May 17, 2010
I haven’t been updating lately for the obvious reasons
I have two kids, three jobs and lots of deadlines. Besides the obvious, I’m not updating for other reasons
I’m tired of going through my list of things I need to do have to do…and want to do. I don’t want to write about thinking positively, taking action or understanding life’s cycles. I don’t want to be inspirational or motivational. I just want to BE.
Right now I’m at a point in my life where I’m moving so fast that it’s hard to sit and reflect.
Right now, there are a range of emotions that filter through me that it’s difficult to pinpoint how I’m really feeling.
Right now I don’t feel like writing.
But I am.
Years ago I compiled my first year of online journals into an online eBook titled, BE. I haven’t read it for a couple years and am amazed at the amount of depth I was able to evoke from inside my heart and mind. Even today, I’m always surprised when looking back at past journal entries and realize I was the author behind some of those profound writings.
And in these years of self reflections while I say today that all I want to do is be.I realize as I type right now that that’s all I have been doing. I’ve been being …existing…reflecting…and living.
I’m trying to discover each day why I am here. Why I should be motivated to take an action any action in the right direction. I’m trying to understand ME.
But in this continuous life process, I feel like I’m getting lost in the busy-ness’ of my life. I feel like I’m getting lost while tending to two small children and running my business’. Sometimes I look in the mirror and look so tired, I don’t recognize the woman staring back. My hair is often messy, my body is pudgy and my usual smiling face has been replaced by an unremitting occupied’ look.
In these moments, I think it’s so important to stay grounded to remember the seed that created your life’s tree.
When I reflect by expelling a journal entry each week, I ground myself.
When I watch my children as they fall asleep, I ground myself.
When I pray and thank God for my blessings
I ground myself.
I’ve been feeling lost these past few weeks by today and each day after, I’m working on finding myself again.
Journal Pictures May 19, 2010
Laying out with my sons in the backyard. Nicholas was hanging
out on my lap while Christian was enjoying being part
of my chest exercise in the air!
At my nonprofit’s field trip to Peak Adventures at Sac State
on Saturday. I bring Nicholas everywhere I go.
My little, itty bitty man. He is one month now!
At my nephew’s birthday party later that day. I love my family so much.
They fell asleep after a long Saturday! So cute.