April 25, 2007
I went on an impromptu trip to L.A. this weekend with Spencer. I had the opportunity to meet his family and friends and share special memories with outstanding people. Its always a joy to visit new atmospheres that remind you of what true happiness means: positive relations with others and a loving energy between special people.
Those who follow this site have probably noticed that in the last few weeks my journal entries have been tardy and my thoughts are often intense. (more than usual)
As my childhood history have continued to predict, I am undergoing similar negative cycles, which plague my performance and my perception of myself.
The biggest thought that has clouded my mind in the last few days has been not feeling good enough. I didn’t feel worthy of leading school children, managing mentors, writing fitness articles, or even being around people who carried greater light than what I possessed in these last few weeks.
Besides feeling inadequate, I was also dealing with my natural frustrations when trying to incorporate a new life plan that is currently chaotic, undisciplined and sporadic. When I rewired my whole life a couple months ago, I absolutely knew this moment would arrive and right now I’m dealing with the consequences of my actions.
I’m excited to complete my goals and reach for dreams defined by my own will but at the same time, I’m trying earnestly to not want to routinely live in a past that has died.
I needed to allow the past to die…I needed to allow the future to guide me and I needed to allow the present to recreate me.
Each present moment is a new opportunity to create a new effect. Consciously realizing these contingencies is what makes or breaks the people who steer their own vessel in this lifetime.
Every moment: from the food you consume, the magazines you read, the people you hang around, the shows you watch, the thoughts you think.ALL OF IT CREATES AN EFFECT.
Right now I’m trying to create a new effect – in fact each week when I reflect on past decisions and new dreams I am openly trying to heal. As I close this week’s entry I want to thank all of you for allowing me to heal…for it is this special effort I make each week that makes me come full circle on the depressive thoughts that sometimes consumes my heart..
God Bless all of you this week thank you for reading..
Journal Pictures: April 25, 2007
With Spencer at his grand mother’s surprise birthday party!
I met up with my good friend Tony (whom I met in Rome! He was in town for business…)