July 22, 2009

As I type, I’m in L.A., fatigued from five days of sightseeing, swimming and being sick. On Sunday I began experiencing symptoms of a head cold or flu. By Tuesday I could hardly breathe. While I feel better today, I still
haven’t worked out in over a week and am still not fully recovered from the busy-ness’ I have experienced these last couple weeks.

Since I’ve been gone, I feel a little displaced in my personal, professional and physical goals. Sometimes I feel like I’m right on target other times I feel like life isn’t the way I wanted it to be.

I recently got contracted to run a fitness program for a local junior high school with a 50k grant.
While it’s very exciting, it also takes a lot of prep work and planning. Being a perfectionist, I want everything to run smoothly and execute successfully.  Due to my intense schedule, I haven’t been able to focus on completing program goals or complete a paid article.  That lack of progress is irritating me a ton right now.

I also started running ten miles total each week a little over a month ago. I feel this has definitely helped in toning my legs and breaking me through my weight plateau. However, I couldn’t complete that goal last week, and due to the travel and sickness, I don’t know if I can do it this week. I hardly weight train and feel a lack of focus in that routine as well.

Lastly, I feel like I’m detached from my family and friends. While I’ve see my family during passing hospital visits, it doesn’t make up for the quality time I used to spend with them in my mother’s room just chatting and enjoying each others company. Everyone seems so busy but moreover, I feel so busy with meetings, engagements and deadlines that it’s hard to catch up.

I guess the biggest feeling I have is lack of quality’ in my life. I feel like I’m seeking to experience REAL moments where I feel synchronized with others, the world and myself. I feel like I’m moving
without realizing the reasons behind my movement.

I used to love being busy but today; I yearn for quiet moments for peace and reflection.

The need for quality’ or something real’ isn’t a new feeling it’s a constant and impulsive search within me that I’ve endured every year of my life. I think it exists in all of us, for in every soul; there is a
well desiring to be filled.

I need to pray more.

I also need to smile more.

I probably need to stop looking at the clock.

Or writing in my calorie journal.

But first thing I need to do is pray.

Praying isn’t just memorized prayers…it’s a conscious moment when you clear a busy mind. Prayer is a time when you get connected with not just God, but the God within you.

I usually close my eyes – sometimes I kneel. I talk to God. I meditate. And I ask to be ‘present’ to this moment…and moreover, present in my life.

Besides professional, personal and physical goals….my most important goal is to pray.

God Bless.