good intentions.

September 2, 2008

September 2, 2008

As I lay in bed, almost every morning, I spend some time feeling the baby kick inside of me.
In the beginning, they were soft, little thumps, however, this past
week, they have felt a bit more forceful. My belly has gotten a little
bigger, but I still don’t feel like Ive totally popped yet. My
stamina has gone up though and last week, I actually felt a
tremendous urge to go sprinting outside.so I did.

This past week was also Davids 31st birthday.
We spent the entire day together, which began with a big, homemade
breakfast, a Greek lunch, a game of tennis and a surprise dinner with
the family. While he knew my family would attend, he wasn’t expecting
his uncle, aunt, cousin and friends to also be there. It was great to
see him so happy. This was very different from his 30th birthday last
year for he spent the entire day by himself, taking photos of an old
cemetery. David loves history and especially enjoys talking about gold
mining. So naturally, I loved seeing his face as he opened all his
presents, including the Srubs sixth season DVD, gold pan and metal
detector I gave him.

After a long weekend of celebrating a 50th birthday, panning in Gold country, and shopping
for new furniture we ended the weekend at Sutter Davis hospital,
where we toured their birthing center and asked ton of questions on
natural, water births. The hospital is 40 minutes away and I
most likely wont be using my regular doctor, but the way I see it: I’m
the one giving birth, not the doctor. So I need to be comfortable and in a trusting environment.

Life has been a recipe of busy-ness, mixed with anxiety and sprinkled
with tons of crazy hormones. The other night, David surprised me with
yogurt topped with sliced almonds.

While I love yogurt, I was hoping he put yogurt chips as topping. I
don’t have cravings or morning sickness, and even though the majority
of my weight is in my belly, I am still particularly sensitive about my
body changing, especially that night he brought me yogurt. His
failure to get me yogurt chips made me feel like he was monitoring my
food intake. I don’t deal with outside control easily and am already
challenged with the lack of regulation I have over my own body.
Consequently, this small incident over yogurt chips, escalated to a
full blown argument, that ended with frustrated tears.

After our squabble went full cycle, he stared at my glistening eyes and childish pout and said, Do you really think its my intention to hurt you? To ever make you feel bad? And at that moment I knew that he would’nt and that my feelings were only justified by my personal insecurities.

Most often, people don’t intend on hurting someone.especially when they genuinely love you. There is a reason behind every life challenge, and through the discomfort, you discover something new about your inner self. The
days of feeling wise, insightful and reflective seem to have waned with
the new world I’m now existing in. Now, I’m relearning, renewing and
reviving my life philosophies. As I continue living, I know challenges will continue to change and disrupt my external nature.

In the end however I hope I will leave this world in the same way that I entered it

With a mind so innocent, so new and youthful.a mind which believes in
the good intention of all things and the ability to remain steadfast in
my internal faithfulness regardless of the external environment.

I pray that I will always have a pure outlook on life…an outlook we often lose as we develop in years lived.

On Saturday I will leaving for India and won’t be able to post until September 17th! I’m very excited about going on my annual, international trip! God Bless.

Journal Pictures: September 2, 2008

This little cup caused quite a stir….LOL!