June 3, 2008

I woke up today comfortable in my new bed sheets and unwilling to get up and get the day started.
As I performed cardio after my chest and back routine, I kept thinking about how today would go: I envisioned my focus while writing articles on deadline, I played out the board meeting I had at 5:30, I visualized writing addresses and sending out 60 invitations to my sisters bridal shower, I pictured staying hydrated, eating well and training again later this evening in my Zumba class. I even envisioned writing this journal entry…after a late dog walk and hot shower, I knew I’d be sitting in my new bed sheets at the end of today – wanting to consistently post something before the week preceded

At church this past Sunday, I prayed for peace.

These past few weeks Ive been feeling an overwhelming sense of anxiety, stress and worry. My mind was in constant motion and would not stop until my eyes rested into a deep sleep. I lost motivation to work
out I actually just lost motivation to move at all.

Sometimes, when you overindulge your mind with meaningless worries of a future that has not arrived, you stand frozen with an inability to take a progressive action towards a direction you want to go. Actions precedes thoughts therefore Thoughts must be purposeful and at peace with the flow of your being. If you are not genuinely arriving to your true self every morning when you awake, and every
night before you sleep…then you must change your course of thought.

Last week I prayed to get connected to the source again…I was not in step with my purpose, for I was constantly being misguided by a dark energy that created a strain in my soul. That energy created feelings of worthlessness, fatigue and disappointment. In those moments, I prayed I sat in silence and I waited for the noises to stop.

Today I laughably told David that I’m so busy with commitments to article deadlines, the nonprofit…even walking my dog! In that same breath, I also recognized that I was experiencing everything I always wanted: following my fitness passion, working as a freelance writer, building a
nonprofit, sharing special time with my family and dog…I am where I am because I chose to be where I stand.  Being a writer means experiencing writers block. Being a business owner means enduring continuous working. Even being a dog owner requires selfless caretaking.

Lately I’ve noticed that while Ive always been perennially late to things, I’m now on time for meetings and engagements. Ive also noticed that while Ive always been argumentative during debates, I now back down during tense discussions with loved ones. I’m not extreme in my habits, nor am I too
placid in my ambitions  I’ve refined my life balance

And now, I am happy.

Thank you for reading. God Bless you.