“What if?”

January 29, 2008

January 29, 2008

I’m lying in bed with a thermometer in my mouth as I type. I feel chills, fatigue, muscle soreness, pain and congestion. My fever is slowly declining from a 101F to 100.5F, which makes me anxious as I hope it goes further down in an hour, the time in which my kickboxing class begins.

My persistence is an ongoing, laughable tale which I actually relished in yesterday as I drove around swearing because I couldn’t find my niece and nephew’s karate class. As usual, I packed my schedule with ‘things to do’ not considering traffic, stoplights or road delays.

I don’t like to discuss all the negative things that seep into brain because most often, for once I allow it to plant itself into my physical reality….it starts growing and becoming a negative weed.

Today, as I laid in bed sick – frustrated with my inability to concentrate and lack of laser focus, I indulged in depressing thoughts about how things didn’t quite turnout the way I expected to in my life…

I was scared I was losing touch of all the things I dreamt about when I was a little girl. From the place I would live, where I would work, when and who I would marry and what I would be doing at 27 years of age.

These are times we must remind ourselves that our lives is ‘a choice’ and that we are masters in our power to institute our greatest gift… the ability to have free will to choose and be whoever we want to become. Our mind is the master of our body and our body is the master of the physical world we exist in.  We are giants every day, waking and moving in a path directed by the voices in our own minds.

We have a choice:

–           to either move up or down

–          to live actively or to die passively

–           to grow or to rot

Universal law teaches us that once a seed is planted it will grow…regardless of circumstance, there is a path this seed will take dependent upon the genetic and divine composition of what it was given.

And while I pondered “what if’s” in my life, I also knew intuitively that had anything changed, everything would’ve stayed the same in my life…for it wasn’t a matter of ‘if’ but ‘when’ I would grow…and I would have either started a nonprofit business, met my spiritual partner, moved back to Sacramento and even gotten sick… sooner than later.

I am 27 and I’m proud to have taken on these challenges sooner.  I’ve always pondered ‘destiny’ versus our control over  our future…and I realized today,  that we’re given choices to spiritually mature faster or slower, to either feel pain and pressure now or later…to be who we’ve wanted to become right now or after we indulge in a negative spiral of bad thinking downwards.

Like a plant, we are all seeds, reaching towards a light for growth and experiencing bad weather to make us stronger in this world. In the end, our divine nature will manifest and we will realize that the only thing we feared was our truest nature to be strong, alive and beautiful.


Journal Pictures: January 29, 2008

I’m on my 3rd week on my diet/fitness workout! I’ve been losing a consistent 2 lbs/week.
Check out my fitness journals here.

My Auntie Linda and my cousin Catherine is in town from the east coast.
Check out their Volkswagon dealership in Virginia!

After church, we all gathered for Mexican food!

Frozen Margarita’s, Seafood Enchiladas and Chips with Salsa.
I LOVE Mexican Food!!!

With my friend, Janelle Haney at her new gym, Powerhouse, in Rancho Cordova, CA.