Praying for positive outcomes.

December 30, 2009

December 29, 2009

Wow. I cannot believe this year is almost over. It began with the birth of our first son and is ending with the anticipation of our second son.

Life has been busy but quite fast but incredibly frozen. My life these days feel more like I’m going through the motions just so I can get things done. Especially since my mother was readmitted for internal bleeding and was unable to spend the holidays with us. I haven’t been writing because Ive been feeling uncreative and uninspired.

Ive also been out of my routine.

I’m not waking up early. I’m not working out. I’m not eating well or having the best sleeps. Im not checking of my to do list every day or jumping out of bed filled with motivation. Every night I always have a moment of oh crap! when I suddenly think of a task I failed to complete that day.

I just feel like I’m a preparation-whore and these last few weeks have been anything but what I planned for with my mothers sickness, the approaching grand opening of my new business venture and even my new pregnant body is not what I anticipated to experience in the last weeks of 2009. My busy and ever-changing schedule makes me uninspired to plan, which has made me step outside of my life’s routine.

While this period in my life is annoying, I also intuitively know that its essential for my growth. The only way to progress is to get into an uncomfortable state of action and move outside your usual routine.

When I discovered I was pregnant with Christian last year I was admittedly shocked. Not only was he unplanned, but I had a vision of how I wanted every stage of my life to go. In truth, up to that point in my life, I had done a great job of manifesting my dreams on my own schedule. While we were engaged, having a child outside of marriage made me depressed, angry, upset and resentful. I couldn’t see past those emotions and in that time I became acquainted with a new Maria…a Maria who needed to develop a stronger shell, a tough offense and an intense faith for meaning in my new life.

Since then Ive become a more responsible person to my family, to my fiance, to my son and to my community. While we don’t know why things happen..things do happen.for a reason.

As I approach this 2010 with a list of physical, professional and personal resolutions…my biggest resolution is to plan for the best, prepare for the worst and pray for positive outcomes of a life I cannot control.

With Amanda at her Christmas party…she’s my kickboxing
instructor!