, love, love them. That’s our shadows on the swings!!
They build parks with climbing walls!!! No more seesaws??! I loooovee being an auntie!
I finally got over getting flowers ‘because they die’ now. I appreciate their short existence.
Aren’t they preeettyy!!! That’s a picture of me and my mother. I love her too!