One of my deepest wounds.

December 26, 2006

December 26, 2006

I have a ton of pictures to share! So many things had happened in the last week: my little sister, Christine Kang, graduated from her nursing school and will be a practicing Registered Nurse at Kaiser next year. Danielle
celebrated the big “4” at a fun playhouse filled with jungle gyms, pizza and games. And besides the last minute (seriously waking up at 5am Saturday morning to shop), the gift wrapping frenzy and the sugar coma’s that made up these last few days – Christmas was definitely an eventful night filled with everything I expected:  too many presents, lots of desserts, a game of girls vs. boys in which the men all had to sing ‘material girl’ as their losing prize! That was hilarious!

Christmas day I woke up at 5pm (literally) because of the late celebration night before, as well as the constant busy-ness that encompassed my daily life for the last few weeks. Unsurprisingly, I am in hibernation mode and now need to re-fuel after weeks of dispersing incredible amounts of energy.  

This time of year also marks the 3rd anniversary of the ‘moment that changed my life.’ While it appears that I’ve always been focused, passionate, driven and reflective, note that I always have been (smile!) just in different capacities Prior to Christmas 2003, I didn’t write publicly, I wasn’t involved intensely in charities and my purpose in life was not as defined.

Besides graduating, competing, traveling moving, and leaving my family and friends…another important trigger event happened in 2003…one that I don’t talk about at all, but now have the foresight to give perspective to it today.

A lot of the love and passion I exhibit today is in direct proportion to the pain I experienced in the past.  

In order to feel pain, you have to feel love for it is usually the loss of that love that we interpret as pain.  My former boyfriend Paul, recently told me that he once visited my site, and was amazed (but not surprised) to see absolutely no reference of him ever existing in my life but in truth, everything I am today and everything I have expelled literally, has some correlation to the impact he has made in my life.  In the last couple years, I felt referencing him in any manner would be exceptionally difficult for me, for I thought it would expose one of my deepest wounds and I was afraid of it bleeding again. 

Today, I am healed and most importantly, I have forgiven. One of the greatest gifts you can give to yourself and to others…is the gift of forgiveness.

In late 2003, I began the process of forgiveness.

It started with all my childhood adversaries, then all my familial expectations, and then all my cultural pressures – there were moments when I even wrote un-mailed letters to people exposing how much they had hurt me and effected my fears today. Living in a state of forgiveness is challenging. It’s like getting painfully attacked, yet standing up injured and still extending a loving hand. By promoting love and forgiving others, I began reflecting that same gift
inside of me by loving my weaknesses and forgiving my faults.

I would not be the person I am today without having loved him as much as I did. At that same token, if I didn’t lose him, I wouldn’t have gained the knowledge I now receive today.

Regardless of the un-guaranteed risks, experiencing Love is a powerful energy that supersedes all matter in this world. It doesn’t matter if you think you had ‘won’ or ‘loss’ in the process of passionately loving a person, place or thing – the fact that you loved at all creates a lesson within itself.

Many things in life come in 3’s – and as I end the 3rd anniversary of this conscious journey towards my
personal awakening, I know that by recognizing Paul’s influence, not only am I allowing a peaceful energy to encompass me, but I know that this same energy is filtering through him right now too…

Journal Pictures: December 26, 2006

At Christine’s Graduation! She is now a Registered Nurse!

My Familia!

Horsing around with Angel and her boyfriend Will.

At dinner at Austin’s with my big brother, Dominic Kang!

Daniell-a is now 4 years old! She is a very blessed little girl!!

purposely dressed in casual clothes so I can jump, slide and run around
everywhere! The kids were so much fun. I wish I was little again!!

My sisters with Christine’s boyfriend, Edgar.

Group picture with the kids.

This dog was soo cute!!!!!! I love dogs!!

She was so happy!

Christmas 2006.

I loved my funny hat! I look stupid, but I don’t care!

I love, love, him!!! He had so much fun!

This was a super cute gift I bought Danielle.

With Paul in Santa Cruz, 2002. I was itty bitty compared to him!