The Love Jar

April 13, 2010

April 13, 2010

It’s Tuesday. After a weekend of storms, the sun is brightening up the morning sky while I’m sitting in my home office staring out the window as I type my first few thoughts on this new day.

My expected due date was yesterday. David and I are both in disbelief that a little one is supposed to arrive any time now. After all, these past 40 weeks have been filled with traveling, celebrations, work and more work! It still seems I have a couple months left; in fact, most people are surprised when I tell them I’m full term.

I don’t feel anything yet though. I’m still sleeping on my back, I’m not feeling terrible contractions, I’m not swollen and I’m not tired. I’m not doing anything to induce a labor either. Every day I’m still clearing out my work list waiting for the last few moments when I can sit around, enjoy being pregnant and literally veg out’ with no thought of anything but our newborn baby. I’m also trying to cherish the last few moments I am sharing with just the three of us.

The other day I spent some time with a former high school boyfriend who happens to also be my first Love. We were together for almost three years before I decided to move closer to my college campus at UC Davis. For several years we didn’t communicate. Many years later we re-connected again through emails and were able to develop a deep friendship based upon mutual respect and understanding. At that time I was undergoing a lot of personal challenges and hard transitions. Simply out of nowhere, he came and provided me with the understanding I needed to cope with my problems. After all, he knew me then and he still knows me now.

Today he is going through some challenges and I feel blessed to be one of the people he can release that weight upon.  In my deep conversations with David, we’ve talked about love, life and people we’ve lost’.  In the past, I felt like each person takes a piece of you, giving you less for the next person you love whether that be less passion, less desire or less tolerance. After all, life experiences most often leaves people to become more cynical, not more idyllic.

But then life surprises you.

For the people you connect with become a piece of a larger force your past isn’t meant to take’ from you, it’s meant to give’ you more wisdom, more understanding and more enlightenment so that you can journey to become what God has always meant for you to become.

Everything in life works in cycles. Seasons will continue to come, but how we bear (and how we see) the weather is a testament to how we’ve internally developed.

As we wait for the birth of our second son I often think about how I can love someone as deeply as I love Christian.  Naturally, we believe we have filled the brim of our love jar and can’t imagine it over-filling.

But it does.

When you love, you have more love in you…for it spreads, it multiplies, and most of all…it “fills” you. There is no limit on love.


Journal Pictures April 13, 2010

Easter Sunday last week. 39 weeks pregnant..

My mother and sisters. You can’t see my belly here!

This a camera shot of us – he had so much fun that day.