February 2, 2010

I have 10 more weeks left I can’t believe it! The baby loves to wake me up at night and move rapidly inside my belly. Christian often grabs my tummy and notices its large appearance. I feel excited, anxious and nervous about the birth of our son Nicholas but my most overriding feeling is the need to settle all my projects before he arrives.

In a few hours I’m attending a Fitness without Border’s board meeting where we will be discussing a large, upcoming jog-a-thon fundraiser in late April as well as current school programs. In addition to my nonprofit, I also have employees and interns to hire, a few grants to complete, a business that needs six solid clients and monthly articles I need to write beforehand and file in the event I have no time around April and May. Instead of preparing for a baby, I feel like I’m preparing for business to halt (but still move) for at least a two week time frame while I’m absent.

There have been times when I’m eating an apple, applying blush, talking on my Bluetooth and driving to an appointment – when I realize how much I’ve become my mother. She’s always been incredibly busy, always on the go and often not taking care of her health in the process. When I was a little girl I’d sit in awe watching her present during group meetings and finalize sales with new clients. She never left the house without putting on her face’ and always looked ready to rock this world. Even when she sat for hours three days a week in her dialysis chair, her energy captured the employees around her. My mother’s ambitious nature is evident today as she recovers from all her hospital stays but still asking me what new business’ she should start. Of course, I told her that her newest project should be called, getting myself healthy project.

In her young memories she often regretted going back to work after each one of us was born. In fact, she had a lot of contempt for my father most of our lives because she felt forced to work.’ But as I reflect on her life and as I reconcile with my busy life today I realize more fully that our circumstances are not imposed on us, instead, our circumstances are actually created by us. She wanted more from lifemore diamonds, more properties, more money, more influence.and she got it. She got it through work and sacrifice.

Similarly, I also want more out of life. I want to be with my sons every day, profit well in my own business, and run a successful nonprofit. I want to be healthy. I want to be a good mother. I want to be a good cook I want to be grateful for each moment. I want to travel. I want to make a difference I want to have a beautiful marriage and an active family. I want to be present’ each day when I have the opportunity to go for the things I want in life.

Knowing that I create these moments even these really busy moments when I’m seven months pregnant, busy with work, stressed with responsibilities and anxious about the ticking baby count down is empowering.

Wanting more requires more of you.

I have learned to work with my life seasons by working really hard when the time is ready to sow, exhibiting patience when things need time to grow, and relaxing when the time is right to reap.

Right now, I’m sowing.