October 29, 2007
I have a way I begin and end each journal entry. Ive followed the same routine for the past 2.71 years and have been able to accomplish
heartfelt entries each week and every month. Right now, I admittedly feel as if I forgot how I did it…I don’t know how I
write. I don’t know how I come up with my weekly meanderings about life, meanings, concepts and desires.
In this last month, I felt as if coasting down pensive routes were leading to no written answers. For while I thought I mastered the technique of
expressive writing, right now, I am finding it difficult to articulate how I feel because my past, my present and my future are all bridging a new landscape of hopes and fears –
When I envisioned the woman I wanted to become as a child, who I became at 25 was influenced by social acceptance, parental influence and cultural
expectations. I was trained to be ambitious, live independently in a big city, date, dance, go to happy hours and enjoy life..and while I
did that, love that and still long for that-
That is not who I am today.
Today I am the woman I always knew I would become when I was an innocent, untainted, little girl.
While professional success suffices the superficial soul…there is
something genuine and true that happens when I serve, help and assist
the people I love…
more distinctively, there is something true that happens to my idea of who I am when I am in love with a man.
Like yin and yang
Like fire and ice
Like the moon and the sun
Like the darkness and the light
And like the man and the woman
We can only fully understand the existence of one…when we fully grasp the existence of the other.
Who I am…is a person with a deep seeded desire to service this world with the innate gifts I was born with. It is important to realize that we are all called to do certain things, love certain things, and be certain things, with the gifts that we are born with.
But as a woman…or as a man…I know that our love, our passion, our service, our existence.will only fully shine, when a loving soul causes us to a level of excellence, which effects a shine within us.
The way my future husband protects, provides, guides and passionately loves the essence of what makes me a woman…will define him as a man.
The way I serve, comfort, nurture and passionately love the essence of what makes my future husband a man…will define me as a woman.
Every person was born by the pairing between two different cells that became whole when combined. There is a science behind a union of things
In many self reflections this past month, I realized that while I have an idea of what love is – I didn’t fully open myself to being loved.
This fear stems from personal insecurities, inadequacies…and like everyone, I detest being vulnerable, I’m skeptical about the concept
and I have a hard time trusting the emotional nature of another being
But I am finding trust today, carried by the faith that has led me to this moment in time.
That trust is the belief –
That love heals people…that people heal people…and that without that sacred energy, all of existence wouldn’t be so..
We were created by love We are transformed by love and our existence will always live on spiritually all because of love.
God Bless all of you.
Journal Pictures October 29, 2007
How fitting that this shot was a blurry shot of me making breakfast
with no makeup, hair pulled back and unprepared for a photo! : -)
This is actually not a portrait of nature…this was taken in Picayune, Mississippi!
I was soooo tired on Saturday. (I arrived at midnight the night prior!)
I went to my Christian Fellowship group right when I woke up at
noon…and then headed off to their Halloween party right after.
Although I was tired, I cleaned up really fast! Here is my very good, Catholic friend, Daniel Dizon!
Haha…his teeth were hilarious!
Of course I had to bring something delicious, healthy and fruity! My
sweet strawberries and fat free cream was gone in seconds!
I put fake lashes on him. LOL! He is such a hoot!
They are such a great group of people. It’s awesome to be in the
fellowship of other people of similar faith.
The San Jose, Sacramento and Vallejo chapters came together for this
Halloween house party. I thought this guy was a sumo wrestler all
night…at the end I realized he was actually a Geisha! How funny!
Daniel and I make AWESOME dance partners – he was Joe Dirt!
Say NO to Guns. :-p
Grilled Oysters anyone?!!
Sunday at Marine World I love, love, love, love, love rollercoasters!
My dear friend and fellow writer, Alex, came with me.Thanks so much Alex!!
While I was exhausted, the tickets Spencer bought me were expiring that day.
I looooovvvee rollercoaster! I’ve gone sky diving, bungee jumping, parasailing…
The Stingray reminded me of sashimi. Gross.
Introducing David Casler